Ass clowns

People I hate, in no particular order. This post, as many, was prompted by a conversation between Lo Lo and me this a.m. over coffee and muffins.

1. Chipper "Fuckhead" Jones
2. Hitler
3. Sadam Hussein
4. The lady in the cafeteria that is always a bitch and throws my food at me. GET A NEW HAIRNET YOU SKANK.
5. My sister S's ex-husband and his fucking cunt of a mother.
6. The stupid whore cashiers at the grocery store right near my house. They are the most unfriendly bunch of assholes. I don't go there anymore because of them. They don't even say hello! They grunt at you.
7. That dickhead who killed John Lennon.
8. Dick Goddard's wife. He is cool and she hits him.
9. A few other "real" people who I won't name.
10. The devil. He pretty much sucks warm donkey balls.

Sharing some more....

Yesterday I told you all about my bachelorette party. I thought today I would tell you about my prom.

(insert crickets)


Oh yeah, I didn't go to prom.

A blast from the past

Laura “Did I ever tell you about my bachelorette party?”
Melanie “No, did I ever tell you about mine? You know, the one at fucking K-Mart?”

This whole conversation started because I am planning my sister’s bachelorette party and getting a bit stressed about it because no one will help make a decision. Anyway, Laura said we should blog about our respective parties, so here goes.

My wedding party consisted of me (obviously), my best friend at the time D who was 8 months pregnant by the wedding, my sister J, my sister S who was underage, my stepdaughter J who was underage and my good friend from work P who was 40 and didn’t drink (I was 24 when I got married, by the way).

Now, this was my first wedding, mine or otherwise, so I didn’t know how this stuff worked. Apparently they were supposed to plan a bachelorette party. My NOW best friend offered to help, even though she wasn’t in the wedding party. They thanked her, but said they had a handle on it.

We went to The Wine Press, which was a restaurant located under a bowling alley, for dinner. It was nice. I think I had a beer, maybe two at the most. Don’t think anyone else drank since they were either very pregnant, underage, or didn’t drink. And by the way, no one outside the wedding party was invited.

After dinner, for some reason we decide to go to K-Mart. For what I can’t remember. We fuck around there for an hour or so, and then GO HOME. No strippers. No t-shirts with life savers for people to suck off. No veil. No blow up doll chained to my arm. Dinner, K-Mart and home.

I don’t blame any of my girls for this, for the record. ½ were too young to know any better and the other ½ were too stupid to know any better. It does bum me out when I think about it because we didn’t have that last girl’s night hoorah. Especially when I remember that my husband’s bachelor party took him to a strip club where he was tied up and hit with his own belt, and his underwear were ripped. He is lucky to have me because a lot of women I know would not have dealt with that shit.

Anyway, that is the story of my bachelorette party at K-Mart. Blue fucking light special and all.

Wanna make out?

I am so damn busy at work! I'll post later. In the meantime, here are the lyrics for the best make out song ever!

Dave Matthews Band
Crush

Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
You crush me with the things you do
I do for you anything too
Sitting smoking feeling high
In this moment it feels so right
Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'till morning comes
Watch the sunrise to fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'till we get drunk
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady
Let me drink you please
I won't spill a drop I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is it real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady
I will treat you sweetly
Adore you I mean you crush me
It's times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know how I love you
Come on
Lady
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
To each other we'll be facing
By love we'll beat back the pain we've found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
With each moment the more I love you
Crush me
Come on
So much you have given love
That I would give you back again and again
Meaning I'll hold you
And please let me always

Aunt Flo, that stupid whore

This is for my good friend Ubermilf who is having a rough day! Hang in there, kiddo!

In other news, Lo Lo is back! Woo hoo! You can't see me right now, but I'm totally break dancing and doing the moon walk in celebration.


**UPDATE - THE LINK ON THE WORD THIS SHOULD WORK NOW. SORRY I SUCK AT LINKING!**

Vacation Photo Challenge - Cheetos optional

Hey Nick - see how we aren't at our computers? This is what a vacation looks like! I showed you mine, now show us yours as per Brooke's suggestion.

More memories!

Ahhh, the memories. Here you go folks, another picture of us in France. Perhaps Dave can tell where we are? I think we were in a restaurant close to our Bed and Breakfast. That would be my best friend Tammy and her fiance Kelly who are with us.

I was at Tam's house last week and saw the scrap book she is putting together from our trip. It was great to look through, and really inspired me to get started on mine. I have the book, just need to print the 1,000 or so photos we have!

How I miss your silliness! Thank God you are back on Wednesday! 

The baby plight

Alright kiddies, grab a chair, or a cushion and make yourselves comfortable. This is another look into the innerness of Melanie post. It isn’t pretty, it is rarely funny, it makes me sad, but it is me. If you don’t have the balls for it, I won’t think less of you. Just go check out e-bay or Playboy, or Cosmo if you are looking for that warm fuzzy feeling. You aren’t going to get it here. This may ramble, but a bottle of Pinot Grigio will tend to do that to you. OK, here we go.

Since I was about 12 (actually younger I think) I knew I wanted to be a Mom. I remember sitting on the front porch at my Parent’s house when I was about 17 and they wanted to discuss college, etc. My eyes filled with tears. I tried to explain to them that I didn’t want to go to college. I wanted to get married and have children. I looked at my Mom and said “I want to be a Mom, like you.” I believe she may have teared up as well. In any case, they made me go to college and it sucked and that is another blog. Do not misunderstand, I am smart and looking back I realize that I could have done so much more with my life had I finished college, but I also realize that I wouldn’t have the husband, step-children and friends that I have now which mean everything to me. Anywhoooooo……

I met my husband in (I think) 1992 or 1993. I was 22, he was 34. I fell in love with him. Our “dating story” would also make an interesting blog. So, we fell in love, blah blah blah. He told me pretty quickly that he had two children. He told me a bit less quickly that he had a vasectomy figuring that the first marriage would last forever, as they are supposed to, and they had all the children they wanted. I expressed to him that having children was not something I was willing to not do. He pondered this for a few weeks and then agreed that we would try to have children, once we were married and the stars aligned, etc.

We got married in 1995. I believe we may have waited one or two years to start trying to get pregnant. Dave wasn’t really into it as he was just going along with the plan to make me happy (hey, don’t fault him at least he was willing to try), so I did all of the research. I found an infertility doctor for us to go see. He was a dick (the doctor, not Dave – although Dave can totally be a dick). I didn’t care. I thought he would be the doctor to complete my life’s dreams. I thought I would be pregnant in no time and we would be on our way to a little family all our own. Cut to reality. I didn’t get pregnant. We tried artificial insemination about 5 or 6 times each time costing over $750 (none covered by insurance of course). Dave was definitely getting frustrated as he hated this doc. I wasn’t fond of him myself. He would tell us that he wanted me to undergo testing that would be over $1,000 out of pocket and would get pissed when I told him my regular doc would do it and insurance would cover it.

I then accepted a job with the hospital I am with now. Infertility was covered!!!!! We did artificial insemination that first year about 4 times and it cost only a $10 co-pay each time. Of course we all know that that was too good to last. Yeah, the coverage has progressively gone to shit, which is a technical insurance term. Whatever, we kept trying.

Now you might be thinking, well obviously this girl can’t get pregnant. The thing is, the great big kick you in the ass and make you say huh thing is, there is NOTHING wrong with me. They have done every horrible, painful and intrusive test they could think of. I am perfect, well, at least my ovaries and uterus are. There was minor endometriosis, which I had surgery to remove. Other than that, I’m just fine. It appears that a greater force is trying to tell us something?

Fast forward to last October. My doctor finally decided it was time to step up our attempts. Mind you, before this we were doing infertility drugs. I became quite the expert at giving myself shots. Yep, everyday for two weeks I had to give myself a shot. It was painful and sucked and I put on weight because you aren’t allowed to move let alone do anything, but my God I was ok with it if it would produce a child for us to love and adore. Yeah, that didn’t work out so much.

The next step was/is in vitro. More invasive. Double the shots. Dave has to have surgery also. The egg and sperm will get to meet outside the body instead of in my warm cozy insides, but it has a good chance of working. Good meaning about 30%. (at this point in the story I would like to take a mini break to express my disgust that druggie street people, and generally horrid people get preggers all the time, but NOT ME!)

As you all know, we are getting ready to move soon. We are also going to be giving the aforementioned in vitro a go. Keep your fingers crossed that we will have a new baby in the new house!

Of course I haven’t even touched on all of my many emotions during this process as this post would then become about 4 million pages to read. Suffice to say that we have had a few close calls where I thought I was pregnant, and it was devastating, absolutely devastating, to find out that I wasn’t (twice I was so late I actually took a pregnancy test). I have felt anger and self-pity, both of which I despise. And through it all I must remind myself that this could all be in vain. Perhaps I am not meant to be a Mom. Perhaps I meant to put little band aids on my nieces (and soon to be grandchild) and never get to kiss my own child’s boo boo better. This makes me incredibly sad. It brings me to tears every time I think that maybe I should just give it up and be the best Aunt and (34 year old) Grandma that I can be. But I can’t. I can’t give up yet. I was meant to be a Mom. The 12 year old inside me keeps screaming out that we can’t give up. Not yet. Not while I still have eggs in me.

I have left out details I’m sure. Deal with it, I have.

Friday, at last!

Sorry haven't had a good post lately (of course that is assuming any of my posts are good!). Hopefully I'll have more time next week. Until then, entertain yourselves with this. Brian sent it and it pretty cool!

If I don't get back on here, hope you all have a great weekend!

Enough already.

Here we go again. This bullshit needs to end.

Thinking about all of our UK friends. Hang tough.

No more beaming up

This makes me sad. Sad enough to have a glass of wine in his honor. Not sad enough that I won't finish the bottle.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- James Doohan, the burly chief engineer of the Starship Enterprise in the original "Star Trek" TV series and motion pictures who responded to the apocryphal command "Beam me up, Scotty," died early Wednesday. He was 85.

There is no "I" in Team

Yep, it is official. I am a sucker. I have agreed to work with the other doc knowing full well that I likely won't receive any compensation until next year. What can I say, I'm a dumbass. I think, though, that it will pay off in the long run. I have now raised my status from assistant extraordinare to Wonder Girl. I'll keep you all posted. I think it will be fine though, and if I am overwhelmed with work, I'll tell them I don't want to do it anymore! Double the Christmas presents this year! Woo hoo!

Also, for the record, my girls Ubie and Lil Red are wonderful ladies and I am proud to be in the C U Next Tuesday Club with them! We should meet every Tuesday and drink heavily whilst plotting revenge on a different boy every week. I'm even wearing a cape and tights.

Mel OUT.

Take this job and shove it

I work for a doctor at a big hospital. Big whoop. I have been approached about working also for another doc who has just been made staff after finishing his training here. I know him and he is great, very nice and hysterically funny. Also hot, but that doesn't matter. Just saying.

Anywho, it would be for about a year that I would work for him, and my current doc. When his clinical practice is up and running full swing, he would get an assistant who would only work for him. I know I can handle the work load, and like I said he would be really nice to work for, but it sounds like they don't want to give me a pay increase for taking on this additional responsibility. I have a meeting at 2:15 with my boss to go over the details. I thought that I would ask for a 50% increase and hopefully end up with around 40%. I know damn well they are going to say that I will get a better raise NEXT YEAR if I do this (they have hinted at this).

Now, am I out of line in thinking that I should get the money now? What if I leave this hospital - no money. What if I am hit by a truck - no money. WHAT IF. I believe the raise should occur immediately. They could always reduce it when this assignment is over. What do you guys think?

Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, literally!

Mr. Ed is going to be so pissed when he reads this!

Interveiw with a wannabe vampire.

Here’s something fun for Friday afternoon!

Here are the instructions:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "Interview me." "Blow me" or "Eat me" are not acceptable substitutes.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.



Here are Brooke’s questions to me along with my answers:

Mel's turn!
1. Which is worse - chronic bad breath or a teeny weenie?
Chronic bad breath is definitely worse….you can always eat a tic tac, but you can’t improve on a teeny weenie. Sorry boys, size does matter.

2. Describe the most embarrassing outfit you have ever worn.
Whenever I put on my bathing suit, that is the most embarrassing outfit I have ever worn.

3. You are gay for a day. Who is your girlfriend? Why?
My girlfriend would be Katie Holmes so that during the one day I am gay I could get her away from that freak Tom Cruise. Plus she is pretty hot, although she seems sort of sweet and innocent so maybe I’d pick Cher. She’d know her way around!

4. Does Tom Cruise need therapy? Why or why not?
Yes, Tom Cruise needs therapy. Hey, if I need therapy then that freak definitely needs therapy.

This next one was taken from vivalasvegas. I think it's obvious why I am using it.
5. Would you be the national spokesman for an adult diaper if the money was right?
This is a little embarrassing, but I would probably do it even if the money wasn’t quite right as long as the product was good. Let’s face it, who among us wouldn’t take a piss in their pants if they could? I know I would. Although my friend Brian tried it in college and said it was all bad. Although he pissed twice in the same diaper.

There you have it. Let the interviewing begin

AH CRAP.

This is for John, Lo Lo , Lazy Wanker and Brooke.

POOP! POOP! POOP! POOP!

POO. POO. POO.

SHAT. SHAT. SHAT.

Got hope? You will soon...

When you are feeling down and out and like there is no hope, go read Lo Lo's post from today. It will fill you with an incredible sense of hope and restore your faith in God and humanity. All of my love goes out to Lo Lo and her family! Happy Birthday little man!

Don't worry, I'll be full of gloom and doom and poop stories soon enough.

Seasons of my life

Lazy Wanker asked for it and here it is. Drum roll please…..a Brand New Post!

I was actually thinking of this on my hour ride home last night. Certain smells and sounds remind me of each season and each season makes me feel differently. So, here goes:

Summer:
Sound: cicadas and crickets, oh and bull frogs
Smell: Food cooking on the grill
Feeling: Carefree

Fall:
Sound: Rustling of dry leaves on the ground
Smell: campfires and dry leaves
Feeling: This is my favorite season. I feel content.

Winter:
Sound: Wind whipping around the house and through the trees
Smell: Cookies baking in the oven
Feeling: Cozy

Spring:
Sound: Springtime thunderstorms
Smell: The freshness of the air
Feeling: Renewal and excitement for the upcoming newness

I challenge each of you reading this to share your seasonal sounds, smells and feelings as well!

Welcome back to the seventies!

A blast from the past! I may be missing Lo Lo a bit.

(**Note - this is not some wacky lesbian post, I just hate being alone at work and it sucks really bad and don't get the wrong idea! Plus I totally dig this song. It is groovy baby!)

The Players, Baby Come back

Spending all my nights, all my money going out on the town
Doing anything just to get you off of my mind
But when the morning comes, I'm right back where I started again
Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado
Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear
But as the sun goes down, I get that empty feeling again
How I wish to God that you were here

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

Now that I put it all together
Give me the chance to make you see
Have you used up all the love in your heart
Nothing left for me, ain't there nothing left for me

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, listen, you can blame it all on me
I was wrong, and I just can't live without you
I was wrong, and I just can't live
Baby come back, any kind of fool could see
There was something in everything about you
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me

Learned something new!

My awesome friend Brian taught me how to link on Friday. Holy effing crap, I had on idea it was so simple. Prepare to have shloads of links in new posts to come.

Friday night Jen, Rach, Sue, Lins, Paula, Brian and Seth came over to our house for final baby shower preparations for my (incredible) step-daughter Jennifer. Yes, that's right folks, I'm going to be a grandma at the ripe old age of 34! Woo hoo! So, we spent the evening drinking quite a lot of wine, chopping veggies, making dips and hanging out. It was great! Brian taught me how to link and a good time was had by all. AND my A-hole dog didn't even pee on anyone this time. Bonus!

Saturday was the big day. We all met at the hall at noon to decorate and set-up for the shower. The place looked great. Nice job ladies. The food was great and Jen got loads of really great gifts, and gift cards! Perhaps Brian can send me a few pics to post since I forgot my camera.

After the shower we all loaded up our cars and hauled the loot back to Rach and Jen's place. We unloaded and promptly changed into bikinis for goin' in the hot tub! It was awesome. We send Dave and Brian on a beer run. Then spent the rest of the evening in and out of the hot tub, and playing "Ball Flinger." Great, great game that Jen made. Too hard for me to explain, so maybe someone can in the comment section. Drank a little too much and the hubby had to drive me home....we left my car at Rach's. How responsible, eh?

Sunday I spent watching TV and doing nothing. Eventually went and got my car and then went the gang's softball games. Sadly they lost the first, but happily they won the second game! I was forced to keep score as Jen had another baby shower with her Grandma. I didn't mess anything up and had no problems keeping score! Woo hoo. Went home after the games and did more nothing and then went to bed.

Oh yeah, and I think we are going to build a house. Holy crap, tons of cashola, but you only live once and you can't take it with you, right? Will know for sure later this week and will keep you posted. We are looking at moving to Stow, OH. Any feedback welcome from readers who know that area.

Hope you are all well, and again thanks to all for your ongoing support!
xoxo

Do not lie - have you?

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt like you just weren’t enough? Enough meaning smart enough, good enough, pretty enough, funny enough, thin enough? I feel this way every minute of every day. This post is not inspired by any outside “force.” No one said anything or did anything to cause this. This is me. This is how I feel. This is a bit of insight into the hurricane that is my inner self. I am not drunk. I am not under the influence of any drugs. There is no gun to my head. I just have to get it out (well, a little bit of it anyway since I haven’t gone to therapy in two months). If you are afraid to delve into this convoluted subject called “me” I suggest you stop reading now. I am certain there are more entertaining websites to check out – see my sidebar for a few of them.

Let’s review. I have a wonderful husband who supports me and endures me more than any man should be expected to (not that he is perfect, but really he does). I have a great set of parents. My sisters and brother, and my nieces and nephew I could not live without. My friends guide me and nurture me way beyond what is required of friends. I couldn't ask for better step-children, I love them very much and know they love me. I enjoy my job tremendously and have great co-workers. Yet every day I go to sleep feeling that I am not enough. Not enough. So many people tell me that I have a hole in me somewhere. They say perhaps this hole is “fillable” whether it be by a child, a better job, a new home – whatever. I have a hole. I don’t know that I like this explanation. Somehow this explanation makes me feel that I am not a complete person.

I know that I am not “incomplete.” I know this because I am loved. I am loved by my husband – God bless him because he has experienced the crazyiness of Mel like no other. He has been there for the ugliest of times (and Honey, don’t be scared but I don’t know that I an done with the ugly. I hope so, but I just don’t know). I am loved unconditionally by my family and by my friends. Yet I always have this nagging feeling that I am, for lack of a better phrase, not enough.

I am insecure. I am insecure in every single relationship that I have; friends, parents, family, co-workers. I am always certain that at any moment the other person is going to realize that I am undeserving of their love, attention, time. This even applies to my Mom, sisters, best friends.

I am paranoid. The minute I walk away from any individual I am certain that I have somehow offended, pissed off or otherwise done something to cause them to not like me as much, etc.

I am a bad family member. I don’t see my nieces and nephew like I should. Maybe once every couple of weeks. I feel like I should see them every day, yet I don’t. Instead I come home and do laundry or dishes or dust or some other stupid phucking thing that when I die I know I won’t be wishing I did more of. And when I die, what will they think? What will they remember? That I made it to their birthdays and Christmas? It needs to be more than that – especially and most importantly if I don’t have children of my own, which lets face it is a real possibility.

I also know (think) that I am funny. I have caused snot rockets to be launched. I have caused snorting. I have caused almost pee your pants laughing. Yet it is not enough (for me). I know this is irritating to my friends. Believe me, I know. It sucks to know – to bloody KNOW that you are loved and liked and cared for, but to walk away THINKING (not knowing) that you are just not enough. I completely embrace the funny part of me. The rest I would like to exorcise (I need a young priest and an old priest). Why do I always leave get togethers and worry about what they are saying about me? Somebody please make it stop.

Reasons why it sucks to be my friend:
1. I have a dog who is an A-hole (although really pretty)
2. I am prone to paranoia
3. I have been known to have mental break-downs
4. I take things past “that line”
5. I am needy
6. I can be clingy and need lots of hugs
7. My poop sometimes smells bad (this is meant to be funny although it really does)
8. Sometimes I just stay home and am anti-social and closed off for reason not apparent to anyone because I won’t talk when I am bothered or upset
9. I have trouble pulling myself out of “moods”
10. My boobs are too big sometimes (again, for the sake of humor)

Reasons why I am a good friend (trying to redeem myself):

1. I will go to the ends of the Earth for you
2. I will do whatever it takes to make you laugh
3. I almost always have gum
4. I will tell a really bad/dirty joke to make you laugh
5. I will make fun of myself to make you laugh
6. I will always listen
7. I will always care
8. I will always love you no matter what
9. I always have beer
10. I will take care of you

Reasons why I love my friends:
See above 1-10

Someday I hope to not have these unfounded (I hope) insecurities. I hope to realize what everyone else seems to see in me. I hope to be the person my Mom always knew and hoped I could be. Until then, forgive me, I will depend on the kindness of others to see me through. I will constantly ask for reassurances. When you tell me you love me, I will tell you that you don’t while secretly hoping and praying that you really, really do. When I begin to feel that I can’t take it any more I will remind myself that others have it worse. When that stops working, I will end up on your doorstep with a six pack and the desire to talk all night and figure it out.

Have you ever?

Take good care of my baby

Well kiddos, I am taking tomorrow off! The hubby and I are going house hunting. The hubby accepted a new job and we have to move :-( I'm sad because I love my house, neighborhood, etc. but alas we have to move because he has to be within so many miles of his job. The good news is we are moving within the same state and probably will only be abuot 30-40 minutes from our friends and family.

I digress. The reason for this post is to ask all of you to look after Lo Lo in my absence. We sit right next to each other and so if one of us is gone it gets quite lonely. Boring too since there is no one causing you to launch snot rockets due to laughing hysterically! Also, no one to compare poop stories with, bitch about boobs hurting, complain about people on the phone, no one to have gum spitting contests (both accuracy and distance),or eat peanut butter on chocolate with. It's going to be rough on her, but she'll get through with your support.

All is well?

To all of our friends in the UK, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hope you and your families are ok after today's horrible terrorist attacks.

Ubie got me! (by the way - none of my links work and I don't friggin know why)

Tag, I’m it! Thanks to my dear friend Ubermilf
I have been bag tagged, I mean memory tagged. I have to name 5 things I miss from my childhood. These will likely be lame, but whatever.

1. Summer lasted forever. Seriously, it was like ½ the year. Sleeping late, playing outside literally all day (my Mom locked us out) and stopping only long enough to grab something to eat.
2. Spending an entire weekend locked in my room listening to music and reading books. ALL WEEKEND. I really miss that.
3. Getting new school clothes and school supplies. I was such a dork – I used to get so pumped about getting a new Trapper Keeper and folders with puppies on them. Oooh, and new pencils and a pencil case.
4. I miss my grandparents. When I was a child I had 3 out of 4 grandparents and all have since passed away. I miss them very much.
5. Innocence and fearlessness.


1. Modigli
2. Babbling Brooke
3. Cannot Be Trusted On My Own
4. Ubermilf
5. Melanie was here


So, who is up next? I am tagging Brian(Go Stork!), and John
Also, anyone who would like to participate who doesn’t have a blog should feel free to list their 5 things in the comment section.

You have to list five things you miss from your childhood. You need link to me and #'s 2, 3 and 4, and add your name as #5. Then, nail someone else with this!

I'll be right with you

I'm here, I'm here! All this work is getting in the way of my fun. I promise I will have a new post soon - thanks to Ubermilf I have to list 5 things I miss from my childhood. I've been thinkin' on that and it will be up soon! Soon as in a little bit later today.

So, stay tuned......

Girls, girls girls (I'm all about the repeat today)

Ok, check out this story from the BBC The story doesn't bother me one bit, I don't care who marries who. I just wonder why one of them feels the need to look like a man! I guess I prefer lipstick lesbians.

Friday! Friday! Friday!

We all agree Mondays suck, correct? Well they do. One of the worst things for me on a Monday morning is coming to work and having to do the "weekend update." I dread it. Mostly I dread it because it irritates the ever living shit out of me. Picture it. Melanie, sitting at her desk, sipping some sludge they call coffee, trying to catch up on my, um, work. Some random co-worker approaches with a "hey, how was your weekend?" In my head I start screaming things like "shut the fuck up" and "none of your efing business" and "get the hell out of my face." Out loud I say things like "oh, you know, never long enough" and "it was ok, low key." Mind you I could have discovered the cure for cancer or shagged Dave Matthews but I would still say something along those lines. I hate Monday mornings, actually I hate mornings period, but Mondays are the worst - except during bowling season when Thursday mornings are the worst. Why can't they just leave me alone?! WHY? I despise small talk for the sake of small talk.

Fast forward to Friday mornings. Random co-worker approaches Melanie who is sipping the coffee like substance minding her own business. Conversation goes "so, big plans this weekend?" In my head "yeah, big plan is for you to shut the hell up." Out loud "nope, gonna hang at home." Of course in reality I'll be jetting off to Paris for the weekend but I'm not telling these bizatches.