The State of Our Union

I have to say that the state of our union is better than ever. Dave and I are over the 10 year hump and doing very well. We've had our bumps in the road, but who hasn't? I look at him now and know that I will love him always. I always knew that but now I really know that. Make sense? If not, eff you (love you, mean it). Our relationship has take a turn for the better. We talk more and share more. We still make each other laugh and I look forward to spending time with him. Our state is great (cue applause). I am certain that we have challenges ahead of us, but I am secure in the fact that if we take our time and work through said challenges there is nothing that we can't overcome (cue major applause). I picture us together when we are in our 80's (ok, realistically I am 80 and he is 92) and we are still fighting the good fight, I am still irritating the heck out of him because I won't change the toilet paper roll and he is still burping during dinner claiming that he hasn't burped all day (cue insane laughter, applause and standing O).

Go out and do good my dear people of America for our State of the Union is strong and sound. Rest assured that we will continue to be strong and we will be the Gold Standard by which Unions are measured.

Art or destruction of property?

You be the judge.....


I found this Sunday after returning from taking Ubie to the airport.

Nightmare on Rose Mallow Court

I had a dream (nightmare?) last night that I had a baby with three eyes. I felt guilty because the baby creeped me out.

Thoughts?

She came, she saw, she kicked some arse

Ubie has left to return to Chicago :-(

We had a wonderful time and we will definitely get together again. You know I must really like her as I hauled my ass out of bed at 7:20 a.m. on a Sunday morning to take her to mass at St. Dymphna, which is located in the parking lot of the State Mental Hospital. I was pretty nervous that her and my husband conspired to lock me up. Good thing St. Dymphna is the patron saint of mental illness and nervous disorders!

I will let her fill you guys in on all the details of her trip. Suffice it to say that Lo Lo and I were quite happy to finally meet her in person. She is even more awesome in the flesh than on the internet and I believe plans are underway for us to go visit the Ubers in Chicago.

More pics to come.....wait until you see the one of Ubie "wasted!"

Detroit rock city, here we come!

I am so excited about the Super Bowl. I am going with my friend Rachel to Pittsburgh to watch the game amongst other fans. It is going to be wild. Dave - if you are reading I've tried paging you, etc. to tell you but you haven't called back!

My next tattoo will be the Steelers emblem. Not sure where yet. Though not sure if I should wait until after the Super Bowl.

Look out Seattle, you are gonna be sent home crying to your momma!

Also, White Boy Bob will be in Pittsburgh to watch the game, so hopefully we can hook up with him. I thought we were impressive driving from Cleveland, but he's flying in from England! Guess he wins. Tell you what Bob, I'll buy you a pint for your incredible effort to see the Super Bowl in Pittsburgh!

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO! (go ahead and yell it, you know you want to!)

Some stuff

What up yo? I haven't made a list in awhile. Actually, I haven't had a good post in awhile, but whatever. So, here is my list for today.

Some random thoughts:

1. I am moved into the new house. I like it and all, but sometimes I miss my old house and I am way more comfortable in the Red Room than in our room....I think our room is too big.
2. My sister Sarah gave birth to my new nephew last week. She went into labor on Sunday and had she not taken her good old freakin' time could have had Jacob on Elvis' birthday. But nooooo, she had to push for over an hour before the doctor decided to do a C-section - at 2 a.m. after she (and all of us) had been there ALL day. Oy. But, baby and mommy are healthy and happy.
3. I miss when blogging was new. I can't seem to find the time to get in a decent post. Back in the day it was something that I did twice a day or so, and now I'm lucky if I get one good one a month. I used to be funny. Ah well.
4. Sometimes in the morning after I have coffee and breakfast my breath is nasty. It even hurts my nose. Just thought I'd share. Seriously, it is bad.
5. My puppy Sophie is over 85 lbs.
6. I just got my oil changed and I was like 20,000 miles overdue. Oops.
7. I have a secret and I can't wait to be able to tell. Soon I hope.
8. I have been having incredibly strange dreams lately and I'm not sure why. Very strange dreams.
9. I didn't make any resolutions for this year. Tired of setting myself up for failure.
10. I hate the way I feel when people are mad at me, upset with me, or blame me for contributing to their unhappiness. It makes me feel really sad and makes me feel horribly about myself.
11. This list sucks balls, but I don't. Sorry Dave!

Guess who's coming to dinner.....

I am SO excited! Ubermilf, the one and only, is coming to visit next weekend! She needed to get away from Chicago so she chose tropical Cleveland, OH to hang out with Lo Lo and me. I cannot wait until she gets here and we get to meet her face to face.

We also have a fun filled weekend planned. When she arrives on Friday we are going to have her meet us at work (jealous, aren't you) and take her to dinner - at a 5 star restaurant! Then I am going to whisk her downtown to meet up with some of my friends at an AWESOME comedy club for a show, and then a midnight martini show after that, then the strip clubs. Saturday I assume we'll sleep in a little bit and then Lo Lo is going to come over and meet us for a late breakfast. After that the rest of the day is ours to do as we please. Maybe the spa, maybe chill out, maybe let Ubie read a book. I dunno, whatever she wants. Saturday night I'm supposed to bowl, but I seriously doubt that Ubie has any interest in watching me bowl. So, I may get a sub and invite the ladies over to my house to meet Ubie - in fact everyone is very excited for her to come! Then sadly she leaves on Sunday.

And for the record, Ubie, my pillows are VERY fluffy, and perky! :-)

Lil Red - we are only scoping out land for "Our Town" so no worries! We're just doin' the leg work so you guys won't have to.

Spirit - totally having a web cam!

Here's a quickie for ya.

Did you guys miss me? Aw, I missed ya'll too! I've been out sick and have been getting my arse kicked royally at work. Almost caught up! If you go check out The Stork's site (on sidebar) you can see some pics of the new house! I'll get some up soon. We are busy getting settled in, painting and still unpacking boxes. Also getting ready for our visit by Ubie at the end of the month! Ubie - your bedroom is all ready! Don't worry, no webcam (wink wink).

Well, sorry about the short, lame and pornless post but I must get back to work. More tomorrow!

Later my peeps.

The Sex Pistols

Lo Lo’s song yesterday got me thinking about sex. Not because I’ve had syphilis before, but you know.

Anyway, sex is funny to me. Not funny ha-ha, but funny interesting. Why is it when we are young and newly in love all we can think about is having sex with our partner and then after marriage, or many years together, that seems to wane a bit? How do we manage to stay up until 3 a.m. in the beginning and function at work but then several years down the road think 10 p.m. is too late to start fooling around? Do we just get used to each other? Is it because the newness is gone?

I will not get into my personal sex life as 1) my kid reads this and she doesn’t want to hear about it, 2) my Mom reads this and doesn’t want to hear about it; 3) my cousin reads this and doesn’t want to hear about; and 4) many friends read this and don’t want to hear about it.

Having said that, if you don’t want to know ANY details I suggest you stop reading now. Perhaps go check out one of my peeps over on the side bar, or go to Disney.com or something.

Does it seem like the older we get the less energy we have or are willing to part with for sex? Usually it is the thought of all the work getting ready for sex that puts me off. You know, are my legs shaved (chances are they are not)? Have I “freshened” up? Are the hedges trimmed and pruned? And then the actual sex. The sex part is way cool, but the getting up to that part seems too time consuming and overwhelming sometimes. Not overwhelming, but you know what I mean. Like, ok can’t we just go straight to orgasm because I have laundry to do, I would like to watch a little boob tube and I need to get up early for work tomorrow. Is it possible to keep the sexual spark in a relationship forever? I think I still make the hubby laugh and he still cracks me up. I’m still attracted to him physically after 12 years which is pretty cool. We still hold hands. I still enjoy talking to him, we have very good conversations. But our sex life is certainly not what it was when we were first dating.

Believe me, I know this is not a new topic and I don’t have any miracle cures. Just curious why the change happens and what can be done to prevent it or retard its progress once started!

It’s almost Friday – let the shagging begin!

I'm baaaaaack!

I will post some pics, etc. of the new house and give you some details of the move once I'm caught up at work. Until then, here is a little conversation between Lo Lo and me today. It is good to be back! Of course it started out innocently enough making fun of a co-worker.

Mel to Lo Lo: I think J needs a hair cut. Hello, it may go with the Trans Am, but it ain’t workin’ with scrubs.

Lo Lo to Mel: Oh come on, he looks so very hot. I mean, he’s the perfect combo of Magnum, P.I. and Michael Knight. Jealous, much?

Mel to Lo Lo: Just because you did in his backseat doesn’t mean you have to stick up for him.

Lo Lo to Mel: First I threw up in my mouth, then I went temporarily blind. Thanks for that.

Mel to Lo Lo: That was probably caused by the syphilis

Lo Lo to Mel: Is THAT why it burns when I urinate?

Mel to Lo Lo: Uh huh!!! Antibiotics – learn about them and make them your friend.

And then Lo Lo wrote a song:


Lo Lo’s debut of her new song:

“Ode to Syphilis”

Lyrics and music by Lo Lo Lova



If it burns when you pee

You might want to see

A doctor to study your piss



If it hurts when you scratch

A piece of your snatch

You might just have syphilis



CHORUS:


Syphilis

Oh Syphilis

You dealt me a rotten hand



Syphilis

Oh Syphilis

Why’d I have that one-night stand?