My Therapist Claims There's Hope

He also said Nick is a puss infected SLUT.

Friday, April 28, 2006

No, not yet.....please!

I don't know about you guys, but I am not ready for this. I've seen the commercial for this movie maybe 3 or 4 times and each time I am reduced to tears. I am just not ready to go see a movie about one of the worst days in America's history. Before you all start with your arguments, I am not saying that the movie should not have been made or that no one should go see it, I'm just saying that I personally am not ready. When I went to therapy last year I discussed this with my therapist, the fact that I can't seem to move on with regard to 9/11. The fact that anytime I watch anything about it I sob for all those lost, all the suffering of that day and the days that followed. I don't know if I'll ever not cry and feel such loss when I think about that terrible day. Apparently I am normal - at least the therapist said so. And I was beginning to think about it less and I was beginning to move on, and then out of no where BAM I saw that commercial. All of it came flooding back in on me and overwhelmed me. Actually, I was pretty surprised at my reaction. I mean, the tears were instantaneous, right along with that feeling of sadness. I posted a poem I wrote on the 1st anniversary of 9/11. I thought by writing that poem and sharing it I would feel better. I guess I did a little.

Who knows, maybe I should go see the movie, cry my eyes out the entire time (not a plan, I just know that I will) and get it out.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Our Shadow.....

Shadow is fine!!! Woo hoo. Dave spoke with the vet today. The biopsy came back negative, it was benign. Phew. So, the growth may come back, but it isn't going to kill her, unlike my wheels when it comes to possums.

Will post more later. Wanted to share the news, and thanks all for your good thoughts and well wishes.

Friday, April 21, 2006

The week in review.

Monday
worked
had dinner with my good friend Kelly at Cheesecake Factory
killed a possum on my way home

Tuesday
worked
Shadow went to the vet - teeth cleaning went well. We won't have the results on the mass in her mouth for another few days. The doc did say he didn't like the looks of it.

Wednesday
worked
bowled - over average all three games. Not bad for the last night of bowling

Thursday
worked (clearly I do this too often)
met Dave, Sue, Brian, Rachel, Roberta and Robbie at Harry Buffalo for dinner before going to Hillarities. Had an awesome time

Friday
working
found out John was in the same place last night and we didn't run into each other. that sucks nads.
hid Lo Lo's wallet while at lunch and I think she had a mini-stroke. Sorry again Lo Lo.
no plans tonight! woo hoo! If any of you bitches are in the Stow area feel free to pop in!

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Do possums go to heaven?

I sure hope so because I hit one last night. I am so upset about it. It is the first time in almost 20 years of driving that I've hit anything. If I wasn't on antidepressants I'd be sobbing everytime I thought about it. It was probably a momma possum out getting food for her babies and now I've killed her. Ugh. I've killed many things in my life including bugs, brain cells, taste buds, a good song when I've tried to sing along, but never an animal. I am beside myself. If only I had swerved or slammed on my breaks or left the gas station 5 minutes earlier or later that little innocent animal would still be alive. I know this probably sounds trivial to many of you. Not to me. I killed another living, breathing creature and I feel horrible.

On another note, please keep my dog Shadow in your thoughts today. She is at the vet having her teeth cleaned and having a growth in her mouth removed and tested to see if she has cancer.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Easter is comin'


When I was a little girl my Grandfather took my nail clippings, dug a hole next to the garage and planted them. He told me that if we watered it a hand would grow. Do you know that I checked every time I went there to see if the hand had grown yet. I'm not sure what story he told me once I picked up on the fact that the hand wasn't growing. I remember when we would go visit my grandparents on our first evening there Grandma would have made either fried chicken or spaghetti. That was always our first night meal. Also, my Grandfather would take me to Faye's Drugstore. I remember once he bought me Mexican jumping beans. Man, those beans were the shit. I lost my first tooth at their house. Biting into an apple I think. I remember cutting my finger pretty good while trying to cut a piece of watermelon - my mom was pissed! Also this is the first place I ever had bagels, and I loved them! I can remember where the candy and gum dish was also, in the back of the kitchen in the pantry in a small dish. Not much to choose from, but it was always there.

They lived in a duplex, sort of, in Ilion New York. They had a full 3 bedroom house and attached to the other side were like 2 apartments or something. This is where we celebrated Easter every year. My Aunt Pat and cousins Chris and Jodi would be there, and all of us from Ohio - my Dad (they were his parents), my Mom, my sisters and me (my brother wasn't born yet) and I think for most of those years my Mom's Mom would come out too (Grandma K). Man, those were great times. One year the "Easter bunny" hid an egg that wasn't found until the next year in one of the floor lamps. That was nasty! I can remember sitting in the front room where the organ was and that is where we slept. Easter was like Christmas back then. Seemed like an endless supply of candy in our baskets. And toys. We would wake up Easter morning astonished at the kitchen table and all of the baskets and all of the loot!

I miss those days. I miss my Grandparents. I miss the bump in the sidewalk down the street that you could jump your bike if you hit it fast enough. I miss Lee who lived next door and I kind of had a crush on him. Mostly I miss all of us being together. Holidays aren't the same anymore. I wish I was a kid again. I wish if I was a kid again I could appreciate those times.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

It started out ok.....

but then I effed it all up. Friday started pretty well. Got to work on time. Did some work and then hustled out of there a little after noon. Went to the Embassy Suites and waited for Dave, Sue and Brian. While I was waiting I checked us in. Everyone got there and we got ready for the game. Up until this point I hadn't eaten anything, drank a pot (or more) of coffee and taken 2 cold pills. Genius. So, we get to the game and immediately scope tables at the Birds Eye bar for Sue and Brian to enjoy the game from. Finally found a table and chilled out waiting for the first pitch. Dave went and got a bratwurst. I decided to start with a beer and eat later. Later never came, but lots of beer did. I never made it to our seats, I sat at the bar with Sue, et al. We had a blast. After the game we headed back to the hotel for the Manager's happy hour. I still hadn't eaten anything. Had a few (don't know how many) glasses of wine. Then headed back to the room. I never left the room. I think I showered and got dressed and then was done in. Sent Sue, Brian and Dave off to dinner without me. I woke up at some point and tried to get ready again to meet them out. That didn't work out so well either. So, I called it a night, after calling them several times just to check in.

So, I took a perfectly lovely evening and turned it to shit. Great. I apologize to Sue, Brian and Dave for being such a loser. Also, I would like anyone out with me in the future to remind me to eat before I fuck up another night.

At least this didn't happen to me......

Friday, April 07, 2006

Home Opener, Baby!

In just a few short hours I will be sitting in right field with a hot dog and a beer watching the Indian's home opener! I am so excited, well other than the predicted rain, wind and snow I'm excited. Dave and will be in section 102 row 2 (practically sitting on the field) so watch for us on T.V. Brian and Sue are up in no man's land and will try to move down closer to us. After the game we'll be heading over to the Embassy Suites for the Manager's happy hour. Then we'll go to our rooms, beautify ourselves and head off to dinner at Great Lakes Brewing Company. What we do after that is anybody's guess. We have the whole night and city of Cleveland ahead of us. I brought the fanciest outfit for tonight! If Brian remembers his camera maybe you'll see it on Monday.

Peace out bitches and I'll catch you later.

P.S. GO TRIBE!

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Just remember, you could have it worse. A lot worse.

I have been meaning to post this for quite some time. I was going through some old emails and came upon it. This was written by one of our past surgical residents who is now a staff surgeon in New Orleans. This is his experience with Katrina.
  • For what its worth, here is what I did/saw.

    We found out about the storm on Saturday morning. We were at a downtown hotel for a meeting, and our babysitter called and said she needed to evacuate, and when were we coming home. We left the meeting and went to our house. We had some friends leaving for Mobile (I know, still close but the baby can’t deal with the car for long), so Charlotte and Heyward left Saturday afternoon. They went to Lee and Libby Thompson’s house. I went to the grocery store and bought water and ice. Saturday night, I moved a lot of furniture around, tied all of the patio furniture together, and ate dinner. Sunday, I boarded up the windows on the house. My neighbors had been offered a flight on a private plane out of town. They planned to take their car to the airport, and to expect it to be lost. I offered to drive them there so their car wouldn’t be destroyed. It turned out that I had to pick up an Irish widow, her two cats, and a birthday cake also. Anyway, we got her, her stuff, and my neighbors in the car and went downtown to put their cars in a deck. As we left downtown, the airport was closed due to high winds. The cats were going crazy. So, we headed back to the deck, they and the Irish widow got in their car, and they headed for Monroe, LA. I went back home, threw some clothes in a bag, and went to the hospital. Sunday afternoon was one of odd nervous excitement, kind of like pregame jitters in high school.

    Monday morning we were all up early. I had slept in my office in a recliner. At sunrise, the wind was really whipping. Through the morning, it just got worse. Big sheets of metal were getting pulled off of the roof of the hospital, and the building was leaking from odd places due to the force of the wind. Power went out sometime around 7 or 8 am. My office faces the Mississippi river, and I could barely see it for most of the morning. It is only about 300 yards away. When I could see it, it had 4-5 foot waves on it, whitecaps, and it was even with the river levee behind the hospital. It didn’t come over, though. The river was not in flood, the wind was just pushing the water that hard. The eye went by around 10:30 am, and then it got nasty again for a while. Around 2:30 I left the hospital. There were still tropical force winds, but I went over to the levee with my mountain bike and walked down it towards the city. It was blowing too hard to ride, and raining. Once I got to St. Charles/Carrollton intersection, I was able to ride mostly, but there were HUGE oaks down everywhere, so despite riding on both sides of the street and in the neutral ground, I had to get off and push some. I swung by some friends houses to check on them, and they were mostly ok. No roofs sucked off, but many, many trees down on houses and lots of broken windows. I got to my house, and it was pretty ok. Two broken windows (sucked out, not blown in), lots of trees down, and some roof damage. I rode around my neighborhood some, and it was tough going with all the trees. I went back home, texted with some friends out of town, and went to bed.

    Tuesday, I rode down to the garden district to check on a friends parents. Cell service had been weak Mon afternoon, and by Mon night all that worked was data (text, Blackberry email). By Tues am that was dead too. My friends parents weren’t at home, so I went to the hospital. It was like a Dutch oven, hot as hell and so humid the floors were slick. We had power for lights and elevators, but no A/C. The patients were being well cared for, but the nurses and staff were all drenched in sweat. Most were wearing shorts or cut-off scrubs. There were fans around, but they were just pushing hot humid air. I hung out at the hospital, but there really wasn’t much for me to do. I had expected some sort of mass casualty incident, but at that stage no one could get anywhere, and with the temp and humidity changes in the hospital, the sterility of our gear was in question. Clearly, no heart surgery was going to happen, but I still remember how to pulse irrigate a leg wound. Any way, it was hot as hell and there were lots of surgeons standing around, so I got back on my bike. I later found out that they did three cases that day. So, Tuesday afternoon I went back into the city. I did find my friends parents then, and they were fine on 4th street in the garden district. They had communicated with their daughter. It was then that we heard about the levee breech, and the city flooding. So, I rode further downtown to check it out. The intelligence of this decision is debatable, I know. So, I rode down St Charles. Along the way, I saw people looting every rite-aid and store. They were stealing tv’s, and one lady was pushing a grocery cart filled with bud lite and coors lite. One image that really stuck with me was of crews of young guys in small pickups loaded with stolen stuff, riding in back with the back end almost dragging the ground they were so loaded. It reminded me so much of the pictures of Somalia and of the “technicals” that the dudes there rode around in. The office depot had been cleaned out, and there was a freight palette leaning against the door so people could climb in. I saw one lady with her child in the baby part of a shopping cart loading stuff though the door of a rite aid into the cart. I made it past Poydras almost to Canal, which is where I saw my first police personnel. The water was getting deep, and they were trying to keep people out of that area. They were swamped in every sense of the word. There were dozens of people milling around, going down alleys and side streets. There just wasn’t much they could do. I rode back to the friends parents house. Things were collapsing rapidly. Looters had stolen all of the guns from the wall mart, and were robbing people on Jackson Ave, and shooting at firemen. It was somewhat dicey. I was seeing more and more “technicals”. After conferring with the parents, I rode back to my house. Once there, I moved all of the pictures and chairs from the first floor to the second, and did some other stuff. I hid the silver and the china. I was eating dinner, trying not to use the hospitals resources, and listening to the am radio. It was then, around 8pm, that I heard that the pump that had been helping keep even with the breech had failed, and that they were expecting 9 feet of water on St. Charles in 12-14 hours. My house is 2 blocks from St. Charles. By then, it was dark, and it was a darkness like camping. The only sounds were of incessant helicopters and occasional gunshots. Between overflights, it was dead silent. No background of airconditioners, streetcars, people, cars, nothing. Hanging out there seemed ill advised at that point. I had wanted to remain to protect my house, and had the necessary means, but wading out in the pitch black at 2:30 am in 4 feet of water was not appealing. There was no moon. I did have my waders, but that didn’t exactly make me feel better. So, around 8:30, I left. I took my bike and the pictures off of the refrigerator, and grabbed some few clothes. It was too dark to ride, and I didn’t want to attract attention by using my flashlight, so I walked. It was about 4 or 5 miles. There were some cars driving around, going from one side of the street, down the neutral ground, whatever. When I could see one coming, I slipped off the side of the road and waited for it to go by. Then I kept walking. Sounds tricky, but really no big deal. Afterall, I could see them long before they could see me, and with all of the trees and stuff down there were plenty of places to duck. Anyway, I eventually made it back to the hospital. I slept from about 3:30 til 6, and then got up. It was so freaking hot and humid that sleeping was a joke.

    Wednesday morning, I realized that I was accomplishing little. The hospital was evacuating our VAD and vent patients, and we still weren’t seeing an influx of casualties. FEMA was arriving and setting up stuff around town. I went out and got in my car, which was gassed up. I drove to my house (even looters have to sleep, and I figured that they weren’t typically early risers) and checked it out. There was about 6 inches of water in one street next to my house, but the rate of rise was almost imperceptible. I grabbed a couple of things, and left again. I went back to the hospital, and met up with my partner. His sister and mother and a friend needed an escort out of town, and I was leaving. So, they followed me along river road to the Huey P. Long bridge, over it, and onto US 90W. We went to 310 and then on north on I-55. I peeled off and crossed to see about my grandfather. He is 88 and a hardass. He refused to leave his house, which was powerless but otherwise unscathed. He had a generator that his tractor would power. I got some gas from a step cousin, and drove to Mobile. LA was trashed- trees down everywhere, power poles snapped in half. I must have run over hundreds of power lines. Mississippi 30 miles inland was fine, just no power or gas. I made it to Mobile after about 7 hours with the red light on in my gas gauge. Spent the night with lee and libby, and then drove charlotte and Heyward the next day (Thursday) to Charleston. We are putting H in school here, and Charlotte is trying to get a job. I am going back to New Orleans either Saturday or Sunday.