In an effort to save my asshole

I thought I'd post before Lo Lo obliterated it!

Let's clear some things up.

1. Just because you have a driver's license does not mean you should drive. Hi, everyone on 480 this applies to you!

2. My mother in law rocks. It has been great having her here this week.

3. My sister is going to have her baby tomorrow. We don't know the sex (of the baby, duh) so it will be doubly exciting.

4. The stank of my poo could kill a moose. Not attractive, but true.

5. Some people think #4 rocks because they only shit rose petals.

6. Apparently my neighbors (who rock - the ones across the street) think it is awesome that we now have a couch set up in the garage. It isn't staying. Hi, Stow Hillbillies? We quit.

7. Lo Lo escaped unscathed at the party, other than a few wet your panty incidents that were perfectly planned. Nice work Rick and Brian.

8. More after dinner.

OK. I'm back. Let me clarify #4. I don't share this with you to gross you out or to impress you. I tell you to scare you. After doing my business today some poor unsuspecting woman walked in after me and passed out cold. It is that potent, people.

9. Scientology is not, I repeat NOT, a religion. Just because some science fiction writer thought it up does not make it a religion. A cult, perhaps a club or a group of freaks but not a religion. If that were the case that a writer could create a religion I nominate Stephen King to do so. That shit I could get into. Pet Semetary? Hell yeah! And I don't think Stephen would mind if we took a few pills to get past post-partum depression! Hell, it would be written into the script, I mean bible.

10. I have lost 8, almost 9, pounds on weight watchers. Well, a hack version of WW, but it's working. Take that Jenny Craig, you beyotch. Although my waist is getting smaller I am not noticing a reduction in back fat or boobage. That, my friends, is some skillful weight loss.