Boo. Boo on me

It’s my birthday. OK, well not yet, but when you are reading this it is. My favorite holiday has always been Halloween. Why? My birthday is the next day!!!

Today I drove home from work and as I got into my neighborhood I started to cry as I saw all of the happy children. I cried for several reasons. I remembered going to school in my costume and being so excited about trick or treating that I could not stand to be in school a minute longer. I remember my mother making me put on my winter coat and being so pissed off that I wanted to scream. I didn’t mind that it was 20 below.

I cried for all that I remembered.

I also cried for all that will never be.

I want to be the mom walking around and telling her child to put on their winter coat because it is cold outside. I want to be the one checking candy to make sure it is safe.

Tomorrow is my birthday. How I wish it would not come until I had the above. How I wish and pray.

Drunken photo essay

As you may recall, a few posts ago I described my rock star drinking night out. As you know, it was Brian's birthday. The following is photographic evidence that I am in fact a rock star, or try to party like one anyway. There are some photos of me dancing with the birthday boy - which I didn't believe actually happened until I saw the pictures. Picture of me molesting Jen, my stepdaughter. The picture of the nice looking sober couple would be Rob and Lins who were kind enough to take my drunk ass home. So far I haven't seen one of Sue, so I'm using one from another night! Pic of Rach and Marc - there was one of me molesting Rach but my budda belly was too prominent to post on here, because we all know that after several hours of drinking gallons of wine and beer it is impossible to hold your belly in at all times. Thanks Nancy for capturing my drunktardedness.

Holla back, yo.

This is my brain on Van Gogh. I would like to have met him very much. I think we have a lot in common.

Friggin' Friday, Finally!

Finally, something good to post about. Our new home.


Check it out. We started here:

And now......

I just don't know

This may be a bit personal, so bear with me. I have many different feelings racing through me right now. I'm going to try to post this without giving up too much detail to protect the privacy of someone extremely close to me who I love more than words can express.

Let's just say that two little girls were molested by a sick woman who happened to be their grandmother. I know, makes me want to wretch also. Let's also say that this woman had a massive stroke last week and is in the hospital.

I am having trouble with reconciling how I feel.

When I first heard that she was in the hospital and unresponsive I thought good, let her die now and burn in hell for what she did to these innocent little girls. Then a little voice in me reminded me that I probably shouldn't think like that. Last night I found out that it was a stroke, that her right side is paralyzed and she has no speech, and is still unresponsive. I said GREAT. Just what the bitch deserves. At least she can't hurt any more children. My Mother was irritated with me. She said that as Christians we should pray for her. Not that we should feel bad that she is sick, but that we shouldn't be happy and gloat. Part of me really does agree with my Mother. Part of me wishes she would linger and suffer for the next 20 years with the quality of life of a turnip.

When I was in therapy last year this situation was discussed. I explained that the rage inside me towards this woman was at times all consuming. I hate her. I hate very, very few people. My therapist said it was normal to feel so much anger towards her, but that I needed to get past it and let it go for my own well being. I'm not sure I'm capable of this. When I look at the mess she has made of one of the little's girl's life who at 8 years old said she wanted to kill herself because of what happened to her, it makes it very difficult for me to set aside the anger and rage.

So, I guess God and my Mother will have to have some patience with me because at this point I just hope that she suffers and is in pain and is miserable for the rest of her worthless days on this earth. I hope that she never knows relief and that she feels no joy ever. I hope that her nurses are rough and uncaring. I hope she is scared and alone. I hope she is ruined.

I AM A GOLDEN GOD

Apparently Friday night I thought I could drink like a rock star. Wow, was I ever wrong. Friday was my good friend Brian's birthday. You can check out his blog for all of the details as to where we went and what we did. I say this because after a certain point at Cork's, the 2nd bar we went to, my memory checked out. Apparently my sense of humor kicked in and quite a few of my quotes were written down and shared with me yesterday. I vaguely remember some of them.
You can dress me up, but you most definitely cannot take me out.

Thank God I have good friends who will wake me up when I have fallen asleep at Panini's and drive me home. Thanks Lins and Rob! For the record though, I was not sleeping, I was resting my eyes.

And to the fucktard who stole my hands free ear piece for my cell phone - you suck donkey balls. Although it is entirely possible that I am responsible for losing it, you should have tracked me down and given it back.

Note to all - I am off the drinking circuit for awhile. At least the drinking in public circuit. At least the drinking in public circuit until we get a film crew....then I'll be back!

Now about those amigos......

Here's your mission, should you choose to accept it.

(this message will self destruct in 10 seconds)

My very good friend Lo Lo Lova is in search of a new tote bag. We are looking for something with Marilyn Monroe on it, and it should be largish with a zipper. Also, not too expensive. So, all you Friday bloggers who are bored to tears at work and just itching for some project to fill the rest of your day - get to it! Feel free to post the links in my comment section and we will check them out. Whoever finds the bag that Lo Lo decides to buy (and we will post a picture of her with it!) wins a prize.

10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1
BOOM

Wonder what Ian would think?

I am not real sure how I feel about this. Being a huge James Bond fan (hint hubby - I would love the box set for Christmas!), I am not thrilled about this Daniel Craig who I've never heard of becoming the next 007. Also, he really isn't that sexy. I would have felt better about Hugh Jackman (mamma mia he is this shit). I hope they at least darken his hair. Can't have a blonde bimbo saving the world!

Loretta Lynn, anyone?

It isn't the quantity of children that frightens me. It isn't that his name is Jim Bob. It isn't that they named all of their children with J names. It is the fugly hair this woman has. Holy shit. Let me say that again, holy shit. She totally needs Queer Eye for the Throw-back Country and Western Singer.

Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks, Cleveland Rocks

Take this all you doubters.....we are the best! We've come a long way, baby.

Oh, and my puppy is better!

We leave tonight for Rochester, NY for my fave cousin Chris' wedding. You will remember he was the D.J. for my sister's wedding. Unfortunately he didn't return the favor and hired a real D.J. so I am guessing I won't get to hear any Dave Matthews Band. Well, there is the 4+ hour car ride.....get ready Dave (hubby), it is going to be a DMB marathon!

This is for those of you who think my posts are sometimes gross, crude, or over the line:
poop poop poop poop poop poop

Oh, and Lo Lo has a big penis. It's true and she'll prove it Sunday night live on Fox.

Aw crap.

I like poop as much as the next gal, but not when it is in the middle of my carpeted bathroom floor at 6:25 a.m. in the liquid form left by my dog. I'm sure my husband likes it even less as he got the call to get out of bed and clean it up. It was either that, or he would be cleaning up my puke in addition to the liqui-shit left by Shadow.

This of course was after cleaning shit and puke last night when we got home. Had to strip the bed and Dave had loads of poo to take care of. Glad I took Rach home and missed most of it.

Ah, the joys of owning a pet. On that note, congratulations to Ubie on the new addition to her family. Meow.