I just don't know
This may be a bit personal, so bear with me. I have many different feelings racing through me right now. I'm going to try to post this without giving up too much detail to protect the privacy of someone extremely close to me who I love more than words can express.
Let's just say that two little girls were molested by a sick woman who happened to be their grandmother. I know, makes me want to wretch also. Let's also say that this woman had a massive stroke last week and is in the hospital.
I am having trouble with reconciling how I feel.
When I first heard that she was in the hospital and unresponsive I thought good, let her die now and burn in hell for what she did to these innocent little girls. Then a little voice in me reminded me that I probably shouldn't think like that. Last night I found out that it was a stroke, that her right side is paralyzed and she has no speech, and is still unresponsive. I said GREAT. Just what the bitch deserves. At least she can't hurt any more children. My Mother was irritated with me. She said that as Christians we should pray for her. Not that we should feel bad that she is sick, but that we shouldn't be happy and gloat. Part of me really does agree with my Mother. Part of me wishes she would linger and suffer for the next 20 years with the quality of life of a turnip.
When I was in therapy last year this situation was discussed. I explained that the rage inside me towards this woman was at times all consuming. I hate her. I hate very, very few people. My therapist said it was normal to feel so much anger towards her, but that I needed to get past it and let it go for my own well being. I'm not sure I'm capable of this. When I look at the mess she has made of one of the little's girl's life who at 8 years old said she wanted to kill herself because of what happened to her, it makes it very difficult for me to set aside the anger and rage.
So, I guess God and my Mother will have to have some patience with me because at this point I just hope that she suffers and is in pain and is miserable for the rest of her worthless days on this earth. I hope that she never knows relief and that she feels no joy ever. I hope that her nurses are rough and uncaring. I hope she is scared and alone. I hope she is ruined.
Let's just say that two little girls were molested by a sick woman who happened to be their grandmother. I know, makes me want to wretch also. Let's also say that this woman had a massive stroke last week and is in the hospital.
I am having trouble with reconciling how I feel.
When I first heard that she was in the hospital and unresponsive I thought good, let her die now and burn in hell for what she did to these innocent little girls. Then a little voice in me reminded me that I probably shouldn't think like that. Last night I found out that it was a stroke, that her right side is paralyzed and she has no speech, and is still unresponsive. I said GREAT. Just what the bitch deserves. At least she can't hurt any more children. My Mother was irritated with me. She said that as Christians we should pray for her. Not that we should feel bad that she is sick, but that we shouldn't be happy and gloat. Part of me really does agree with my Mother. Part of me wishes she would linger and suffer for the next 20 years with the quality of life of a turnip.
When I was in therapy last year this situation was discussed. I explained that the rage inside me towards this woman was at times all consuming. I hate her. I hate very, very few people. My therapist said it was normal to feel so much anger towards her, but that I needed to get past it and let it go for my own well being. I'm not sure I'm capable of this. When I look at the mess she has made of one of the little's girl's life who at 8 years old said she wanted to kill herself because of what happened to her, it makes it very difficult for me to set aside the anger and rage.
So, I guess God and my Mother will have to have some patience with me because at this point I just hope that she suffers and is in pain and is miserable for the rest of her worthless days on this earth. I hope that she never knows relief and that she feels no joy ever. I hope that her nurses are rough and uncaring. I hope she is scared and alone. I hope she is ruined.
posted by Melanie was here @ 9:45 AM
Isn't it just amazing at how life works.. the scum of the earth are left to live while the good ones are no longer around. Look at how many innocent people have lost their lives... and people like this grandmother can stay alive.. I can't help but feel the same way... It's just not right. I will pray for the girls...