Anyone seen me? Here I am!

Sorry I've been absent. Been pretty busy. I know, no excuse. I sure wish I had something brilliant or hilarious to write about, but I don't. Unless you consider Sophie puking some God awful nastiness into her cage one of those (by the way Dave is bowling tonight so he'll have a nice little surprise waiting for him to clean up when he gets home).

Speaking of bowling, had the bowling meeting last night where we go over the rules (said rules haven't changed in like 50 years, so you can obviously see the importance of reading through them. One by one. Every word). Can't believe bowling starts next Wednesday. Truly the end of summer. And prepare yourselves now, I will bitch every week about having to bowl but I really do like it. I bowl with my Mom (this was originally her team with her friends but they've dropped out over the years), my sister Jen, my stepdaughter Jen, and my best friend Tammy. So, pretty cool that I get to see them every week. We have two great subs, who are two of my wonderful friends, in Sue and Carly. Should be a good year!

Here is some shocking news. Maija, my granddaughter, will turn 1 tomorrow. Holy crap people. Seems like just yesterday we were anxiously awaiting news of her birth, gathering at the hospital to meet her and instantly falling in love with her. I didn't actually get to hold her, or even touch her, until a few days later (long story not worth telling), but the second I saw her I was smitten. Hard to believe I could love her any more, but boy do I. Hopefully Jen (her link is over there on the side) will actually blog (LY, MI) and put some pics on there in honor of our little pumpkin's big day!

In other news, Ohio State kicks off their season this Saturday. I (Dave will be working) am having some people over (so far Sue, Brian and Squirt) to watch the Buckeyes kick some major ass. Too bad Carly, possibly the world's biggest OSU fan can't be here. Some stupid family thing. And Nancy and Jami both have other committents. You guys will be missed but rest assured we will drink your share of the beer-o.

Also, in case you forgot, Nick is a slut.

Our newest additions, namely Gianna and Andrew, or both doing well. The bowling team gathered last night at Red Robin to celebrate (or mourn) the beginning of another never ending bowling season. It was Andrew's first dinner out, and he was the only male! Lucky guy. We took pictures of Gianna and Andrew together so when they get married we can put that picture on their wedding cake. Awesome.

I think our yard is being installed next week. I sure will miss the mud pit which is our "yard" now. Great for pigs, not so great for doggies, though I think Sophie is, in fact, part pig.

Go Bucks!!

P.S. Ubie and Lo Lo, thank you for the Haiku, I heart you.

In an effort to save my asshole

I thought I'd post before Lo Lo obliterated it!

Let's clear some things up.

1. Just because you have a driver's license does not mean you should drive. Hi, everyone on 480 this applies to you!

2. My mother in law rocks. It has been great having her here this week.

3. My sister is going to have her baby tomorrow. We don't know the sex (of the baby, duh) so it will be doubly exciting.

4. The stank of my poo could kill a moose. Not attractive, but true.

5. Some people think #4 rocks because they only shit rose petals.

6. Apparently my neighbors (who rock - the ones across the street) think it is awesome that we now have a couch set up in the garage. It isn't staying. Hi, Stow Hillbillies? We quit.

7. Lo Lo escaped unscathed at the party, other than a few wet your panty incidents that were perfectly planned. Nice work Rick and Brian.

8. More after dinner.

OK. I'm back. Let me clarify #4. I don't share this with you to gross you out or to impress you. I tell you to scare you. After doing my business today some poor unsuspecting woman walked in after me and passed out cold. It is that potent, people.

9. Scientology is not, I repeat NOT, a religion. Just because some science fiction writer thought it up does not make it a religion. A cult, perhaps a club or a group of freaks but not a religion. If that were the case that a writer could create a religion I nominate Stephen King to do so. That shit I could get into. Pet Semetary? Hell yeah! And I don't think Stephen would mind if we took a few pills to get past post-partum depression! Hell, it would be written into the script, I mean bible.

10. I have lost 8, almost 9, pounds on weight watchers. Well, a hack version of WW, but it's working. Take that Jenny Craig, you beyotch. Although my waist is getting smaller I am not noticing a reduction in back fat or boobage. That, my friends, is some skillful weight loss.

Lo Lo made me do it

OK people. We are having a graduation party for my stepson David on Saturday. More details next week with hopefully some pics. Anywhoooo, Lo Lo is attending, with both her mens. That means there can be no talk of Lo Lo as a blogger. This is her dirty little secret, that and the fact that she is a hor, and it is her outlet to bitch about stuff that she couldn't otherwise. So, for those of you who will be at my house you only know Lo Lo as Laura and you met her at the strip club, not blogger.
Thanks!

It ain't chin hair, but it is still cool....

Dave has been a very busy boy. See, when we first moved in I hated our new house. I was homesick and spent many a night crying and hating the house. Mind you, I knew we had built a gorgeous home and were lucky to be here. Didn't matter to my silly brain. He even found me in the closet one night, but that is a different story.

My wonderful husband made it his mission to make me feel comfortable here. He started painting like a madman. You've seen many pics. Here are the latest. He has painted the kitchen. Mind you, I still need to clean up, but you get the idea. Thanks to my husband for making me feel at home and helping me cope with the move, even though I didn't want to cope with it!






Funny how a coat of paint can make a place feel like home. That and all the love that goes into it.

We need to talk, Internet.

I just plucked a 14 inch hair out of my chin. Dammit people, you need to point these things out.

DMB wrap up

For sure will happen
1. Will drink wine at home with Kelly, Carly and Barb before going to the show.
This did happen – well, Carly didn’t drink wine but she had a diet coke!

2. Will have a designated driver.
Yep, thanks again Carly. Truly appreciate it.

3. Will totally flash Dave if he makes eye contact with me.
Nope, didn’t happen. I thought he looked at me once but I was wrong. The boobs stayed covered.

4. Will sweat my arse off as it is supposed to be like 150 degrees.
Yep, this absolutely happened.

5. Will lose something at the show, do every year.
I don’t think I did. In fact I think I absconded with someone else’s blanket tie thing.

6. Will get bored during at least one instrumental solo.
Yep, this happened in the encore.

7. Will body check any douche bag who tries to step on my blanket.
Actually got into a fight (yelling) at some guy who walked right across my blanket almost stepping on me, and Carly and Kelly. He’s lucky I didn’t get up and punch him in the nuts. I was so pissed.

8. Will not break the seal for as long as humanly possible.
Broke it before we left the house. Rookie mistake.

9. Will spend WAY too much money on beer.
Yep. Coors Light, $9 for a 24 oz. beer.

10. Will randomly call people who I can't hear on the phone and hold my phone up so they can hear something resembling DMB.
Nope, didn’t do it.

11. I will stumble to the car with a million other people and then listen to DMB cd's while I wait to get out of the parking lot - trying to hear songs that they didn't play at the concert.
Nope, didn’t happen.

Hopefully will or won't happen
1. Will make out with Dave Matthews (he's on my list so it is ok.)
Nope, didn’t make out with anyone.

2. Will keep track of my purse.
Yep, kept it on my body the whole time.

3. Will not have to punch anyone in the face.
Almost did, but I refrained.

4. Won't fall down while dancing....you'd be surprised how easily that happens.
I didn’t fall down, but I did need a little help getting back to the car.

5. Won't spill my $34 beer while walking back to the blanket.
Only spilled a little bit……into my purse.

6. Will get through the bathroom line quickly.
Pretty much this happened all night.

7. Will have a good hair day.
If sweat soaked hair is good, I had an excellent hair day.

8. Will make it home in one piece.
Yep, thanks again Carly.

9. Will let Dave touch me inappropriately.
No, but I think Carly did.

10. Will not fall down walking to the car.
Didn’t fall, but I did stumble.

11. Will stay dry.
Even my underwear was soaked from sweat. It was frriggin’ hot!

Can’t wait until next year.

DMB baby, DMB

Tonight is a night that I look forward to every year. Tonight I will be going to Blossom to see Dave Matthews Band. Damn right! I'm going to list some things I will for sure do tonight and things I hope to do, or not do tonight!

For sure will happen
1. Will drink wine at home with Kelly, Carly and Barb before going to the show.
2. Will have a designated driver.
3. Will totally flash Dave if he makes eye contact with me.
4. Will sweat my arse off as it is supposed to be like 150 degrees.
5. Will lose something at the show, do every year.
6. Will get bored during at least one instrumental solo.
7. Will body check any douche bag who tries to step on my blanket.
8. Will not break the seal for as long as humanly possible.
9. Will spend WAY too much money on beer.
10. Will randomly call people who I can't hear on the phone and hold my phone up so they can hear something resembling DMB.
11. I will stumble to the car with a million other people and then listen to DMB cd's while I wait to get out of the parking lot - trying to hear songs that they didn't play at the concert.

Hopefully will or won't happen
1. Will make out with Dave Matthews (he's on my list so it is ok.)
2. Will keep track of my purse.
3. Will not have to punch anyone in the face.
4. Won't fall down while dancing....you'd be surprised how easily that happens.
5. Won't spill my $34 beer while walking back to the blanket.
6. Will get through the bathroom line quickly.
7. Will have a good hair day.
8. Will make it home in one piece.
9. Will let Dave touch me inappropriately.
10. Will not fall down walking to the car.
11. Will stay dry.

I'm off tomorrow, but will be back Friday - unless Dave asks me to go on tour with him in which case I may never be back.