Oh Canada.....

You are so toast! That's right, 7 of my fellow Americans are coming. Yes, we are coming. And we will drink all of your wine and give you are money in the Casinos and crack jokes coming back across the border to the U.S. Such jokes as when the border agents ask us "Do you have anything to declare?" I will respond with "I declare your damn casino took all of my money." Just like in years past you will not laugh, though I will nervously.

If you haven't guessed already, we are taking a weekend trip to, um, Canada! Yep, we leave on Friday afternoon and head up to Niagara Falls. There is a huge wine festival, and being winos and all we figure we shouldn't miss it. Wanna hear some crazy stuff that I dread before a trip? I thought so.

1. Our hotel has 18 floors and I am stressing that our room will be above say the 4th. My reasons are two-fold. I am afraid of heights and I am afraid of elevators. I would much rather be on a floor where I can comfortably utilize the stairs. Also, I don't want to be on top because it is pretty windy up there from the Falls and all and I'm fairly certain that the very weekend I am there will be the weekend that the hotel is knocked over by said wind. I'd rather be on the bottom where I can haul ass down the stairs and get outside before the building topples.

2. I am dreading crossing that 4 million foot high bridge that connects us. I wonder how many other people that keeps out of Canadia? It won't keep me out but I'll be white knuckling the entire time we are sitting on that bitch of a bridge. I'd almost rather go down below and swim the river. Seriously.

3. My friends want to have dinner in the Skylon Tower. Tower people. Need I say more? Seriously, Rick has been wonderful telling me that we can go somewhere else since I'm so afraid. He is so cute. When I told him I've had nightmares about since I was a kid seeing as how my parents forced us to go in it (Chris - you were there, you remember. Your mom used her typical restaurant last name of Ryan) he suggested that I face that fear head on and it will go away. If only it were that easy. Anyway, at the time I wasn't terrified. But since that time I've had nightmares that I'm stuck up there and something tragic happens. Either the whole thing falls, or there is a hatch in the top and I have to go through the hatch and slide down the side, which plummets me to the ground, or just as George Clooney goes to kiss me I belch and/or fart. Yes people, scary stuff.

4. I'll be in a foreign country. They all HATE Americans! I'm so screwed.

Please don't feel the need to pick my fears apart. That doesn't work either. By all means feel free to poke fun (Nick, you slut, this is your chance).

Having said all that, I am so looking forward to going. We always have a great time. This year we will be missing a couple (Pat and Kelly), but we've picked up a couple (Jen and Adam, and Adam promised to wear his tux t-shirt. SWEET) so it evens out. Here's the line-up:
Dave and me
Rick and Margie
Alex and Dianna
Jen and Adam (joining the part-ay on Saturday)

We will miss all of you who can't make it. In fact, we will toast each and every one of you on our big wine tour!

All right, I am off to prep for my mounting. Dammit I mean Mounties.

I'm in heaven. T.V. heaven

I don't care if you're gay, or straight, or lesbian, or overweight......I want you in the conference room.

The Office did not disappoint. I won't go into the details in case you didn't see it, but it was definitely worth the wait. Why oh why don't Jim and Pam just get together?! Poor Oscar, do you think his roommate knows? Seriously, who did this? I'M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND.

Then Grey's Anatomy. Brilliant. A lot of flashbacks, which was o.k. George was adorable as usual. McDreamy was incredible by finally admitting that he made the wrong choice. What was up with Addison thinking that she could apologize after he JUST busted her boinking his best friend and it would make everything better? Izzie needs to snap the phuck out of it. Yes, I get that she lost someone that she thought she loved, but come on. You don't lay on the bathroom floor in your prom dress all day. You eat. You drink. You cry and you punch things. OK, maybe I'm projecting, but still. I love love love Dr. Bailey. Every week I feel like I understand her more. And what was with Dr. Webber's wife? I think she's dying or something. Yang's closing line kicked ass. Don't die. I don't care what you say, Callie is cool as hell.

Hope you all enjoyed tonight as much as I did. Can't wait until next Thursday.

By the way - telemarketers should know better than to call me between 8:30 p.m. and 10 p.m. To the jackass who called tonight I'll cut you a break since maybe you forgot, but don't do it again. I will put a curse on you.

Lastly, just a little note to all the Blue Tooth headset wearers, or the Borg. You look like a bunch of idiots walking around with your headsets on when you aren't on the phone, and quite honestly when you are on the phone. People, this is not an accessory. You look like douche bags. Just some advice.

Peace out.

Radical bullshit mother shitters

Give me a fucking break. Are they serious with this??? I’m not Catholic, but dammit Pope, don’t apologize to these violent hate mongers. You did nothing wrong.

If you’d like to read something more eloquently explaining why the Pope’s talk is being totally blown out of proportion, go check out Ubie.

Hey all you extremists – go choke on an elephant penis. Assclowns, all of you.

Oh – and how about not killing any more innocent people? I realize that your murders totally back your rantings that you are a peaceful group, but guess what? You really aren’t getting your point across.

I will now be in search of a deserted tropical island where I can go live and not have to hear about this bullshit anymore. I’m going to grow grapes and make wine and play on the beach and eat coconut all day. My only concern will be which wine to drink and which part of the beach to lay on.

The winds of change are blowin'.

Fall is definitely upon us here in northeastern Ohio. This is my absolute favorite season. The leaves change and are gorgeous, there is just a slight chill in the air that a sweater takes care of. The smells are wonderful. Usually you can hear a chainsaw on a Saturday morning getting their winter wood supply ready. I wish I could live somewhere where it is fall all year. Spring is too wet, winter is too cold, and summer is too hot. Fall is perfection.

I also love fall because it signals the beginning of the school year and, as I think I've mentioned before, I am a school supply junkie. I can't tell you how excited I was every year to pick out my new Trapper Keeper, and pens and pencils and paper (I still remember getting my first pack of narrow ruled!!). Now I just roam those aisles and check it out, never purchasing anything. A little sad? Yes. A lot pathetic? Hell yes.

Well folks, if you need me I'll be sitting on the deck with Dave and a glass of wine with our new chiminea watching the leaves fall and trying to soak up the last bits of sunlight.


Random Weekend Wrap-up Stuff
Our Friday night volleyball team made it to the semi-finals. We got our asses handed to us. I think we wore ourselves trash talking for a week. Also, we clearly did not drink enough before the games. Robbie - hope you are feeling better.

Saturday was Rachel's birthday party. It kicked ass. Some hottie young dude asked me how old I was and when I told him to guess he guessed 24! I told him I loved him and walked away before he could change his guess.

I learned that persistance pays off. Jami finally flashed me! Thanks woman, now I really feel like part of the group!

Caution: contains adult language

Don't want to be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new media
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind fuck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along to the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Don't want to be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It's calling out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.


Also, this makes me laugh my ass off every time I watch it. Ask Lo Lo what she thought of it!!!

Roll 'em beyotches

First night of bowling. We took 7 out of 7 points. Nice job, ladies. The following are our averages and scores. Here goes:

Jen J. (avg. 143) bowled 168, 136 (oops) and 155

Carly (avg. 94 - first year bowling) 120 (woo hoo), 70, 92

Mel a.k.a. me (avg. 149) 136, 153, 189 (should have been a 200 but I choked in the 10th)

Sue (avg. 127) 148, 156, 155 (nice solid showing!)

Mom (avg. 137) 135, 168, 157 (that's my MOM!)

Stayed tuned for weekly updates. We are shooting for league champs......again!

I whomped 'em all with a 478 series, but have no fear I'm sure they'll kick my arse next week!