That stupid twat has returned. You all shall feel the wrath.

Things you should not do while PMS’ing

1. Speak with anyone
2. Leave your desk
3. Go seek lunch during peak hours as you are bound to punch someone in the throat
4. Drive a car
5. Did I mention speak to anyone?
6. Eat everything you see
7. Attempt to concentrate on anything
8. Smile – it totally looks fake
9. Get caught without a supply of Midol or at the very least Motrin.
10. Act like you aren’t suffering from severe and sudden mood swings. You aren’t fooling anyone!

Things I want to eat whilst PMS’ing

1. Chocolate (duh)
2. Chips
3. Pepperoni pizza
4. Peanut butter and honey sandwiches
5. Chocolate milkshakes with potato chips
6. M&M’s
7. ICE CREAM
8. ICE CREAM
9. ICE CREAM
10. Nothing healthy

Things I actually have eaten today

See above

People I want to donkey punch whilst PMS’ing

1. Your Mom
2. The lady at the pharmacy who did not get my prescription ready even though I called that bitch yesterday and she said it would be ready by lunch….yesterday.
3. The dude at Au Bon Pain who charged me for a soda even though I only had water. He now walks with a limp, and not the good kind.
4. The A-hole who made me come in today for a 7 a.m. meeting
5. The A-hole who flipped their car on MLK and caused me to be late for said meeting
6. My co-worker (NOT LO LO) who asked the dumbest ever questions during said meeting.
7. My husband simply because 1) this is his fault and 2) he looked so comfy sleeping this morning when I got up for work.
8. Probably Nick because he’ll make some smart ass comment
9. The jerkoff lady on the skyway with the really ugly green sequin purse for walking very slowly in front of me, and somehow getting in the beverage line in front of me at Au Bon Pain. YOU SUCK.
10. All men. We get our period, you get wet dreams. Real fucking fair assholes.

Hugs and kisses mother bitches!