TGIF

Thank God it's Friday. Truer words were never spoken.

Only 4 more days of wearing spectacles.

In January 27th we are going to Columbus for a hockey game and apparently our seats are kick ass. Like, catch a puck between your eyes kick ass.

Tonight is my nephew Jacob's 1st birthday party (was supposed to be two weeks ago, but the chicken pox are kicking my family's ass). I honestly cannot believe he has been part of our lives for an entire year already. Happy birthday, Jacoby!

Last night I made buffalo chicken dip for the aforementioned party. Holy shit, best dip. Ever. When you make it and love it, feel free to name your first born after me. Ah, hell....just give me your first born.

Note to cousin Chris - YOU WOULDN'T HAVE COME.
(don't worry people, he'll know)

Head on over to the Stork's website if you want to see one of the funniest videos in the entire world of our friend Chrissy trying to chop wood. I'm pretty sure I've never laughed so hard.

Have a great weekend everyone. Smell you later.

And here is proof that I can, in fact, party like a rock star.

And now I'll sing to you

Holy shit, internet. I am posting a cubic butt load lately.

Possibly the best lyrics from a song ever:

Well, I woke up this morning, I got myself a beer
Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
The future's uncertain, and the end is always near

The Doors, Roadhouse Blues


Best lyrics to send to my good friend going through a bad time. Don't know if she even reads this anymore, but let me tell you - Janis is feeling you.

Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Didn't i make you feel like you were the only man ¡º yeah!
An' didn't i give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ?
Honey, you know i did!
And each time i tell myself that i, well i think i've had enough,
But i'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.
I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, have a!
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it if it makes you feel good,
Oh, yes indeed.
You're out on the streets looking good,
And baby deep down in your heart i guess you know that it ain't right,
Never, never, never, never, never, never hear me when i cry at night,
Babe, and i cry all the time!
But each time i tell myself that i, well i can't stand the pain,
But when you hold me in your arms, i'll sing it once again.
I'll say come on, come on, come on, come on and take it!
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby.
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah,
Oh, oh, have a!
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good.
I need you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart, now darling, yeah, c'mon now.
Oh, oh, have a
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby.
You know you got it whoahhhhh!!
Take it!
Take it! take another little piece of my heart now, baby,
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart, now darling, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Oh, oh, have a
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, hey,
You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good.

Reasons why today can go phuck itself

1. Spent 2 hours stuck in traffic trying to get to work.
2. Finally got to work and everyone here is pissing me off. Ok, well not everyone but damn near close.
3. My eyes are still friggin' dilated from yesterday. The dilation and the stress of the light on my eyes is making me REALLY tired.
4. I didn't sleep well last night.
5. I went to the crapeteria to get lunch and had $20 in my pocket. Got to the cash register to pay and that bitch was gone. Searched my 2 pockets like 74 times. My friend went and retraced our steps. No $20 spot. I'm sure it either fell out of my stupid pocket, or was partially hanging out and some douche bag took it. In either case, I was angry. Very angry. Punch a wall angry.
6. My button down shirt is a wee bit too tight and keeps gapping in the boob area. I hate that.
7. Having a horrible hair day. Not sure if I just didn't use enough mousse, or if I used too much conditioner, or if I didn't rinse out the conditioner well enough. In any case, it looks like poop and I may have to shave my head.
8. A friend of mine is going through some really difficult personal shit and I don't know how to help her. Actually don't think I can help her other than to just keep on lovin' her. Sucks though. I like to fix things.
9. You know all the weight I lost a few months ago? I say all the weight like I did something spectacular. I lost about 10 pounds. Well, those phuckers found me and brought a few of their friends. I so need to sign up for a liposuction package or something.
10. Because I said so.

Scully?

This is what my eyes look like today. I had them dilated in preparation for my laser eye surgery next week. I cannot wait. The dilation lasts for 24 hours which sucks because I really can't see very well right now. Also, I look like a character out of the X-Files who has been attacked by the black ooze so that is pretty wicked cool. You may be thinking that it is too early on a Monday for a X-Files reference and you would be wrong. It is never too early.

I see you.....

…..well, I’ll be able to see you without glasses or contacts after January 24th! I’m having Lasik eye surgery and I can’t tell you how excited I am. It is a really cool procedure and doesn’t even take more than a minute total to laser both of my eyes. I wonder if they use frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their frickin’ heads. I did of course ask the doctor if they immobilize my head as I’d hate to jerk away and laser off the top of my head. He didn’t seem to think that would be a problem.

And now, a list. Things I am not proud of, by Melaniewashere:

1. I ate ice cream for dinner last night. Chocolate Moosetracks. Holy crap is that good ice cream.
2. I ask Dave to get me any number of things in the morning. Items include, but are not limited to, black pants, lemonade, iced tea, coffee, a shirt. Apparently this bothers the shit out of him. I’d like to say I’ll stop, that I’ll become more self reliant, but I doubt it. I’ll try.
3. I roll my eyes and sigh heavily every single time the phone at work rings. Every time.
4. I walk through a waiting room of sick people and all I can focus on is the wretched stench of urine. Real nice, eh? I should feel badly since they are sick people, but I just wish they'd stop peeing on our chairs.
5. I use the cheap ass gas. I know it would be better on my car to use the high grade stuff, but I really don’t feel like getting a second job to pay for it.
6. I secretly want to bitch-slap several people. Several. Not sure why I’m not proud of that since the ones I want to bitch-slap totally deserve to be bitch-slapped (is bitch-slap supposed to be hyphenated?).
7. The fact that I have branded Nick a slut. I mean, he totally is a slut, but I’m not proud that I told everyone.
8. When I hear that so-and-so is pregnant sometimes I am jealous.
9. I chew the ever living shit out of my cuticles. Gross.
10. I swear way too much.

And some pics of the ladies and me, in case you forgot what we look like :-) And yes, I am wearing a belt on my head in one of the pictures. Shut up, you love it.