I remember.....

In kindergarten my teacher was Mrs. Wheeler. She was awesome, but pretty strict. I couldn’t wait to go every day. We had a sandbox in our classroom. We also had some sort of presidential debate. I think it was Carter vs. Mondale or something. I don’t know. I remember always having fun in class. This is the year that I ran home screaming because the garbage truck was coming. See, my grandmother had told me that if it caught me it would grind me up into hamburger meat and sell me at McDonalds. My mom was PISSED!

In first grade my teacher was Ms. Medic. She was very young, very pretty and very nice. We used to play I Spy on rainy days when we couldn’t go outside to recess. I think this is the year that I threw my book bag out into the street and ran after it to my mom’s horror. She was PISSED. I think this was also the year that I got frostbite on my way to school because I stopped to sled down some snow piles for like 2 hours or something.

In second grade I had to change schools because my parents moved from South Euclid to Mentor. We moved from a little bungalow to a HUGE colonial. I hated it. Thought the house was way too big and I was terrified that I would get lost in it. Also, my room in the bungalow had a kick ass built in toy closet in the wall. It was awesome. The stupid new house didn’t have that. Also, instead of walking to and from school I had to take a stupid school bus. Also, I didn’t know anyone. I remember walking into my new class at my new school and I started crying because everyone knew everyone else and I didn’t know where to sit and I was completely overwhelmed. My teacher was Mrs. H – can’t remember her name but know what she looked like. A boy, Tom L. I believe made fun of me because my Mom made me wear snowpants in the winter. My teacher told me to tell him to eat his heart out. I thought that was awesome.

In third grade my teacher was Mrs. O’Malley. She was a nice teacher, but again very strict. I remember on recess I hit a boy in the eye with my glove, his name was Jason, and he claimed that his eyeball spun all the way around. I had to write sentences. Then I told another kid, I think his name was Kevin, that he was a dick. I had to write more sentences. I believe this is the year that I started worrying if my parents would tell the school if I died. Also had a master plan to get all of my stuffed animals and bible out of the house should a fire break out. Also, informed my parents that we needed toothpaste that was approved by the ADA.

In fourth grade my teacher was Mr. Overbaugh. He had a skeleton in the corner of the classroom named Charlie. I really liked Charlie. 4th grade was pretty cool because it was my first year in the big kid’s hall. I could still go over to the little kid playground if I wanted to, but our playground was even cooler. I remember going down the slide and my pant leg got caught on a screw or something under the slide and it flipped me over and off the slide, and I was hanging upside down on the slide. Don’t exactly remember how I got down – I think someone crawled up the slide and helped me. Also, my “friend” Danielle punched me in the stomach during a rousing game of Trouble. She did not have to write sentences. I did call a girl a bitch during wall ball and you guessed it, I had to write sentences. This was the first year that I wore a bra because I was an early bloomer. I told my mom that if she didn’t get me a training bra my boobs would grow in crooked (that jerk Danielle told me that). The first day I wore it to school Gina Vencle picked on me and so I took it off and put it in my lunch box. Don’t think I tried that again until at least 6th grade. I think this was the year I mastered multiplication tables.

In fifth grade my teacher was Mr. Pethal. We called him Mr. Pick it and Flick it because that is what he did with his boogers. It was nasty. Also, he was mostly bald so after recess he would “comb” his hair with a washcloth. He would lecture us every day that if we didn’t straighten up and fly right we would end up selling socks at Higbees. What a douche, Higbees went out of business years ago! I remember Kevin Hoffman got in trouble EVERY day and sat in a corner by himself like all year. I remember Greg Wing cried every day. I remember during out loud class reading Josh McDonald (I had a HUGE crush on him and fyi at our high school 10 year reunion he was still smokin’ hot and a cop!) would start out loud and by the end you could barely hear him.

In sixth grade I had Mr. Hanlon. I am pretty sure he was some kind of pervert as he would let Gina V. and me massage his shoulders during class. We called him our “Fearless Leader” and also, peg leg because he had a wooden leg on account of a motorcycle accident. He was pretty cool. He taught us algebra, which when I went on to Junior High I realized no one else had to learn. We also had Micro Money. He and the other 6th grade teacher combined for this and it was so much fun. We had fake money and had to create businesses. I decided to have a business of renting all of the balls in the classroom – you know, the red ball, the basketball, etc. It was a good plan other than the weather didn’t cooperate and I really lost my shirt in rentals. It sucked. Also, this was the year that we learned about the stock market. Had to pick a stock and follow it through like 6 weeks or something. I think I picked some toilet paper stock figuring everyone needs toilet paper. Our future valedictorian picked Mircrosoft. I really should have listened to Josh Freshwater more often! Though I heard later that he was kicked out of Harvard for selling drugs. This is the year I went to Camp Whitewood for 6th grade camp and had to miss the first night in the cabin due to a migraine (probably due to excitement). However, when I returned the next morning from the nurses cabin I discovered that the girls from my school got into a fight with the girls from the other school and we had to walk circles around the stupid fire. I was pissed! I also wrote a wicked scary story about camp and I’ll have to post that one of these days. I also fell in love with one of the camp counselors, Sven, who was so dreamy. He was a freshman or something in college. Also I fell in love with Randy, a guy that worked at COSI when my Girl Scout Troop had a campover there. I cried when we left. He thought I was a cute little kid and I thought he was my soul mate. WTF?!

The summer after sixth grade I kissed a boy for the first time at the Girlscout/Boyscout jamboree. I was terrified. No worries though, he dumped me the next day for Linda because she let him touch her boobs over her shirt, and I drew the line there.

Perhaps I’ll give you 7th through 9th and then 10th through 12th next. For now, I think you have enough to process.