Seriously, nobody should bowl like this
So, I went to see Rach and Melissa bowl last night. Now, for the record, I also bowl on a league. Perhaps I am too caught up in my bowling to notice the delightful folks at the bowling alley. Going as an observer was an eye opening experience. I noticed a few "types" of bowlers and will discuss a few briefly. I'm certain I'll leave someone out, so feel free to help me out.
1. Ballerina Bowler. This woman literally held her ball above her head as if it was an offering to God. Now, I may be discussing her purely out of jealousy. I know damn well if I tried that I would biff myself in the coconut....especially during the third game after approximatey 14 beers.
2. Pretty in Pink Bowler. This beyotch is a size -3 and wears cute little clothes including a little pink sweater that would fit my 4 year old niece. Not an ounce of fat on her. I hate her for this fact and this fact alone. Now I am not by any means a large person (go between size 4 and 6), but this A-hole makes me look morbidly obese. The only bright spot is that she bowls for shit. I could kick her ass in a roll off! Bring it on Barbie! I got a can of wup (spelled correctly??) ass with your name all over it.
3. Aerobic bowler. This health conscious bowler likes to get more of a work-out whilst hurling the ball down the alley. She repeats to herself "release, stretch 2, 3,4 and stretch 2,3,4" as she reaches towards the ceiling. She is a sporty spice wannabe and we should probably take her out. She's making us look bad.
Also, did you realize that almost literally everyone at the bowling alley smokes? I am an ex-smoker so it is bizarre that this bothers me, but really everyone does. Even the 4 1/2 year old little boy sitting next to me asked me for a light!
And, I am sure you were holding your breath waiting for this, YES there was a mullett spotting! These creatures will never go away, and I say good for them. They have found a haircut that they are comfortable with. I wonder if they know how to spell it?
1. Ballerina Bowler. This woman literally held her ball above her head as if it was an offering to God. Now, I may be discussing her purely out of jealousy. I know damn well if I tried that I would biff myself in the coconut....especially during the third game after approximatey 14 beers.
2. Pretty in Pink Bowler. This beyotch is a size -3 and wears cute little clothes including a little pink sweater that would fit my 4 year old niece. Not an ounce of fat on her. I hate her for this fact and this fact alone. Now I am not by any means a large person (go between size 4 and 6), but this A-hole makes me look morbidly obese. The only bright spot is that she bowls for shit. I could kick her ass in a roll off! Bring it on Barbie! I got a can of wup (spelled correctly??) ass with your name all over it.
3. Aerobic bowler. This health conscious bowler likes to get more of a work-out whilst hurling the ball down the alley. She repeats to herself "release, stretch 2, 3,4 and stretch 2,3,4" as she reaches towards the ceiling. She is a sporty spice wannabe and we should probably take her out. She's making us look bad.
Also, did you realize that almost literally everyone at the bowling alley smokes? I am an ex-smoker so it is bizarre that this bothers me, but really everyone does. Even the 4 1/2 year old little boy sitting next to me asked me for a light!
And, I am sure you were holding your breath waiting for this, YES there was a mullett spotting! These creatures will never go away, and I say good for them. They have found a haircut that they are comfortable with. I wonder if they know how to spell it?
posted by Melanie was here @ 9:08 AM
Ok, so you have just summed up everything that has ever happened to me while watching you bowl.