My Therapist Claims There's Hope

For those three readers left.....

2009-01-29T14:42:00.005-05:00

Can you believe my darlings will be one year old next Wednesday? In less than a week? In like 6 days?! Holy crap. Seems impossible, yet it is true. They are so much fun, and get more fun every day as they learn new things. They still aren't walking, but they've mastered crawling. We're still on stage 2 foods, but working towards stage 3 and table foods. Yes, things are a bit delayed and we just keep reminding ourselves that they were preemies and there are two of them so things may be a bit delayed. They are still tiny, especially when I compare them to single babies of my family and friends, but they make up for it with personality and charm. Is it obvious that I adore them? This post wouldn't be complete without some new shots of the girlies, so here you go! I'll let you know when we've met some more milestones, like them saying Mama and knowing that they are talking to me!

Merry Christmas to all!

2008-12-24T10:11:00.000-05:00

Black and Gold baby....I mean babies!

2008-09-17T09:11:00.003-04:00

The girls enjoyed their first Steelers victory over the Browns.

GO STEELERS!

7 months already?!?!

2008-09-04T09:54:00.003-04:00

It is absolutely amazing to me that my little girls are 7 months old today. It seems like just last week I found out I was pregnant. It is truly amazing how quickly time goes by. I can't imagine my life without them. They have made me complete and fullfilled all of my dreams and I thank God, and Dave, everyday that I am finally a Mommy! Happy 7 months, Olyvia and Grayce :-) Mommy loves and adores you, now and forever!

New photos of Olyvia and Grayce

2008-07-16T09:40:00.005-04:00

We had a great 4th of July. The girls were wonderful and had a nice time at Aunt Steph and Uncle Joe's house :-)

This past Sunday we took the girls to their first Cleveland Indian's game. They were so very good and seemed to enjoy checking things out and sleeping on us! :-) Dave's eldest daughter, Jen, even got to lead the crowd in Take Me Out to the Ballgame during the 7th inning stretch!

A little secret

2008-06-20T09:11:00.002-04:00

I'm going to let you in on a secret. I've finally figured this out. I know why reformed smokers are so much worse about smoking than anyone else. It is because we are so fucking bitter about not smoking.

Happy Anniversary!

2008-05-27T15:12:00.002-04:00

Thirteen years ago today, I married the man of my dreams! We've had our ups and downs and through it all managed to love each other and laugh quite a lot. Life is an adventure, and I'm happy to be on that adventure with you, Pokey! Especially when you are this dead sexy.

Even Olyvia and Grayce know the truth.....

2008-05-17T11:24:00.002-04:00

What's your excuse?

2008-04-30T19:14:00.001-04:00

Reasons why I haven't been posting. pretty good reasons, I think :-)

Told you guys I was an underwear model!

2008-03-17T10:46:00.004-04:00

Someday my kids will think I'm the biggest dork in the world, and they will use this picture to prove it. My niece received underpants for her 7th birthday, and my sister and I modeled them. Clearly I'm a rock star with my Zep t-shirt and cammo pants.

I'm happy to report that the girls are 6 weeks old today and I can wear a lot of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I go to the doc this Friday for my check-up so we'll see how much more baby weight I have to lose, since the bastard lied and didn't perform my liposuction during the C-section.

Things no one will tell you

2008-03-02T20:46:00.007-05:00

A few things that no one tells you when you are going to have a baby, or in my case, babies.

1. The gas pain after a C-section makes you want to die, especially if you try to laugh. Oh my God. You will want to die.
2. If you have a baby in the NICU and one to take home with you, don't get used to anything. Also you will have a false sense of "we know what we are doing" that will quickly be destroyed once the second one comes home.
3. You will burst into tears at the drop of a hat. Seriously. Especially when you are alone with the two babies and they won't stop crying and you can't figure out what is wrong with them because THEY REFUSE TO TELL YOU. Then they high five each other when you aren't looking.
4. It is a for sure thing that once you quiet one down, the other will start screaming. Generally because she's spit out her binky. If they can't live without it, WHY DO THEY SPIT IT OUT?!
5. While babies sleep a lot, they do not sleep a lot all at one time, and most definitely they do not sleep a lot at night.
6. Even 4 hours after they are done eating it is possible to get covered in spit up. You wouldn't think so, but it can happen. Twice in one day even.
7. I've never had one baby, so nothing to compare it to, but with two babies it is nearly impossible to do much of anything throughout the day. It took me 10 hours to wash about 10 bottles today. Seriously. They are napping right now while I shovel some food in my face which is why I can type this. Also, I'm hiding in the closet so they can't sense that I'm doing something other than for the collective (that would be them and they are trying to assimilate me and trust me, resistance is futile).
8. Showering every day is never gonna happen, and sleep is for wusses.
9. Sometimes when Dave is at work I feel completely alone and lonely and completely overwhelmed and like I can't do anything right, and thank God I have wonderful family to count on to get me through those tough times.
10. They will fake that they are sleeping soundly and then as soon as you lie down on the couch, they will scream as if the someone has pinched them.

But seriously, I love them so much and am SO thrilled that the are both here and both very healthy, with a healthy case of sewer ass. I love being a mommy and look forward to the time when I have enough sleep to look back and reflect on all of this. They will be a month old tomorrow and I am amazed at how quickly it has gone by. We should probably start looking at colleges next week so that we are ahead of the game.

They're here.........

2008-02-14T20:33:00.005-05:00

On Monday, February 4, 2008, Olyvia Star and Grayce Patricia entered the world at 12:07 p.m. and 12:1o p.m.

Olyvia weighed in at 4lb 7 oz and was 18" long.

Grayce weighed in at a whopping 3 lb 4 oz and 15.5" long.

We are all doing very well. Olyvia and I were discharged this past Friday. Unfortunately Grayce is still in the NICU as she needs to gain some weight before they'll let her come home. We hope that she is able to join us this weekend or early next week. It kills us every time we have to leave her at the hospital, but daily visits help a lot, and the nursing staff at the hospital is phenomenal!

I am LOVING being a mommy, and Dave is a fantastic daddy! We are enjoying the girls so much. Of course we know our workload will double next week when Grayce is finally home, and we look forward to it!

Our friends and family have been so supportive and loving, and we truly appreciate them!

Here are some pictures of the little cuties.

Olyvia and Grayce

Mel at 8 months

2008-01-23T17:41:00.000-05:00

Here I am this past Friday at 33 weeks pregnant. Still feeling great. Bed rest is going well. The babies continue to do well, and I'm really hoping to make it to 35 or 36 weeks!

bed sores? who cares!

2008-01-18T14:26:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone!
Bed rest is working, thank God! We had another doctor's appointment today and the girls look great. He sent me home to continue bed rest and return on Tuesday for another round of testing. I am at 33 weeks this week and would really like to make it to 35. However, at this point I am thankful for every single additional day they are in me getting stronger.
Thank you to all for your prayers and well wishes, they certainly are appreciated!

By the way, all the paperwork associated with a medical leave? Yeah, they suck my ass. Oh well, we're wading through that as well. Who knows if I'll have a paycheck next week, but that really is on the low end of the priority list.

Hugs!
Mel

Slight change in plans

2008-01-13T22:37:00.000-05:00

Well, we've had a slight change in plans. We thought we'd have two little girls in about 3-4 weeks. Instead, it looks like we'll be having two little girls this coming week. We went to the doctor on Friday and after an ultrasound, non-stress test and some other testing, he advised us to plan to deliver next week. Um, WHAT? Needless to say, we were both pretty surprised. We had always known that they might come a bit early, but since all has been going so well we sort of figured we'd go full term, which would be 36-37 weeks.

Baby A weighed in at 3 lbs 8 oz and Baby B weighed in at 2 lbs 6 oz by ultrasound. The concern is that Baby B isn't growing as much as her sister. My doctor put me on bedrest and we go back on Tuesday for another round of testing. He told me to bring my bag in case he decides to take them Tuesday. It will be a C-section since they are so tiny and to reduce any stress on them. I don't care either way as long as they are healthy.

Dave and I have been on an emotional roller coaster. We are just so worried about our girls and want them to be healthy. I don't know the last time I've cried so often. We have loads of prayers going up for us, so I feel better knowing that.

We had our hospital tour today and Dave pushed me in a wheel chair. That was quite the experience! It was reasurring to see where the babies will be cared for, and a nurse in the NICU was kind enough to give us a private tour of that area and answer all of our questions.

So, I'm going to continue lying about and we will keep you posted after the doctor's appointment on Tuesday.

Howz my ho'z?

2008-01-04T12:36:00.000-05:00

Yo Yo Yo bizatches, what up?

Not too much here, just chillin' like a villian with cookies and milk, and french fries, and ice cream, and anything else I can shove in my piehole! You'd think I was eating for three. Oh wait, I am! All is well on the baby front. We're in the final countdown to their arrival - probably in about 5 weeks give or take. I have had no problems at all. Some major heartburn and aching back, but I would not consider that a problem. Also, I nap a lot now. That I love! Nothing like a good nap. I suppose it is that Bitch, mother nature, preparing me for when the babies arrive and I don't so much sleep through the night, as cat nap!

We hosted a small gathering on New Year's Eve - my stepdaughter should have some pics of that, but I haven't seen them yet. I don't think I'm in too many of them anyway. Apparently now that I'm the sober one, I'm not as entertaining or fun to photograph! It was SO nice waking up New Year's Day and NOT being hungover! That hasn't happened in like 100 years and I must say, totally diggin' it.

Also digging that we have the babies' furniture. Dave has been working on putting it all together. So far he's finished a crib, dresser and changing table. Still has one crib and dresser to put together. As soon as the nursery is done, I'll post some pictures!

Hope you are all having a kick ass 2008, and if not it is early enough that hopefully you can turn that around!

Hugs to all!

P.S. I've been out of the loop a bit - is Nick still a giant slut????

Happy stuff!

2007-12-24T14:27:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all get whatever it is your heart desires. I know I already have! Also, I never did buy any mistletoe this year. Darn it. No wonder I hardly ever get kissed! That and it's hard to get to my face cuz of my big belly :-) Man, it rocks being pregnant. I am loving it!!! Hard to believe it will all be over in 6 weeks and we'll be holding our twincesses in our arms. I cannot wait to meet them!

So, as I said, Merry Christmas and Happy Festivus.

Hugs to all!
M and the girls

Idiots in the work place

2007-12-14T13:15:00.000-05:00

Why is a part of town considered good or bad based SOLEY on the color of its residents? Oh my God, I am so sick of racist people. This lady I work with JUST said to me, "It used to be a good part of town, but now it's bad because "you know who" took over."
Unbelievable. Then she made a reference to them "scattering like cockroaches when the police showed up." (she was in a car accident and it was HER fault, but she's pissed because she rear ended two black people).
It makes me so incredibly sad that people are still judged on the color of their skin and nothing else. There are good and bad people in all races. How can a person possibly be so close minded, and so stupid?!?!
I hope my niece never has to endure this bullshit, though sadly I'm sure she will.
Stupid people suck.

Tent soon?

2007-11-12T09:48:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture of me from this past Saturday. I'm at 23 1/2 weeks pregnant and things couldn't be better!

I am loving every single second of this, thoughI could do with a little less heartburn. Small price to pay though, and I will happily keep munching my Tums!

Hugs to all.

Think Pink!

2007-09-25T10:26:00.000-04:00

First of all, shout out to K-dawg who has been gently nagging me to update this thing for several months! Yo!

Sorry I've been MIA - mostly I've been sleeping! Just ask Dave, and everyone else.

We found out yesterday that our twins are girls! I like Hannah and Gracie for names, but we haven't decided anything for sure yet. Here are a couple of pics.

I go back in two weeks for another ultrasound....apparently baby LT (left) is eating more than her sis baby RT (right) and they want to keep a close on them. Already sibling rivalry and they aren't even out of the womb yet!

Nothing else new really. Going to Canada this weekend for our annual Niagara-on-the-Lake wine tasting tour. I'll be tasting loads of bottled water and of course I'll be the D.D. No complaints from me! I'd much rather be growing babies than nursing a hangover. Also I LOVE shopping in NOTL. It is so quaint. Can't wait for all of the good food, a bit of gambling and most importantly spending time with good friends!

Double your pleasure

2007-07-20T15:59:00.000-04:00

So, remember all those posts of mine wherein I discussed my angst at being unable to get pregnant? Guess what. Those days are over!!! It has finally happened. Dave and I are having babies. That's right, I said babies. We found out that I'm pregnant with identical twins.

Need a second? I did.

Yeah, holy poopie diapers is right!

Of course we couldn't be happier. Dave is taking really good care of me, mostly by letting me go to sleep at unGodly early hours like 7 p.m. It is still pretty early, not due until February, so lots of prayers needed for healthy babies. Also, it wouldn't hurt to win the lottery. Not being greedy, just sayin'.

AND we totally live close to Twinsburg, OH where like the biggest Twins Day celebration takes place every year. We'll be there!

I have an ultrasound next week and may even post the picture if it is good quality.

Outer Banks, here I come!

2007-06-28T13:29:00.001-04:00

Sure, it's lame but at least it is a post. I'm leaving tonight for vacation, the Outer Banks, and hopefully will have something if interest to post when I return. Until then, enjoy this list and feel free to steal it!

100 Things You May Not Have Known About Me...

1. What is the last alcoholic beverage you drank?
A sip of Brian's wine on Saturday. The last for awhile! ;-)

2. Do you follow college football?
Only Ohio State

3. Who took this survey before you?
Sue

4. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
Lyssa

5. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
No clue, but I'll be in one next week in North Carolina, baby!

6. Are you happy?
Yes :)

7. Where was the last place you went shopping?
I guess Kohl's last week for vacation clothes. Did I mention I'm leaving for the Outer Banks?!?!

8. How do you feel about your hair?
I like it, when it behaves.

9. Where do you live?
Stow

10. Last thing you ate?
Penne pasta w/some lemon white sauce.

11. Want to kick anyone's butt?
Oh yeah, when don't I?

12. Last time you were kissed?
I don't know, I've been single this week between Dave golfing and going to Indian's games. :-(

13. Do you have any expensive jewelry?
My wedding rings and pearls that I rec'd on my wedding day.

14. AIM or MSN?
Neither

15. What classes are you taking?
None

16. How many hours on average do you work a week?
43

17. Do you have a crush?
Just on Dave Matthews.

18. Do you watch the Olympics?
Sometimes.

19. Last restaurant you went to?
I ate at Geauga Lake last Saturday, does that count?

20. Who was the last person to call you?
A dumb lady from Chicago

21. Do you have a favorite number?
Nope.

22. Where do you spend most of your money?
Used to be on wine, but not any more!!! LOL!

23. Where does most of your family live?
Ohio

24. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
3 seesters and one brotha

25. Ever been called a hoe/slut?
Only by friends.

26. Ever been called a bitch?
Oh yeah!

27. Favorite kind of beer?
Miller Lite

28. Have you ever experienced true love?
I have, of course.

29. Did you ever collect Beanie Babies?
No, my Mom did though.

30. Collect anything?
Raggedy Ann and Andy, and Steelers stuff

31. Myspace or Facebook?
Neither

32. Do you have T-mobile?
Sprint for now. I want an iPhone. Those things look so cool.

33. What is/was your favorite subject?
Math and Earth Science.

34. Do you sometimes wish you were someone else?
Yep, but only sometimes. Like when I have cramps or a headache.

35. Fall for the good or bad guy/girl?
Usually the good guy.

36. Last time you saw your parents?
Mom on Saturday, Dad in April?

37. Do you have any talents?
Good at multi-tasking. Does that count? I think I'm a talented cook too.

38. Ever been in a wedding?
Yep, my seesters and a girl friend who divorced like 4 months later - what a waste that was!

39. Do you have any godchildren?
One but I've sort of lost contact w/him and his mom.

40. Last movie you watched?
No clue

41. Are you missing anyone at the moment?
No, not really.

42. Did you take a nap today?
No.

43. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
9 I think.

44. Ever been on a cruise?
Hell no.

45. Favorite vacation spot?
France. Man, that was awesome.

46. Favorite genre of music?
Classic rock, and Dave Matthews Band :-) Yes, they are genre unto themselves. Bite me Brian.

47. Do you have any wealthy friends?
I'm not saying.

48. Ever met anyone famous before?
No, but I saw Anderson Varejao at work the other day. No lie.

49. Favorite actor/actress?
Toby McGuire/Sandra Bullock

50. Do you support the troops?
Absolutely!

51. Could you handle being in the military?
Maybe if they weren't douche bags during basic training.

52. Are you hungry or thirsty?
Nope

53. Favorite fast food restaurant?
McDonalds

54. Favorite Nightclub?
Don't have one.

55. Do you own a camera phone?
Yes

56. Ever had to take a sobriety test?
No.

57. Can you speak any other languages?
German and Spanish, and some sign language (like the sign for eff off!)

58. Last time you went to the gym or worked out?
HA HA. This one made me actually laugh out loud.

59. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
20 maybe? I just threw a pair out on Monday though.

60. Do you have a photo hosting site that you use?
No.

61. Last place you were at?
Shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition. This must have been written by an Ohioan. I was AT home then came to work.

62. What is/was your school mascot?
Cardinal

63. Ever been to Las Vegas?
Yes, nice place to visit but I wouldn't want to go back.

64. Ever been to Canada?
Of course, eh.

65. What kind of dog do you have?
Shadow - border collie/lab mix. Sophie - chocolate lab/a-hole mix

66. Do you have any regrets?
Some, but I try not to think about them too much.

67. How many states have you been to?
Oh jeez, really? Alright, 11 and I counted Ohio (where I live), Texas (where I was conceived, but I think we visited when I was a baby so it really does count, I just like throwing out where I was conceived) and North Carolina though I won't be there until Saturday cuz I'M GOING ON VACATION.

68. Have you ever been gambling?
Yes, and I always lose except for my first time playing craps.

69. How old are your parents?
None of yo business.

70. Do you have your wisdom teeth?
No, and got good drugs when they pulled them.

71. Favorite place to be?
Home with family and friends.

72. Favorite sit down restaurant?
Bravo, and On Tap by our house.

73. Ever been to Disney Land/World?
Yep, a couple of times.

74. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
Dude, I don't know. I guess Mickey.

75. Last thing you cooked?
Big steak dinner on Friday for Eddie's birthday.

76. How is the weather today?
Dunno, haven't been out since this a.m.

77. Do you e-mail?
Do I breath? Uh, yeah.

78. Last letter/piece of mail you received besides junk or a bill?
Bills

80. Favorite store?
Target

81. Are you in love with someone right now?
Yep

82. Last voicemail you received.
From Hannah last night.

83. Do you drunk dial?
Nope, learned that lesson the hard way.

84. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
pounded it on my dashboard a few weeks ago in a hormonal rage. It's ok, and I'm better now.

85. What is the best city in the state that you live in?
Cleveland

86. Favorite band?
Hmmmm, let's see......DAVE MATTHEWS BAND

87. Last time you were sick?
I don't know, it's been a long time.

88. Are you lactose intolerant or do you have IBS?
Nope.

89. Last concert you went to?
Bob Seger

90. Ready for the weekend?
Yep, cuz I'll be on vacation.

91. What'd you do last night?
Housework, finished packing and went to bed early.

92. One thing you thought you'd never do?
Go to France

93. First MAJOR Crushes name?
Randy at COSI when I was on a girl scout trip. guess i always liked the older men - he was a worker there.

94. Last phone call you didn't take?
Hannah last night.

95. What is the one thing you waste money on the most?
Food

96. One thing you miss most from High School?
Summer Vacation

97. What do you want most for Christmas?
a fat belly

98. Something that other people's kids do that annoy you most?
Rude and mannerless

99. Ever been skinny dippin'?
Yep

100. Have you ever seen or been through a tornado?
No, but man that would be cool.

They bring the wine right to your house!

2007-05-21T14:43:00.000-04:00

We hosted a wine tasting party a few weeks ago through The Traveling Vineyard. It was pretty cool! Here are some pics of the spread I laid out. It was so much fun getting ready for this party and serving wine foods. I made a baked brie that was fantastic. I think Sue and I ate 97% of it! Dave - get those plates off your face!

I like salad

2007-05-15T19:25:00.000-04:00

A few things I've been thinking about.

The seatbelt law. I understand the premise, but isn't it sort of presumptuous of the government to insist that I protect myself whilst driving? What's next? No running with scissors? No chewing on pencils? Maybe a special secret police to monitor people at work who climb on their chairs to reach upper shelves? Ohio is putting a huge emphasis on seatbelts lately. I wear mine every single time I'm in a vehicle without fail. Hell, I won't drive until my passengers buckle up. I don't like being told by the government that I must wear it or I will get pulled over and ticketed. That is bullshit. People do way more dangerous stuff (bungie jumping?) that isn't illegal.

The whole not smoking thing SUCKS. I'm terrible at it. I know I have to quit, I absolutely must. It is like asking someone not to breathe. OK, that's a bit dramatic, but those of you out there who smoke and have tried to quit, or even those reformed smokers, totally get where I'm coming from. Perhaps the government should do something about this! Why is it legal for me to purchase cigarettes when it knows all of the health risks but it is illegal for me to ride in my hooptie without a seatbelt? Bullshit. Anyhow, if you find yourself sending up prayers to the big guy, throw one in for me because I'm going to need the help. Here's the kicker. I go ALL day at work, over 8 hours a day, without smoking. Add to that the 8 hours I sleep at night without smoking. Why are those precious few other hours so hard? Anyway, I quit smoking. Again. Forever! One day at a time, eh?

Work. Yeah, still sucks worse than plucking nose hairs.

Weight? Yeah, still not going down, unlike that slut Nick.

Hair? Still red but got it cut short. Whatever, you know you were curious.

We mulched our flower beds and planted flowers. The yard looks fantastic. I even mowed the lawn two weekends ago! I'm now set for like a decade with lawn mowing. I did get a great farmer's tan though.

We go on vacation next month to the Outer Banks - Corolla Beach, NC. I cannot freakin' wait. There will be a total of 14 of us. I'm driving down with two of my girlfriends. The hubby, et al are flying down. We already have a Drunk Olympics Planning Committee. I have graciously agreed to be the Beer Wench. Hey, I've got experience. Now I just need an outfit or uniform to wear! Perhaps a different one daily? I'm thinking said uniform will include shorts and a t-shirt.

Well, that's what is going on here. I would apologize for my absence, but I am sure you all understand. It happens. It doesn't mean I don't love you anymore. I do.

WTF Mate

2007-04-10T09:40:00.000-04:00

I haven't slept for days. Tossing and turning and listening to Sophie (our giant sized dog) snoring her friggin' head off. I close my eyes and try to sleep and everything just keeps running through my head. I still have to finish our taxes (started them last night). That has really been weighing on me, and it's my own fault. Thought about doing them in January and then completely forgot about them until last week. AND our new stupid city that we live in requires us to file with them as well. Never had to do that before. Jerks.

I know I've bitched about my job before, but it has really been bothering me. I'm very seriously considering resigning from the work leader position and going back to the missionary position, I mean just straight up secretary again. It isn't that I can't handle the job, I just don't want to anymore. The doctor I work for is getting really busy, which is great, but it is extremely stressful trying to run his practice, and be in charge of all of the other secretaries. I'm sure they would take back the raise I got when I took on the position, but money isn't everything.

You know, baby stuff. We are going to start trying again soon and that is very stressful, though a good stress. No details yet, keeping that one to myself. You'll have to wait for the book to come out.

Then just a myriad of other little things like the laundry, or making the time to pay the bills, or cleaning up the house before the cleaning lady comes. I know, stupid stuff.

Couple good things. Lo Lo gave me some Proactive to try and I love it! It is really clearing up my face and so that is making me feel better! Whenever I break out I just want to run and hide. Just look so ugly, well you know, worse than normal!

Our pool table was delivered last Friday. It looks lovely. Still have a ton of work to do in the basement, but our Irish Pub is finally taking shape!

Hope all is well with ya'll and that you all had a nice Easter.....we had about 10 feet of snow, but it was great to spend the day with our families.

I've missed you!

Wearing O The Green

2007-03-19T13:46:00.000-04:00

We had a blast Saturday for St. Patrick's Day. Started at 8 a.m. and I have no idea what time we finally fell into our beds. I know it was dark outside, that I had walked about 130 miles over the course of the day and drank almost as many beers.....not one green beer though. Here we are pimped out in our finery. You can check Jen's blog for more pics! Great time.

Girl talk

2007-03-13T19:48:00.000-04:00

I sent this to all of my girlfriends tonight. My only regret is that my Mom doesn't have email, I'll have to print it out for her. Anyway, thought I would share with all of you, too.

I read this in Glamour tonight (laugh all you want) and I really liked it.

11 Things Every Woman Deserves in Life

1. A friend who takes your side and has the guts to tell you when you're wrong.
2. One item of clothing that instantly makes you feel twice as beautiful and half as nervous.
3. The occasional good cry, for no particular reason.
4. A man who just cannot get enough of your body.
5. At least as much pay as the guy at the next desk who does the same job.
6. A same-size friend with an incredible closet.
7. A really hot, really fast red car. Failing that, really hot red shoes you can run in.
8. The expensive toilet paper.
9. To sometimes lie back and take, take, take in bed.
10. A grandparent equivalent: wise, huggable, all ears.
11. A life in which you play the starring role.

Minnesota Fats, baby!!

2007-03-11T10:51:00.000-04:00

We did it! We purchased a pool table. We should have it in about 2-4 weeks. We picked a traditional style with wicked cool claw feet, deep cherry finish, fringe on the pockets and khaki color felt. The goal is to give the basement an Irish Pub feel. Next we need to paint and then pick out some furniture. It will be nice when it's done as hopefully people will hang out down there during parties instead of packing into our tiny kitchen (wink wink).

Here is a pic of what it will look like...

So they sales guy was trying to talk us into going with a more expensive felt that won't pill. Only he kept saying "pillage." So I said, "so it won't pillage, will it still plunder?" He said he didn't realize it was comedy night. Whatever, you guys know it was funny.

SPF40

2007-02-27T20:08:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentleman, I give you my stepdaughter's boyfriend. Yikes. Just kidding, he's a great guy and this is clearly a very flattering picture.

Hope you are enjoying Florida, Jock. Sure looks like you are!

My hump

2007-02-21T16:29:00.000-05:00

It's Wednesday which means it is almost the weekend. Anyone have any fun plans?
We are going to a surprise 40th birthday party on Friday at the Polish hall (ah, my peeps) and I'm looking forward to some good food.
In other news, did you know that Lo Lo broke her ass? She did. It's on her blog. Go check it out. Ill wait.......
Last night I went to dinner at Bar Louis with Dave, Sue and Brian. Brian bet me $5 to drink a bottle of hot sauce. I said I'd do it for $20. He declined. I then bet him to drink the bottle for $5. He wasn't expecting that. He drank the bottle and I paid him. I suspect his ass wants to kill him today!
Yeah, this post sucks. So does Nick, that's why he's a slut.

Also, I really want this print for our living room. I think it rocks.

Mel OUT

Retiring my mop

2007-02-18T21:48:00.000-05:00

I hired a cleaning lady today. I'm thrilled! Now if I could just hire a chef and personal shopper I'd be golden.

psycho much?

2007-02-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

Thursday is so Must See TV again. The Office, Scrubs and Grey's Anatomy were freakin' awesome last night. Needless to say, I'm tired of ending every episode of Grey's with me in tears. Enough already.

So, you know how I'm kind of a freak and afraid of everything? No? Ok, well I am. I thought maybe if I explained some of the fears/anxieties you may understand better.

1. Elevators
The anxiety about elevators is two-fold. Firstly, it is a very small space and I'm usually plastered up against the back wall because too many people have shoved in. So I got the claustraphobia thing going. Secondly, the elevator is basically held up by a cable. A cable, people, that could snap and send us plummeting to our death. Seriously. It has happened. Obviously not to me personally, but it has happened in the history of the world.
Unfortunately I have bad knees and feet which sucks the hairy brown eye and so sometimes at the end of the day I need a ride on the lift to get up to my car in the parking garage. I wish I could put into words the anxiety I feel. It is sort of a feeling that I'm going to die, seriously that is how I feel. There is a hotel here at work and that elevator is even worse. It moves fast and you can feel it and it dumps you out in this huge crowded lobby which heightens my anxiety. Ugh. It is awful.
2. Flying
Holy hell, this is probably the worst. I love to travel, see places, vacation but I hate flying so much that I cannot get excited about making vacation plans. And this is getting worse as I get older and as I see more horrible things happening in the world. When Dave, or anyone, starts talking about flying off to Italy I immediately get sweaty and dizzy and my heart starts racing and I have to walk away or make them stop talking about it. Told you I was a freak. So, up until this point I have been able to overcome this fear and fly. I hope I can continue to do that as I really do want to see loads more places.

Really this could go on forever, but we'll start with those two things. I won't bring up right now how I only feel safe at work within my department, mostly at my desk. I hate walking the skyways as the pillars that they are on could get hit by a car and I'd go smashing to the ground. Also they have access panels in the floor that I avoid like the plague because one could open as I walk over it and send me smashing to the ground. I hate the cafeteria because it is so crowded and chaotic and just doesn't feel safe to me. I rarely if ever go there alone and many times you can here me utter to my friends to "get me out of here."

Maybe some images to help explain how I see the world compared to how you see the world.

Normal person:

Here is how everything feels to me...chaotic and dangerous.

Stuff

2007-02-09T14:28:00.000-05:00

My Mom thinks Howard K. Stern was involved with Anna Nicole Smith's death, like he caused it. And she always says the K. We'll see how that plays out.

In other news, Nick is still a man slut and Lo Lo apparently is obsessed with that damned ground hog.

I can see nearly perfectly. Lasik surgery kicks major ass. The recovery was very fast and results immediate. Like immediately after the finished it felt like my eyes were literally on fire. I couldn't open them, they wouldn't stop tearing and I couldn't see. Dave led me around as we had to go to the pharmacy and then get me 1/2 sandwich to take the percocet or whatever they gave me. I was pretty miserable. Got home and took a 4 hour nap. Wow, what a difference when I woke up. Things were still a bit cloudy, but I really could see. And the pain was gone. I would highly recommend it.

I get my nephew Andrew tonight as I'm watching him tomorrow while my sister goes out and works the streets, so I'm pretty excited! Meeting her at the Cheesecake Factory after work, along w/my other sis and my hubby and all their mens and childrens. Good times.

Oh, and I'm quitting smoking......again. So, if I'm more of a bitch than normal you've been warned. I believe I've picked this coming Monday for the quit day. I absolutely MUST make this happen.

Lastly, I didn't want to switch to stupid google blogger but it forced me. That's bullshit.

i got the AmEx blues

2007-02-02T14:56:00.000-05:00

So, I was going through my mail last night and came across an American Express Blue envelope. I was so close to just throwing it away as I thought it was junkmail. Instead I decided to open it and see what it was. It was my credit card statement stating that I owed $45 for purchased made at LL Bean on 12/8/06.

Here's the problem: I don't have an American Express Blue card. I never have. Ever.

I call the phone number on the back of the statement for customer service. I get a very nice woman. She immediately asks for my account number. I respond with "that's the problem, I don't have an account but I just received this statement saying that I do."

AmEx: Well what is the number on the statement?
Mel: (I read the numbers to her).
AmEx: I do show that you have an account and it has been opened since 2003.
Mel: No, I don't have an account and I never have.
AmEx: O.K.
Mel: I see here that it says I shopped at LL Bean.
AmEx: Yes, I do see that activity.
Mel: I've never shopped at LL Bean in my life.
AmEx: OK, can you hold for a minute?
Mel: Absolutely.

cue cheesy hold music

While I was on hold I convinced myself that this was some sort of scam to steal my identity and that this broad would get back on and require my social security number, date of birth, etc. I made up my mind then and there that this bitch was not getting any personal information out of me.

5 minutes later she gets back on the phone

AmEx: Ok, we are going to open a fraud investigation.
Mel: Ok, that's great.
AmEx: Can you hold for a minute or two?
Mel: Sure.

I then hold for at least 10 minutes

AmEx: Ok, we've opened the fraud investigation.
Mel: Ok, so how will I be notified when this is resolved?
AmEx: By mail.
Mel: Ok, well you have the incorrect address for me.
AmEx: I'm sorry ma'am, we cannot change your address without your card in hand.
Mel: But I don't have a card.
AmEx: And I can't change your address without your card in hand.
Mel: So how do you suppose you'll notify me?
AmEx: By mail.
Mel: Then don't you think it would be wise to somewhere in your system note my correct address so I don't just luck out and get this like I did this time.
AmEx: What is your address?
Mel: (I tell her)
AmEx: That's the address we have.
Mel: OK, well it's not what you put on the envelope, but whatever.
AmEx: So, would you like me to close this account?
Mel: Uh, yeah, considering it is a fradulent account I think that would be a good idea.

I am not making this shit up. And no, I didn't add extra "OK's" to look cool, that's really how I talk. Wow. My teachers would be so proud.

TGIF

2007-01-19T16:11:00.000-05:00

Thank God it's Friday. Truer words were never spoken.

Only 4 more days of wearing spectacles.

In January 27th we are going to Columbus for a hockey game and apparently our seats are kick ass. Like, catch a puck between your eyes kick ass.

Tonight is my nephew Jacob's 1st birthday party (was supposed to be two weeks ago, but the chicken pox are kicking my family's ass). I honestly cannot believe he has been part of our lives for an entire year already. Happy birthday, Jacoby!

Last night I made buffalo chicken dip for the aforementioned party. Holy shit, best dip. Ever. When you make it and love it, feel free to name your first born after me. Ah, hell....just give me your first born.

Note to cousin Chris - YOU WOULDN'T HAVE COME.
(don't worry people, he'll know)

Head on over to the Stork's website if you want to see one of the funniest videos in the entire world of our friend Chrissy trying to chop wood. I'm pretty sure I've never laughed so hard.

Have a great weekend everyone. Smell you later.

And here is proof that I can, in fact, party like a rock star.

And now I'll sing to you

2007-01-16T21:41:00.000-05:00

Holy shit, internet. I am posting a cubic butt load lately.

Possibly the best lyrics from a song ever:

Well, I woke up this morning, I got myself a beer
Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
The future's uncertain, and the end is always near

The Doors, Roadhouse Blues

Best lyrics to send to my good friend going through a bad time. Don't know if she even reads this anymore, but let me tell you - Janis is feeling you.

Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on!
Didn't i make you feel like you were the only man ¡º yeah!
An' didn't i give you nearly everything that a woman possibly can ?
Honey, you know i did!
And each time i tell myself that i, well i think i've had enough,
But i'm gonna show you, baby, that a woman can be tough.
I want you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, oh, have a!
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it if it makes you feel good,
Oh, yes indeed.
You're out on the streets looking good,
And baby deep down in your heart i guess you know that it ain't right,
Never, never, never, never, never, never hear me when i cry at night,
Babe, and i cry all the time!
But each time i tell myself that i, well i can't stand the pain,
But when you hold me in your arms, i'll sing it once again.
I'll say come on, come on, come on, come on and take it!
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby.
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart now, darling, yeah,
Oh, oh, have a!
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby,
You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good.
I need you to come on, come on, come on, come on and take it,
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby!
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart, now darling, yeah, c'mon now.
Oh, oh, have a
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby.
You know you got it whoahhhhh!!
Take it!
Take it! take another little piece of my heart now, baby,
Oh, oh, break it!
Break another little bit of my heart, now darling, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Oh, oh, have a
Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, hey,
You know you got it, child, if it makes you feel good.

Reasons why today can go phuck itself

2007-01-16T14:06:00.000-05:00

1. Spent 2 hours stuck in traffic trying to get to work.
2. Finally got to work and everyone here is pissing me off. Ok, well not everyone but damn near close.
3. My eyes are still friggin' dilated from yesterday. The dilation and the stress of the light on my eyes is making me REALLY tired.
4. I didn't sleep well last night.
5. I went to the crapeteria to get lunch and had $20 in my pocket. Got to the cash register to pay and that bitch was gone. Searched my 2 pockets like 74 times. My friend went and retraced our steps. No $20 spot. I'm sure it either fell out of my stupid pocket, or was partially hanging out and some douche bag took it. In either case, I was angry. Very angry. Punch a wall angry.
6. My button down shirt is a wee bit too tight and keeps gapping in the boob area. I hate that.
7. Having a horrible hair day. Not sure if I just didn't use enough mousse, or if I used too much conditioner, or if I didn't rinse out the conditioner well enough. In any case, it looks like poop and I may have to shave my head.
8. A friend of mine is going through some really difficult personal shit and I don't know how to help her. Actually don't think I can help her other than to just keep on lovin' her. Sucks though. I like to fix things.
9. You know all the weight I lost a few months ago? I say all the weight like I did something spectacular. I lost about 10 pounds. Well, those phuckers found me and brought a few of their friends. I so need to sign up for a liposuction package or something.
10. Because I said so.

Scully?

2007-01-15T10:41:00.000-05:00

This is what my eyes look like today. I had them dilated in preparation for my laser eye surgery next week. I cannot wait. The dilation lasts for 24 hours which sucks because I really can't see very well right now. Also, I look like a character out of the X-Files who has been attacked by the black ooze so that is pretty wicked cool. You may be thinking that it is too early on a Monday for a X-Files reference and you would be wrong. It is never too early.

I see you.....

2007-01-12T09:50:00.000-05:00

…..well, I’ll be able to see you without glasses or contacts after January 24th! I’m having Lasik eye surgery and I can’t tell you how excited I am. It is a really cool procedure and doesn’t even take more than a minute total to laser both of my eyes. I wonder if they use frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams on their frickin’ heads. I did of course ask the doctor if they immobilize my head as I’d hate to jerk away and laser off the top of my head. He didn’t seem to think that would be a problem.

And now, a list. Things I am not proud of, by Melaniewashere:

1. I ate ice cream for dinner last night. Chocolate Moosetracks. Holy crap is that good ice cream.
2. I ask Dave to get me any number of things in the morning. Items include, but are not limited to, black pants, lemonade, iced tea, coffee, a shirt. Apparently this bothers the shit out of him. I’d like to say I’ll stop, that I’ll become more self reliant, but I doubt it. I’ll try.
3. I roll my eyes and sigh heavily every single time the phone at work rings. Every time.
4. I walk through a waiting room of sick people and all I can focus on is the wretched stench of urine. Real nice, eh? I should feel badly since they are sick people, but I just wish they'd stop peeing on our chairs.
5. I use the cheap ass gas. I know it would be better on my car to use the high grade stuff, but I really don’t feel like getting a second job to pay for it.
6. I secretly want to bitch-slap several people. Several. Not sure why I’m not proud of that since the ones I want to bitch-slap totally deserve to be bitch-slapped (is bitch-slap supposed to be hyphenated?).
7. The fact that I have branded Nick a slut. I mean, he totally is a slut, but I’m not proud that I told everyone.
8. When I hear that so-and-so is pregnant sometimes I am jealous.
9. I chew the ever living shit out of my cuticles. Gross.
10. I swear way too much.

And some pics of the ladies and me, in case you forgot what we look like :-) And yes, I am wearing a belt on my head in one of the pictures. Shut up, you love it.

That's crazy

2006-12-27T10:07:00.000-05:00

Well, I've survived the first Christmas done separately with the parental units. All survived unscathed, other than my wine refrigerator. That got its ass kicked.

I have a cute neice story. Julia was SO excited about Christmas and Santa coming. She awoke Christmas morning at some point and had to go wee. She was so afraid that she'd interrupt Santa that she didn't want to get out of bed. So she had an accident. She then got out of bed at 5:30 a.m. to wake my sister to tell her that Santa came! and then in a whisper that she wet her bed. How could you be mad at the logic? I wouldn't want to interrupt Santa either. He could get pissed and take everything back.

All the kids seemed to have a great Christmas. Forced smiles when clothes were opened in the hopes that the next package was a toy. I know, I did the same thing.

It sure does suck that so much work goes into Christmas and then in a flurry it's over. And we didn't even have snow this year. Bummer.

Not a bummer is that I finally feel at home in our new house. I decorated for Christmas this year and was excited about it. Haven't felt like that in a long time. I'm pretty excited I had no mental breakdowns either! Yay for me....finally yay for me!

Here's a pic of (from left to right) me, sis Jen, and sis Sarah. It was early and we were not thrilled with having our pic taken.

Feliz Navidad

2006-12-20T14:11:00.000-05:00

Como estas, bitches! What up? Have I missed anything, or is Nick still a slut?

Been pretty busy getting ready for the holidays. I'm like 99% ready. Woo hoo.

This will be the first year that my family celebrates Christmas separately. We will have Christmas with my father on Friday night, and then Christmas with my Mom on actual Christmas day. I'm pretty bummed about it, but I'll be fine. Who would have thought that at my age I'd be dealing with my parents divorcing. Oh, if you didn't know that was going on, ya do now.

Saturday is Festivus at our house w/Dave and the kids. Totally sucks that our Granddaughter Maija won't be there, nor will Jen's man Adam Jock Itch. We'll celebrate w/them another time. We will be having the traditional Mel's Family meal which consists of big ass steaks on the grill, diced red potatoes w/seasonings etc. baked, and steamed green beans. We'll follow that up with a shit ton of Christmas Ale and white wine, as usual. It is definitely my fave holiday since we all get to be together. Flag Day is probably my second fave, and in my opinion, completely taken for granted.

I think the holiday stress is getting to me a little. I've totally broken out again! And I really don't care for the vain reasons one might think, I care because they freakin' hurt!

We went to see Bob Seger on Saturday. Dudes, for an old geezer he can still rock and roll! The show was awesome. Somebody spiked my drink and my friend Kerr's drink and it made us act all goofy, and share shart and shat stories that we normally wouldn't. Also, she tells me I yelled at her, but she doesn't remember and I don't remember so I think her boyfriend is making shit up to break us apart.

I remembered my password!

2006-11-28T09:08:00.000-05:00

I apologize for my absence. In my defense it was not intentional, I joined the circus and quite honestly I was pretty busy with that.

We had a wonderful holiday. The weather was so nice that we were able to play cornhole on the deck for quite a few hours. Yes, we are hillbillies. Yes, we like it. My Mom and sis Sarah are now cornhole addicts.

I was trying to convert the highchair into a swing, obviously by following the pictures on the back. I followed the directions and wouldn't you know that bitch of a baby footrest broke free and nailed me right in the forehead. I am fairly certain that Dave ruptured something trying not to laugh at me. I immediately told him it was fine to laugh, I'm sure it looked hilarious. My forehead is still sensitive to the touch.

We put both of our Christmas trees up on Sunday. The one in the family room is the playful, multicolor lights with the hodge podge of ornaments we've collected over the years. The tree in the living room is the more formal tree that is in the front of the house for all to see, with white lights and ONLY Elvis and Star Trek ornaments. We are the freakin' epitomy of coolness. The Fonz has nothing on us.

Woo hoo

2006-11-09T09:30:00.000-05:00

You guys are totally going to want me even more after you hear this. Bowling last night was out of this world.

My series:
170
145
252

Holy shit, I know. That was my best game/series ever. My average is 159.

I then proceeded to win every hand of cards. Oh and I struck out in the 10th frame of the first game which got me $5 from each teammate ($20 total).

I am a little pissed at myself for blowing it in the 10th frame of my last game. Threw a shitty split w/my first ball. Did manage to pick it up. Then threw another shitty ball for my last effort.

And, because I'm an asshole, when one of the other bowlers congratulated me on a good game my response was "should have been a 300." Yeah, I'm that douchebag.

My new nickname

2006-11-03T11:38:00.000-05:00

At work I have received a new nickname. Would you like to know how I got it? I thought so. It all started a couple of weeks ago when I went out to call a patient to come back and be seen. I go out and start yelling Betty Smith (last name changed due to stupid HIPPA). I yell it a couple of times and no one answers. Finally, this lady looks at our front desk girl and whispers "does she mean Barbara?" I was SO embarrassed. I immediately say "I'm so sorry, but she told me the wrong name" referring to our front desk girl. I then haul ass out of there with the patient to avoid the charts and death glares being thrown at me. S (not using real names, so deal) then proceeds to tell all of the other front desk people what happened. At that point I received the first part of my new name. Betty.

Oh yes, they think it is hysterical. They don't call me Mel or Melanie any longer, only Betty.

So then later that week I go back out to the front desk to pick up a chart. No one is at the front desk. This dude and his woman roll up to the desk (no seriously, he was in a wheelchair). The wife says to me all anxiously that her hubby needs another Tang. I was like shit dude, I don't know where to get the Tang. I figure I can go over to the cath lab and score some ginger ale for him, but I wasn't sure. I start looking for our front desk people. I find S (other S). I tell him that this person is obviously a diabetic and in need of a Tang due to low sugar. He looks at me like I'm crazy. He says "are you sure he doesn't need a tank?" I was like WTF are you talking about tank? I then look at him like he's an idiot. He rolls his eyes at me and comes out to see what the guy needs. The wife looks at him and says "my husband needs another OXYGEN TANK." I believe I turned 25 shades of red. Why didn't she say OXYGEN in the first place?! Asshole. Meanwhile, S is laughing his ass off. I turn and leave as quickly as possible.

I then receive part 2 of my nickname - Tang. My new official nickname at work is Betty Tang. In fact, they friggin' had Betty Tang overhead paged to return to the front desk. I was laughing so hard I could barely breath. I won't tell them that though. Buncha jerks.

Here I am

2006-11-02T12:35:00.000-05:00

Did you think the Zombies got me? They almost did! I totally escaped though. Phew.

Here's what has been going on since we last spoke:

Nick is still a slut

We had a kick ass Halloween party at the house last Saturday night. It was awesome. Ate tons, drank loads and passed out lots of candy. Then passed out! We had a full house as 19 people spent the night! I loved it.

Yesterday was my stupid birthday. I've decided I'm not having any more. I'm going to stay this age forever. Screw you guys, yes I can do that! As usual, Lo Lo threw me a wonderful party at work. Thanks Lo Lo. Then off to bowling for another party! Sue made my favorite chocolate casada cake. YUMMY. Everyone got me really nice gifts and I bowled like a pro - 190, 199 and 165. Yes, Brooke - I posted bowling scores.

Not doing much tonight. Probably finish cleaning the house from the party. May pay some bills. Pretty exciting stuff, I know.

What the hell is up with the Steelers? White Boy Bob - would you please explain to them how to pull their heads out of their asses???? This season SUCKS.

The Cavs won their opener last night - they look good! Playoffs here we come, with King James leading the way.

Apparently Ubie is off somewhere drowning so I'm gonna go find her and give her mouth to mouth! I think tongue is optional.

Murphy's Law says....

2006-10-20T23:46:00.000-04:00

What can go wrong, will.

Sounds so simple, right? Simple enought that you would think that you could plan for it, right? Not so much. Every day of my life is Murphy's Law. Seriously.

Today. I woke up and showered and got ready for work. Big deal. I left for work. It was raining. Great. So I sat on 480 for like 45 minutes. That was great. I caught up on my heavy sighing and steering wheel smashing.

I get to work and Lo Lo reminds me that we have training at 9. So, I smartly tell her that I'll arrive shortly before and will thusly meet her at the library outside of training. So smart. I end up waiting 20 minutes because she, that is right, she is running late. We go to training. It was alright. V made me laugh my ass off, and I returned the favor. In fact we get looks from others
in the class. Oops.

I got back to my desk and worked my ass off. I told Dave that I would get done early in order to help him plant the 70+ plants that he picked up today. I thought I would get out around 2. Ha ha. I left at 3:50 p.m. Murphy showed my ass. I got home and for 2 hours we planted our asses off. We still have a garage full.

Anyway. I had something to say. Damn if I can remember. But really I did. So, maybe I'll go have a sip of wine and figure out what the hell I was going to write about, cuz there sure is no substance yet.....though I have an idea....

Also, when I was I have no idea how old I saw Night of the Living Dead. The original. I think i was maybe 10. Dude, it fucked me up. I had an entire plan of escape for when they came. I still have a plan of attack for when the zombies come. You can laugh at me, but I seriously want to put a ladder in the bathroom so that I can get onto the roof. When I'm home alone I still sometimes envision the dead walking to my house and i must figure a way to escape. I don't want to be eaten. Duh. So, I'm a retard, but I totally have an escape route. Every single place I've lived in going back to college I've had an escape route. I don't want my brains eaten. The new movie previews are freakin' me out cuz it is like I am 10 again and so sure that I will be devvoured by the dead. That would SO suck.

A few things from my recent travels

2006-10-13T09:37:00.000-04:00

Things I learned while out of the country:

1. In Canada when the dude at the restaurant is telling you about the breakfast buffet it is apparently bad form to ask if they have Canadian bacon. I know this because I asked. He was not amused.

2. In Canada when the taxi driver asks where you are from and you say Ohio, the next question is "Oh, from Cleveland?" To which we respond in our best Swedish accent "Ja, we are from Cleveland."

3. In Canada when I try to fit in and throw "eh" in every now and then, they aren't amused.

4. In Canada when watching the Ohio State Buckeyes play football in a local bar, they didn't really get why I kept yelling "GO BUCKS." Course neither did they people I was with cuz it was mostly on commercials when I yelled.

5. A bottle of white wine at the hotel bar costs roughtly one million dollars. That's bullshit, eh!

6. In Canada apparently our tolerance for wine is much higher and we put that to the test!

7. In order to be a border guard you must have zero personality and even less sense of humor. I understand the need to be serious, but come on.

8. Walkie Talkies on road trips are key. Especially if the car you are following is watching Stripes on DVD. We got to hear all the key lines! Lighten up, Francis.

9. It is impossible to get the people in the car in front of you to either flash boobs or moon. Friggin' wusses.

10. If you go to enough wineries someone will eventually try to take your glass of wine and drink it. Just ask Dave.

2006-10-11T23:03:00.000-04:00

Did you guys miss me? Sorry, Canadia loved me so much that they kept me! Ok, they didn't. I've have been swamped busy and I could easily list all the things keeping me from you, but I know you don't really want to hear it. Suffice it to say that I am 1) looking for a new job; 2) looking for a new bowling league; 3) so stressed out that my shoulders and back hurt and no one truly understands so I can't really vent and 4) need a housekeeper.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Things could be much worse.

Ah well, just wanted to say hello. I have no time at work for this so I had to squeeze in our time after bowling. I am exhausted and need to go to bed. I did bowl over average tonight if anyone cares. I won't bore you with the scores.

Also I think I've lost maybe 5 more pounds. I'll weigh myself tomorrow. If I haven't I'm going to be SO pissed. I have been working really hard.

Don't forget our Halloween Party is coming up on 10/28. It will be a blast! I'm going as part of the cast of Scrubs. I'm Carla. Woo hoo - fiesty Latino woman. I can SO do that.

Lastly, what the fuck is going on with my Steelers? Dammit men, get it together.

Oh Canada.....

2006-09-26T21:14:00.000-04:00

You are so toast! That's right, 7 of my fellow Americans are coming. Yes, we are coming. And we will drink all of your wine and give you are money in the Casinos and crack jokes coming back across the border to the U.S. Such jokes as when the border agents ask us "Do you have anything to declare?" I will respond with "I declare your damn casino took all of my money." Just like in years past you will not laugh, though I will nervously.

If you haven't guessed already, we are taking a weekend trip to, um, Canada! Yep, we leave on Friday afternoon and head up to Niagara Falls. There is a huge wine festival, and being winos and all we figure we shouldn't miss it. Wanna hear some crazy stuff that I dread before a trip? I thought so.

1. Our hotel has 18 floors and I am stressing that our room will be above say the 4th. My reasons are two-fold. I am afraid of heights and I am afraid of elevators. I would much rather be on a floor where I can comfortably utilize the stairs. Also, I don't want to be on top because it is pretty windy up there from the Falls and all and I'm fairly certain that the very weekend I am there will be the weekend that the hotel is knocked over by said wind. I'd rather be on the bottom where I can haul ass down the stairs and get outside before the building topples.

2. I am dreading crossing that 4 million foot high bridge that connects us. I wonder how many other people that keeps out of Canadia? It won't keep me out but I'll be white knuckling the entire time we are sitting on that bitch of a bridge. I'd almost rather go down below and swim the river. Seriously.

3. My friends want to have dinner in the Skylon Tower. Tower people. Need I say more? Seriously, Rick has been wonderful telling me that we can go somewhere else since I'm so afraid. He is so cute. When I told him I've had nightmares about since I was a kid seeing as how my parents forced us to go in it (Chris - you were there, you remember. Your mom used her typical restaurant last name of Ryan) he suggested that I face that fear head on and it will go away. If only it were that easy. Anyway, at the time I wasn't terrified. But since that time I've had nightmares that I'm stuck up there and something tragic happens. Either the whole thing falls, or there is a hatch in the top and I have to go through the hatch and slide down the side, which plummets me to the ground, or just as George Clooney goes to kiss me I belch and/or fart. Yes people, scary stuff.

4. I'll be in a foreign country. They all HATE Americans! I'm so screwed.

Please don't feel the need to pick my fears apart. That doesn't work either. By all means feel free to poke fun (Nick, you slut, this is your chance).

Having said all that, I am so looking forward to going. We always have a great time. This year we will be missing a couple (Pat and Kelly), but we've picked up a couple (Jen and Adam, and Adam promised to wear his tux t-shirt. SWEET) so it evens out. Here's the line-up:
Dave and me
Rick and Margie
Alex and Dianna
Jen and Adam (joining the part-ay on Saturday)

We will miss all of you who can't make it. In fact, we will toast each and every one of you on our big wine tour!

All right, I am off to prep for my mounting. Dammit I mean Mounties.

I'm in heaven. T.V. heaven

2006-09-21T22:25:00.000-04:00

I don't care if you're gay, or straight, or lesbian, or overweight......I want you in the conference room.

The Office did not disappoint. I won't go into the details in case you didn't see it, but it was definitely worth the wait. Why oh why don't Jim and Pam just get together?! Poor Oscar, do you think his roommate knows? Seriously, who did this? I'M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND.

Then Grey's Anatomy. Brilliant. A lot of flashbacks, which was o.k. George was adorable as usual. McDreamy was incredible by finally admitting that he made the wrong choice. What was up with Addison thinking that she could apologize after he JUST busted her boinking his best friend and it would make everything better? Izzie needs to snap the phuck out of it. Yes, I get that she lost someone that she thought she loved, but come on. You don't lay on the bathroom floor in your prom dress all day. You eat. You drink. You cry and you punch things. OK, maybe I'm projecting, but still. I love love love Dr. Bailey. Every week I feel like I understand her more. And what was with Dr. Webber's wife? I think she's dying or something. Yang's closing line kicked ass. Don't die. I don't care what you say, Callie is cool as hell.

Hope you all enjoyed tonight as much as I did. Can't wait until next Thursday.

By the way - telemarketers should know better than to call me between 8:30 p.m. and 10 p.m. To the jackass who called tonight I'll cut you a break since maybe you forgot, but don't do it again. I will put a curse on you.

Lastly, just a little note to all the Blue Tooth headset wearers, or the Borg. You look like a bunch of idiots walking around with your headsets on when you aren't on the phone, and quite honestly when you are on the phone. People, this is not an accessory. You look like douche bags. Just some advice.

Peace out.

Radical bullshit mother shitters

2006-09-19T10:37:00.000-04:00

Give me a fucking break. Are they serious with this??? I’m not Catholic, but dammit Pope, don’t apologize to these violent hate mongers. You did nothing wrong.

If you’d like to read something more eloquently explaining why the Pope’s talk is being totally blown out of proportion, go check out Ubie.

Hey all you extremists – go choke on an elephant penis. Assclowns, all of you.

Oh – and how about not killing any more innocent people? I realize that your murders totally back your rantings that you are a peaceful group, but guess what? You really aren’t getting your point across.

I will now be in search of a deserted tropical island where I can go live and not have to hear about this bullshit anymore. I’m going to grow grapes and make wine and play on the beach and eat coconut all day. My only concern will be which wine to drink and which part of the beach to lay on.

The winds of change are blowin'.

2006-09-18T15:22:00.000-04:00

Fall is definitely upon us here in northeastern Ohio. This is my absolute favorite season. The leaves change and are gorgeous, there is just a slight chill in the air that a sweater takes care of. The smells are wonderful. Usually you can hear a chainsaw on a Saturday morning getting their winter wood supply ready. I wish I could live somewhere where it is fall all year. Spring is too wet, winter is too cold, and summer is too hot. Fall is perfection.

I also love fall because it signals the beginning of the school year and, as I think I've mentioned before, I am a school supply junkie. I can't tell you how excited I was every year to pick out my new Trapper Keeper, and pens and pencils and paper (I still remember getting my first pack of narrow ruled!!). Now I just roam those aisles and check it out, never purchasing anything. A little sad? Yes. A lot pathetic? Hell yes.

Well folks, if you need me I'll be sitting on the deck with Dave and a glass of wine with our new chiminea watching the leaves fall and trying to soak up the last bits of sunlight.

Random Weekend Wrap-up Stuff
Our Friday night volleyball team made it to the semi-finals. We got our asses handed to us. I think we wore ourselves trash talking for a week. Also, we clearly did not drink enough before the games. Robbie - hope you are feeling better.

Saturday was Rachel's birthday party. It kicked ass. Some hottie young dude asked me how old I was and when I told him to guess he guessed 24! I told him I loved him and walked away before he could change his guess.

I learned that persistance pays off. Jami finally flashed me! Thanks woman, now I really feel like part of the group!

Caution: contains adult language

2006-09-15T12:15:00.000-04:00

Don't want to be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new media
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind fuck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along to the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Don't want to be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information age of hysteria.
It's calling out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Also, this makes me laugh my ass off every time I watch it. Ask Lo Lo what she thought of it!!!

Roll 'em beyotches

2006-09-06T22:36:00.000-04:00

First night of bowling. We took 7 out of 7 points. Nice job, ladies. The following are our averages and scores. Here goes:

Jen J. (avg. 143) bowled 168, 136 (oops) and 155

Carly (avg. 94 - first year bowling) 120 (woo hoo), 70, 92

Mel a.k.a. me (avg. 149) 136, 153, 189 (should have been a 200 but I choked in the 10th)

Sue (avg. 127) 148, 156, 155 (nice solid showing!)

Mom (avg. 137) 135, 168, 157 (that's my MOM!)

Stayed tuned for weekly updates. We are shooting for league champs......again!

I whomped 'em all with a 478 series, but have no fear I'm sure they'll kick my arse next week!

Anyone seen me? Here I am!

2006-08-31T18:43:00.000-04:00

Sorry I've been absent. Been pretty busy. I know, no excuse. I sure wish I had something brilliant or hilarious to write about, but I don't. Unless you consider Sophie puking some God awful nastiness into her cage one of those (by the way Dave is bowling tonight so he'll have a nice little surprise waiting for him to clean up when he gets home).

Speaking of bowling, had the bowling meeting last night where we go over the rules (said rules haven't changed in like 50 years, so you can obviously see the importance of reading through them. One by one. Every word). Can't believe bowling starts next Wednesday. Truly the end of summer. And prepare yourselves now, I will bitch every week about having to bowl but I really do like it. I bowl with my Mom (this was originally her team with her friends but they've dropped out over the years), my sister Jen, my stepdaughter Jen, and my best friend Tammy. So, pretty cool that I get to see them every week. We have two great subs, who are two of my wonderful friends, in Sue and Carly. Should be a good year!

Here is some shocking news. Maija, my granddaughter, will turn 1 tomorrow. Holy crap people. Seems like just yesterday we were anxiously awaiting news of her birth, gathering at the hospital to meet her and instantly falling in love with her. I didn't actually get to hold her, or even touch her, until a few days later (long story not worth telling), but the second I saw her I was smitten. Hard to believe I could love her any more, but boy do I. Hopefully Jen (her link is over there on the side) will actually blog (LY, MI) and put some pics on there in honor of our little pumpkin's big day!

In other news, Ohio State kicks off their season this Saturday. I (Dave will be working) am having some people over (so far Sue, Brian and Squirt) to watch the Buckeyes kick some major ass. Too bad Carly, possibly the world's biggest OSU fan can't be here. Some stupid family thing. And Nancy and Jami both have other committents. You guys will be missed but rest assured we will drink your share of the beer-o.

Also, in case you forgot, Nick is a slut.

Our newest additions, namely Gianna and Andrew, or both doing well. The bowling team gathered last night at Red Robin to celebrate (or mourn) the beginning of another never ending bowling season. It was Andrew's first dinner out, and he was the only male! Lucky guy. We took pictures of Gianna and Andrew together so when they get married we can put that picture on their wedding cake. Awesome.

I think our yard is being installed next week. I sure will miss the mud pit which is our "yard" now. Great for pigs, not so great for doggies, though I think Sophie is, in fact, part pig.

Go Bucks!!

P.S. Ubie and Lo Lo, thank you for the Haiku, I heart you.

In an effort to save my asshole

2006-08-23T20:52:00.000-04:00

I thought I'd post before Lo Lo obliterated it!

Let's clear some things up.

1. Just because you have a driver's license does not mean you should drive. Hi, everyone on 480 this applies to you!

2. My mother in law rocks. It has been great having her here this week.

3. My sister is going to have her baby tomorrow. We don't know the sex (of the baby, duh) so it will be doubly exciting.

4. The stank of my poo could kill a moose. Not attractive, but true.

5. Some people think #4 rocks because they only shit rose petals.

6. Apparently my neighbors (who rock - the ones across the street) think it is awesome that we now have a couch set up in the garage. It isn't staying. Hi, Stow Hillbillies? We quit.

7. Lo Lo escaped unscathed at the party, other than a few wet your panty incidents that were perfectly planned. Nice work Rick and Brian.

8. More after dinner.

OK. I'm back. Let me clarify #4. I don't share this with you to gross you out or to impress you. I tell you to scare you. After doing my business today some poor unsuspecting woman walked in after me and passed out cold. It is that potent, people.

9. Scientology is not, I repeat NOT, a religion. Just because some science fiction writer thought it up does not make it a religion. A cult, perhaps a club or a group of freaks but not a religion. If that were the case that a writer could create a religion I nominate Stephen King to do so. That shit I could get into. Pet Semetary? Hell yeah! And I don't think Stephen would mind if we took a few pills to get past post-partum depression! Hell, it would be written into the script, I mean bible.

10. I have lost 8, almost 9, pounds on weight watchers. Well, a hack version of WW, but it's working. Take that Jenny Craig, you beyotch. Although my waist is getting smaller I am not noticing a reduction in back fat or boobage. That, my friends, is some skillful weight loss.

Lo Lo made me do it

2006-08-17T14:15:00.000-04:00

OK people. We are having a graduation party for my stepson David on Saturday. More details next week with hopefully some pics. Anywhoooo, Lo Lo is attending, with both her mens. That means there can be no talk of Lo Lo as a blogger. This is her dirty little secret, that and the fact that she is a hor, and it is her outlet to bitch about stuff that she couldn't otherwise. So, for those of you who will be at my house you only know Lo Lo as Laura and you met her at the strip club, not blogger.
Thanks!

It ain't chin hair, but it is still cool....

2006-08-15T19:54:00.000-04:00

Dave has been a very busy boy. See, when we first moved in I hated our new house. I was homesick and spent many a night crying and hating the house. Mind you, I knew we had built a gorgeous home and were lucky to be here. Didn't matter to my silly brain. He even found me in the closet one night, but that is a different story.

My wonderful husband made it his mission to make me feel comfortable here. He started painting like a madman. You've seen many pics. Here are the latest. He has painted the kitchen. Mind you, I still need to clean up, but you get the idea. Thanks to my husband for making me feel at home and helping me cope with the move, even though I didn't want to cope with it!

Funny how a coat of paint can make a place feel like home. That and all the love that goes into it.

We need to talk, Internet.

2006-08-08T12:58:00.000-04:00

I just plucked a 14 inch hair out of my chin. Dammit people, you need to point these things out.

DMB wrap up

2006-08-04T15:34:00.000-04:00

For sure will happen
1. Will drink wine at home with Kelly, Carly and Barb before going to the show.
This did happen – well, Carly didn’t drink wine but she had a diet coke!

2. Will have a designated driver.
Yep, thanks again Carly. Truly appreciate it.

3. Will totally flash Dave if he makes eye contact with me.
Nope, didn’t happen. I thought he looked at me once but I was wrong. The boobs stayed covered.

4. Will sweat my arse off as it is supposed to be like 150 degrees.
Yep, this absolutely happened.

5. Will lose something at the show, do every year.
I don’t think I did. In fact I think I absconded with someone else’s blanket tie thing.

6. Will get bored during at least one instrumental solo.
Yep, this happened in the encore.

7. Will body check any douche bag who tries to step on my blanket.
Actually got into a fight (yelling) at some guy who walked right across my blanket almost stepping on me, and Carly and Kelly. He’s lucky I didn’t get up and punch him in the nuts. I was so pissed.

8. Will not break the seal for as long as humanly possible.
Broke it before we left the house. Rookie mistake.

9. Will spend WAY too much money on beer.
Yep. Coors Light, $9 for a 24 oz. beer.

10. Will randomly call people who I can't hear on the phone and hold my phone up so they can hear something resembling DMB.
Nope, didn’t do it.

11. I will stumble to the car with a million other people and then listen to DMB cd's while I wait to get out of the parking lot - trying to hear songs that they didn't play at the concert.
Nope, didn’t happen.

Hopefully will or won't happen
1. Will make out with Dave Matthews (he's on my list so it is ok.)
Nope, didn’t make out with anyone.

2. Will keep track of my purse.
Yep, kept it on my body the whole time.

3. Will not have to punch anyone in the face.
Almost did, but I refrained.

4. Won't fall down while dancing....you'd be surprised how easily that happens.
I didn’t fall down, but I did need a little help getting back to the car.

5. Won't spill my $34 beer while walking back to the blanket.
Only spilled a little bit……into my purse.

6. Will get through the bathroom line quickly.
Pretty much this happened all night.

7. Will have a good hair day.
If sweat soaked hair is good, I had an excellent hair day.

8. Will make it home in one piece.
Yep, thanks again Carly.

9. Will let Dave touch me inappropriately.
No, but I think Carly did.

10. Will not fall down walking to the car.
Didn’t fall, but I did stumble.

11. Will stay dry.
Even my underwear was soaked from sweat. It was frriggin’ hot!

Can’t wait until next year.

DMB baby, DMB

2006-08-02T10:02:00.000-04:00

Tonight is a night that I look forward to every year. Tonight I will be going to Blossom to see Dave Matthews Band. Damn right! I'm going to list some things I will for sure do tonight and things I hope to do, or not do tonight!

For sure will happen
1. Will drink wine at home with Kelly, Carly and Barb before going to the show.
2. Will have a designated driver.
3. Will totally flash Dave if he makes eye contact with me.
4. Will sweat my arse off as it is supposed to be like 150 degrees.
5. Will lose something at the show, do every year.
6. Will get bored during at least one instrumental solo.
7. Will body check any douche bag who tries to step on my blanket.
8. Will not break the seal for as long as humanly possible.
9. Will spend WAY too much money on beer.
10. Will randomly call people who I can't hear on the phone and hold my phone up so they can hear something resembling DMB.
11. I will stumble to the car with a million other people and then listen to DMB cd's while I wait to get out of the parking lot - trying to hear songs that they didn't play at the concert.

Hopefully will or won't happen
1. Will make out with Dave Matthews (he's on my list so it is ok.)
2. Will keep track of my purse.
3. Will not have to punch anyone in the face.
4. Won't fall down while dancing....you'd be surprised how easily that happens.
5. Won't spill my $34 beer while walking back to the blanket.
6. Will get through the bathroom line quickly.
7. Will have a good hair day.
8. Will make it home in one piece.
9. Will let Dave touch me inappropriately.
10. Will not fall down walking to the car.
11. Will stay dry.

I'm off tomorrow, but will be back Friday - unless Dave asks me to go on tour with him in which case I may never be back.

TGIF my ass.

2006-07-28T18:57:00.000-04:00

Holy shit people. Today sucked so much that I can't even put into words how badly it sucked. Let's recap, shall we.

Woke up oh about an hour late. Rushed around to get ready and get out the door. Already starting behind the 8 ball. Got to work about 40 minutes late. Great.

I immediately am slammed at work. Patients calling every 5 seconds. Shit to finish from yesterday. Blah. Plus three people waiting to be seen.

I walk down the hall to drop something off at someone else's desk and am called over by two other secretaries....of whom I am the work leader and whenever there is any sort of problem I get "Hey work leader, this is a problem for you." Great.

They begin to tell me that they simply cannot keep covering the two other offices where we have new secretaries who have been in training all week. Basically, hey bitch dole out the work. Fair enough. I say I will take the majority of it as I know that every other secretary is slammed today. Whatever. I am never one to shy away from taking it up the ass for the team.

I do send out a group email asking for volunteers to help shoulder some of the work. I get three responses. Three out of ten. Ok. (Of course Lo Lo was one of the volunteers - thanks babe)

So, we are working away really making progress. I then get my ass chewed out by one of the nurses who is going on vacation and by us catching up said office, she is being blown away. Ok, so? If you don't get all the work done, the person covering you while you are out will work on it. Well, she is the fucking anal type that won't leave anything in her office. Also, I get the "That's great that everyone is helping R catch up, but no one is helping me. And, this is generating mass phone calls to me for help." I later learn that the "mass phone calls" is like two. Literally.

I swear to God I almost punched her in her baby maker.

The day continues in this manner. At noon I am suggesting to a couple of the other ladies that we blow off work and head to the bar. Is that bad?

Even Lo Lo said that she was having a beer after work. Shit people, do you know how big that is? The girl NEVER drinks. Ever.

I never even got to eat lunch. Had a fat free yogurt at some point. And coffee.

Two good things happened today. I had a good hair day, and I didn't die. Of course, the day isn't over yet.

I've been home for roughly 1/2 hour and the first glass of Chardonnay is but a memory. I suspect soon the entire bottle will be a warm fuzzy memory. Do NOT underestimate the healing powers of the grape.

****UPDATE*****

I'm sitting on the deck drinking my wine and IM'ing with Nick and a FUCKING BIRD SHAT ON MY HAND. Splattered all over my computer screen. Also, I screamed like a girl so I'm sure the neighbors love me! Great. My day is now complete. Actually, it isn't. Hopefully I'll be bit by a snake and receive an atomic wedgie from some drunk stupid frat boy. THEN it will be complete.

Seriously people, I am not making this up.

Inside me

2006-07-25T22:53:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was driving home and there was a white van in front of me. As it turned I read what it said on the side. "People touching people." It was a school van. I really don't think that is a good logo for them. It was a Catholic school van. I REALLY don't think that is a good logo for them.

As I was walking to my car today I started worrying what I would do if my keyless remote battery suddenly died. Clearly I am being irresponsible not carrying a spare battery. How would I get in my car? After all, I don't have AAA. Then I realized I still have the actual key. I'm an idiot.

My neighbors are stressing me out. I had a talking to about being loud on our deck. Mind you this was after a Saturday night of three of us (David, Rachel and me) sitting on the deck talking well after midnight. Talking. So now every time we are out on our deck that we spent 3 kidneys and some bone marrow to purchase, I am afraid to sit on it. Dammit.

Due to some small weight gain and gravity, none of my bras fit me. I hate the spillover - girls you know what I'm talking about, and so do some of you boys who wear a size too small cup. I think I am going to actually go somewhere and get measured. Oy.

I have to get up at 5 a.m. It is now almost 11 p.m. and I am not at all tired. This sucks.

somebody's got a bad case of the Muhnday's...

2006-07-24T10:35:00.000-04:00

Not bad for a Monday. I’m sitting at work, listening to the best rock and roll band EVER. Led Zeppelin. Right now we have Houses of the Holy and Presence is next. Going to be a great day.

Friday I had volleyball. I had some great moments and some absolute shit moments. We lost all three. That part sucked the worst. Thing is, we were way better than the other team but we ended up playing down to their level. By the way, our team name is Hot Dogs and Tacos.

Friday after volleyball I coerced Sue, Brian, Seth and Carly into coming out to Stow for the night under the guise of seeing the new deck. Really I just missed them and wanted to hang out! It was a great time. We consumed a lot of wine, Pina Colada (which Carly ended up voiding orally at around 4:30 a.m. – like how I churched up puking, Carly?) and some kick as dip that Sue brought. I got the hummus!

Saturday I was supposed to get my oil changed but I 1) forgot and 2) didn’t feel like it. I laid around most of the day. Finally I hit the shower because I had to head out to Linday’s for her second bachelorette party. It was a sex toy party (I blushed typing that). You can go to www.pureromance.com and check it out. It was interesting and we laughed a lot! Sorry Dave – no sex swing – they were just too expensive.

Sunday my family came out for a cookout. We had Mom, Jen, Marc, Sarah, Ryan, Julia, Jacob, Morgan, Jeanne, Jimmy, Ryan, Aunt Jean, Dave and me. A house full! It was great. We grilled hot dogs/burgers and had lots of sides. Seriously, you guys should have come over.

Alright, back to my Zeppelin and work. Have an awesome day, internet people.

We're havin' a cookout. Come on over!

2006-07-23T12:29:00.000-04:00

Miss me? I did, sort of.

2006-07-19T19:03:00.000-04:00

I'm back bitches! Sorry I've been away so long. Been very busy with work, home, underwear modeling.....you understand.

As I mentioned in my last post, Tammy had her baby. Her name is Gianna and she is perfect. I'm hoping to get over to the house very soon so that she gets to know her second Mom!

In other news, I am officially of anti-anxiety meds. Now that I'm thinking "clearly" I can tell you that yes, I am still uber sensitive and emotional. Apparently that didn't go away. I find myself on the verge of tears constantly - and not just from sad stuff. It is like all the emotion that the meds blocked have been saved up in my brain somewhere and are flooding in on me. It's ok though, at least I know I'm still alive.

I've been thinking a lot about mortality. Yeah, it sucks. Maybe it is because at work our patients are mostly old, very sick and clinging to life by a thread. Some day that will be me. Maybe Billy Joel was right when he said only the good die young. I don't know about good, but it would be better than suffering like these poor people. Of course I have no desire to die, absolutely none. I would miss too much stuff here. I mean, I know heaven will be awesome, but do they have NPR up there? I seriously doubt the Catholics would allow it.

The thing about our patients is that half the time we can't even talk to them directly. They are hard of hearing, or deaf, or suffering from dimentia, or just so overwhelmed that they shut down. So we end up talking to their spouse, or their kids, or grandkids. It hits me hard because that could be me. The family members are often times my age. I guess I can see my future in them when God forbid I have to make plans for one of my parents to undergo open heart surgery.

And I'm just in the office. I can't imagine being one of the nurses, doctors, etc. taking care of these poor people in the hospital.

Maybe a career change is in order. Maybe go to the other end of the spectrum and work with newborns or something. It would have to be healthy newborns because I think even more of me would die everyday if I had to deal with sick children. Nothing sadder than that.

Also, I've been thinking a lot about my relationships with other people. Sometimes I feel like I should just lock myself away and not inflict me on anyone else! I don't think I'm mean or ultra needy, but I don't always feel like being happy and making conversation. Sometimes it feels too much like work. On those days, or sometimes weeks/months, I just hide out at home. Not sure if anyone else understands it, but that's just me.

You know what sucks? Having to socialize during one of my oversensitive moments. I feel like such a complete idiot. Like nothing I say is right. Like people are just enduring me and not really enjoying my company. Like when I'm not looking they are rolling their eyes and wishing they could trim the fat and be rid of me.

I would say I feel confident and normal (whatever the hell that is) about 3 days a month. Hopefully those are days I have something social planned. Otherwise I'll be the asshole in the corner drinking too much and just counting the minutes until I can go hide in my closet.

Aren't ya glad I posted? Yeah, me neither. But thanks for enduring it.

We're having a baby..a real baby this time.

2006-07-11T18:35:00.000-04:00

***UPDATE***
Baby girl was born last night at 8:44 p.m. She weighed in at a healthy 6 lbs., 10.4 oz and is 19.5 inches long! Mom is doing great, but still struggling with a name. I should have pics in a bit, and hopefully a name soon! Until then, I'm just calling her Bella because she is so beautiful!

My best friend Tammy is having her baby today! She was scheduled for a C-section next Monday. Well, at her appointment today her blood pressure was too high and she was sent to the hospital for a baby monitor check. Well, she failed her non-stress test and so is having our little baby girl tonight, as soon as her fiance gets here.

I will keep you all posted. Say all your prayers for our Mom and baby, and family.

XOXO

New edition

2006-07-07T13:53:00.000-04:00

Hello all, let's all congratulate Lo Lo....here is the email I just received from her.

From Lo Lo to Mel:
"Congratulate me! I just gave birth to Jackson's baby brother: TURD FERGUSON LOVA
Turd was born at 1:31pm on July 7, 2006. He weighed in at a whopping 3 pounds, 4 ounces.
Someone has been called to sew me up. I'm hurtin over here.
He'll be in the Fecal Nursery soon, if you'd like to go have a look-see.
John's going to be PISSED when he sees little Turd. [he's not white]"

Lay laid to rest.....

2006-07-05T16:21:00.000-04:00

I just read this story. He was awaiting sentencing and the article discussed this fact. Is it bad that my first thought after reading about his death is that phew, he dodged that sentencing bullet.

Happy day? Yeah, happy day.....here.

2006-07-03T22:14:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting on my deck. I hear grand fireworks all around me. Must be a community celebrating early. I even think I hear cheering. Ah, nostalgia. Then I begin to think, this is what people going through war must hear. The sounds from a distance, and even some up close, must be the same. It sounds like bombing and gunfire. Luckily I know in my brain that it is merely a celebration. But I feel empathy for those who live every day with these sounds and don't feel safe, and know that is no celebration they are hearing. They are hearing the sounds of death. It makes me sad.

I am proud of my country and thrilled to celebrate it's birthday, but the sounds bring to life for me an all too real feeling of what others are going through and have gone through. So, on this birthday of our great land I have one hope and that is for peace, world peace. I know, it is a simple little hope, but surely some day we will tire of killing each other and learn to live in harmony. We all have to die some day, why bring it on ourselves?

I know, I'm a silly girl. But if I give up on world peace then I'd REALLY be depressed.

Happy Birthday America, you old goat. The National Anthem still makes me cry. Thank you to all of the men and women who have fought, died and lived to protect our freedom. My granddaughter is upstairs sleeping safely and soundly because of you. We will never be able to repay you. Ever.

Wanna see my big deck?

2006-06-30T14:25:00.000-04:00

I'm sure Nick does because he is a giant slut.

Anyway, here are some pics of our new deck which is under construction. We ate dinner on it last night. It is wonderful being in the middle of nature, until one of those mother fucking bugs dive bombs your face and makes you scream like a girl and claw mercilessly at your own face. Other than that it was great.

A glimpse into my soul

2006-06-28T21:50:00.000-04:00

I was reading through my journal, which sadly I have neglected. Thought I would share the Mel of October, 2004. I'll share more later, but this is a start....

"With every brush stroke an artist sees something. A vision perhaps, a dream.
For many it is their vision alone, but a vision that will not let them go.
My life is a vision, and mine alone.
I have parents, siblings, a spouse, stepchildren, friends, aunts and uncles, and even cousins and nieces.
They all see the clown, the merry maker.
What would they think if I showed them the real me, the "vision?"
Even my best friend knows not the real me.
Of course this is my error.
I let the illusion continue.
Somehow this is so much easier.
I will continue the illusion which we have all helped to create.
I will bear the self inflicted nightmare alone."

2006-06-26T20:36:00.000-04:00

Well, I am not in a wheelchair! Yeah. I survived the very busy weekend. Want a recap? Too bad, here it comes.

Friday I went to volleyball right after work. We lost all three, but I played really well. Had a couple of nice digs and had a smokin' serve. After VB went to Rach's with Sue, Brian and Jami to make jello shots for Linday's bachelorette party. Got home at about 1:30 or 2 a.m.

Saturday met my family (Mom, Eddie, Jen, Marc, Dallas, Taylor, Sarah, Ryan, Julia, Jacob and Morgan) at Geauga Lake (amusement park) for my company picnic. It was great. Well, until I was a dumb ass and sun burned the ever living shit out of myself! We had a really nice time and I even won a raffle - 2 lift tickets and ski rentals at Alpine Valley and a $25 gift certificate to Max and Erma's). Left there at a little after 5 p.m.

Got home and decided I had enough time for a quick nap. I wanted to be up and in the shower by 6:30 p.m. so that I had plenty of time to meet the ladies for the bachelorette party. I looked at the clock and it was 7:45 p.m. SHIT. I had to shower, pack and drive 45 minutes to Dawn's house and be there by 9 p.m. I was the asshole of the party and got there 15 minutes late....and the limo had actually arrived 1/2 hour early so everyone was waiting for me. I felt terrible.

After the rocky start (my tardiness) the party went off without a hitch. I'm not allowed to talk about any details, or blog about any quotes, but it was a great time. Great.

Sunday I spent on the couch most of the day. I did manage to get my ass up and do a load of laundry, some dishes and a little general house work.

Today the deck was started. They have a ton done. I'll post pics later.

Also, my back, shoulders and chest are en fuego and it sucks big time. I'm a dumbass. Not THIS dumb yet.

Wheelchair, please.

2006-06-23T14:41:00.000-04:00

I have volleyball tonight at 6:30 p.m. I am very much looking forward to it. It is good to get out and exercise. Only problem is that I won't be able to walk tomorrow as my feet are phuckers. Here is an x-ray report from almost 3 years ago.....
"Exam Performed: FT AP/LAT/OB+SEIMPRESSION:1. MARKED OSTEOARTHRITIS OF THE FIRST METATARSOPHALANGEAL JOINTSBILATERALLY.END OF IMPRESSION:HISTORY: Right foot pain.RIGHT FOOT, FOUR VIEWS 7-7-04:FINDINGS:There are marked degenerative changes of the first metatarsophalangeal joint with joint space narrowing and hypertrophic changes. The sesamoid bones are in normal position. There appears to be sclerosisin both of them. No fractures are present. There is also marked osteoarthritis of the left first metatarsophalangeal joint."

The way my doc explained it is that the cartilidge in my thumb toes on both feet is gone. When I walk, the bones basically rub together. I can handle it on a day to day basis, but after an activity I literally cannot walk. In fact, I played 2 weeks ago and my feet still hurt.

Many of you are probably wondering why I continue to play. The answer is that I love playing. Plain and simple.

We are going to Geauga Lake tomorrow with my Sisters, Mom, nieces and nephews. So, they may end up pushing me in the stoller.

In other news, or deck has been started. And by started I mean they dug the holes for the posts and the holes immediately filled with water from all the rain that bitch mother nature dumped on us.

Better late than never....

2006-06-19T23:27:00.000-04:00

Nice grill, jack ass.
It is tradition that Chris and I take self portraits on other people's cameras. Here is my lovely cousin's closeup!

Here are some more pics from cousin Chris and his wife Cheri's visit. Bear in mind that my cousin thinks he is a hard ass. I think I proved that is bullshit. Miss you guys and can't wait to see you
soon! And by the way, why are there NO pictures of Cheri???? WTF? Ok, one of her at the table in her lovely pink jump suit. We had a great time and partied in the driveway (since I have no deck YET). And yes, that is my awesome niece Julia wearing a Steelers sweatshirt. Even at 6 she is brilliant!

Leftovers? We don't need no stinkin' leftovers.

2006-06-13T21:50:00.000-04:00

No Kitty. That's a bad Kitty. That's MY pot pie.....

Contrary to popular belief (OK, Dave's belief) we actually used our tons of left over pot roast. I made two for Saturday night dinner. Marinated them overnight with my own special blend and then slow roasted them all day Saturday. I had rave reviews....hopefully everyone was being honest.

So....as we are cleaning up Dave says to throw the leftovers away. Needless to say I threw stuff and had a regular hissy fit. I was pissed. I put the roast leftovers away and vowed that we would eat every bite or die trying.

Last night I put some extra virgin olive oil in a pan with some seasonings and cut the roast very thin. I got everything else ready for dinner (steamed carrots and mashed potatoes) and then quickly pan fried the roast. It was delicious. Dave ate every bite.

Tonight I decided to get crazy. I got out my Betty Crocker cook book. Look out. I just needed to get a quick idea how to make a pie crust. I made my pie crust and let it sit while I sauteed diced carrots, celery, onion, garlic and some seasonings. I took out the pot roast (the LEFTOVER pot roast) and pulled it apart. I added that to the sauteeing veggies with some of the juice that I had saved. I let that cook for a few. I added a little flour to thicken that goodness up. In the meantime, I rolled out the dough for the bottom of the pie pan. Layed the bottom layer and then spread a nice even layer of mashed potatoes. I poured the meat/veggie mixture on top of the potatoes with the rest of the mashed potatoes on top. Then rolled out the top of the crust and put that on. I even did a nice pinching thing around the outside of the crust. I baked it at 350 for 40 minutes.

Let me just say that Dave thought it was so good that not only did that bitch have seconds, he said he could eat the whole thing! I think I proved my point.

So, not only am I usually right apparently I am also a good cook! Who wants to come for dinner?

Who came to breakfast?

2006-06-11T02:08:00.000-04:00

We came to breakfast!! Melanie's FAVORITE cousin and her favorite cousin in-law. And now we are "guest bloggers" - whatever that is. Guess we're supposed to write something nice about her. Well, ummmm, mmmmm, HELP!!! Ok, Ok. I've got something - she makes a mean pot roast and never runs out of beer. At least while we're here to visit. So what more could you want? Just kidding. She's the best, has a great house, cool dogs, and, oh, she never runs out of beer. Surprising as that may be, the way that girl can put 'em away!!! Yes, I trained her well. Anyways, just wish she lived closer so we could pick on each other more often.

Yes- I must agree that Mel is the best. She is my favorite cousin-in-law! Now that we came for breakfast and stayed in "the mansion" and lived the life of a high roller, I am sad to go back to Rochester, NY and back to the slums!!! We got to see Sarah's new addition-and he is a little cutie! Can't wait to have one of my own- we are working on it- we even broke in Mel's new bed in the spare room! Thanks for the all the laughs Mel- I wish we could see you guys more often. It's her turn to come to Rochester next, hopefully it will be soon =)

I'm making progress

2006-06-07T19:35:00.000-04:00

I did something yesterday that I never do. I spoke to my neighbor! In fact, I invited her in for a tour and a glass of wine. That's just how I roll. Anyway, I hate speaking to people I don't know. Anyone who knows me knows this. I'm very antisocial when at home. I am actually very shy. And convinced that I'll say something stupid and the person won't like me. Whatever. I totally talked to my neighbor!!

Also, here are some things that make me smile:

The smell of my house when I first walk in after a hard day at work.

My family

Finishing the laundry

Finding an awesome deal on a shirt or pair of pants

Sleeping in

Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing I have more time to sleep

The day I notice that the leaves have changed colors in the fall

When my pants that were a bit snug are loose

Feeling loved

When my dog farts and then whips her head around to see what the hell came out of her ass and then looks at me like I did it

Entertaining

My husband

Catching snow flakes on my tongue

Solving a problem

Being a good friend

Remembering incredible vacations

Fresh coffee

You :-)

Everybody's workin' for the weekend....

2006-06-05T22:25:00.000-04:00

I wasn't going to post, but my hubby asked me to so I will. We had a lovely dinner tonight at the 365th Fighter Squadron at the Akron/Canton Airport. I had the all you can eat crab legs and Dave had the porterhouse. We were celebrating my recent promotion. I found out today that I got the work leader promotion that applied for. I'm very excited and really looking forward to the challenge. It is with mixed emotions that I am excited as one of my very best friends applied for the same job. The only reason she didn't get it is that she is part time. Sorry Lo Lo - you would have been an awesome work leader.

So, anyway we have a driveway. Here are some photos that Dave took.

stolen post

2006-06-02T13:13:00.001-04:00

50 Random Questions
I stole this from the Brooke Rose, who stole it from someone, who stole it from someone else, and so on... and so on... and so on...
1. What curse word do you use the most? Unfortunately probably the F--- word. Sorry Mom.

2. Do you own an iPod? Nope, and I really don’t plan to.

3. Who on your MySpace “Top 8” do you talk to the most? I don’t have any idea what the eff that is.

4. What time is your alarm clock set for? 5:50 a.m. Course I usually hit snooze for a good 45 minutes.

5. What color is your room? Toasted sesame texture thingy.

6. Flip flops or sneakers? Flip-flops.

7. Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? Take the picture. Then I’ll bitch that I’m in no pictures. You really can’t win with me.

8. What was the last movie you watched? Watched some of Moonstruck last night as our cable went out. LOVE that movie.

9. Do any of your friends have children? Most of them. Thanks for reminding me douche bag.

10. Has anyone ever called you lazy? Probably, sometimes I am.

11. Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep faster? Ambien made me crazy. So now I take some shiznit called Midnight that is supposedly all natural.

12. What CD is currently in your CD player? Dave Matthews Band, Stand Up.

13. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk? Chocolate milk for sure!

14. Has anyone told you a secret this week? Yes. I’m a great secret keeper.

15. Have you ever given someone a hickey? Hell yeah.

16. Who was the last person to call you? Ummmm, Lo Lo I think.

17. Do you think people talk about you behind your back? Yep. I’m pretty paranoid about it but I’m sure it happens. Unfortunately I’m not perfect which leads to people talking behind my back.

18. Did you watch cartoons as a child? I still do.

19. How many siblings do you have? 2 younger sisters and a younger brother.

20. Are you shy around the opposite sex? No. Ok, yes. Actually I’m shy around anyone that I don’t know.

21. What movie do you know every line to? Old School.

22. Do you own any band t-shirts? Yes, I still have my Eagle’s tshirt from their FIRST comeback tour! .

23. What is your favorite salad dressing? My Mom’s homemade stuff.

24. Do you read for fun? Yes. Wish I had more time for it. What I mean is, I should turn off the T.V. and make more time for it.

25. Do you cry a lot? Yes. I’m a baby.

26. Who was the last person to text message you? I think Sue, but my phone is in the car so I’m not looking.

27. Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? Desktop at work and NEW laptop at home.

28. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo? I would like to get my nose pierced and I will probably get a couple more tattoos.

29. What is the weather like? Dreary and a little chilly. At least it looks chilly.

30. Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos? Sure, why not?

31. Is sex before marriage wrong? Probably it is, but would you buy a car without test driving it?

32. When was the last time you slept on the floor? No clue.

33. How many hours of sleep do you need to function? At least 8 but I prefer 10.

34. Are you in love or lust? I’m in love baby!

35. Are your days full and fast-paced? For the most part, but they could be a little more fast paced.

36. Do you pay attention to calories on the back of packages? No. But damn do I need to.

37. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 36 asshole.

38. Are you picky about spelling and grammar? Not as picky as Lo Lo and Dan. Yikes.

39. Have you ever been to Six Flags? Yes, the one in California.

40. Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex? I’ve always gotten along better with the opposite sex, even before I had boobs.

41. Do you like cottage cheese? Love it, especially with grapefruit.

42. Do you sleep on your side, tummy, or back? Side in the fetal position.

43. Have you ever bid for something on eBay? No. It overwhelms me to go on there.

44. Do you enjoy giving hugs? I LOVE giving hugs, and mine usually last just long enough to make the other person uncomfortable.

45. What song did you last sing out loud? Tony Bennett “Fly Me To The Moon”

46. What is your favorite TV show? Law and Order, The Office, Friends, Seinfeld

47. Which celebrity, dead or alive, would you want to have lunch with? Elvis Presley or Dave Matthews

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach? Whenever I see my hubby. Also, when I had to go interview with the Chairman of the dept. for a promotion I applied for, but those were the butterflies that give you diarrhea.

49. What one thing do you wish you had? A baby.

50. Favorite lyrics? Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen

Show a little faith there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty but hey you're alright
Oh and that's alright with me

Lo Lo's birthday recap as told by Lo Lo

2006-06-01T10:46:00.000-04:00

Yesterday's Birthday Recap:

Mel threw a fabulous bday party for me at work. But the person who now sits next to me decided to take the day off so I couldn't actually participate/enjoy it.

Blogger took a shit and now I can't get on my site at all.

Some assclown asked me if it was my 39th birthday. I'm 33...

Got into a huge fight with someone over something that was screwed up on a day that I WASN'T EVEN HERE and somehow it was my fault for not using my crystal ball when I was at home and seeing that this mixup was occuring.

Was called "upstairs" and told I was not getting a promotion.

Huge storm hit last night, electrocuting our central air unit, our tv, and our computer. (update: the a/c is now working thanks to a very helpful repair shop who diagnosed it over the phone - but the tv & computer are still toast)

Said storm kept me up ALL NIGHT LONG, and I'm so freaking tired today.

This morning, traffic was backed up for miles and I was 30 minutes late to work.

Person who sits next to me came in and I asked how her trip was (the one she had to take off work for b/c they were going to be driving back late Tuesday night and she knew she couldn't make it in on Wed - my bday). She said, "Oh, we didn't end up going."

Took every last ounce of strength in me to stop myself from throttling her.

Yeah, overall, not my best birthday ever. But I do have my family and my wonderful friends. And that ain't bad :)

Check out the birthday girlie....

2006-05-31T09:49:00.000-04:00

Today is Lo Lo Lova's birthday! Happy birthday Lo Lo. Time to party like a rock star! I think we need to fill her comment section today with birthday wishes - hundreds of birthday wishes!

Hey Pokey-----

2006-05-26T12:38:00.000-04:00

Happy Anniversary! Tomorrow Dave and I will celebrate 11 years of marriage. We've had our ups and downs, challenges, delights and through it all we've loved each other and have finished another year of marriage even stronger than the last. It hasn't been easy all the time, but it has never been boring. We've laughed together, cried together, screamed at each other and held each other. Here's to another 111 years of marriage....yes honey, to each other!

Also, I think it is pretty cool of me that I don't mind when Dave makes out with other bitches and I am a safety girl!

I love you!

Hola!

2006-05-25T09:19:00.000-04:00

Instead of Mexican President Fox being pissed at us because of our proposed immigration reform, why isn't he pissed at his people for literally dying to get OUT of Mexico? Perhaps he should worry more about improving HIS country and less about us building a fence (which by the way IS a stupid idea).

i so got it

2006-05-20T01:52:00.000-04:00

Dude, I got my Dell! From this point forward I will not backspace or fix any errors. I have to get used to my new keyboard. So, here we go.....
Sue and Brian and Dseth cane iver I mean over for dinner tonight and we had pasta and bread and sald. That was supposed to be salad. It is 22 or 11:30 and Sue just went up to bed. We have towat to wat watch Sophie because ws she keeps trying o to join Seth and Sue (seperately in b ed). So, I GOT MY DELL. Actually, o I could give a shit about Dell, but I got my laptop. I can now r wrie wrie write the great american novel and sd do it from my cocuch!
Let’s see wjat what Brian has to say.....
Brian says what’s up bizatches!!! I’m on duty and I’m tied to my pager. Dave’s at work and we have had a bottle or two of wine.
Brian is changing channels cuz he hates my remote. Here is again.....
LCD TV good....remote control bad. Bottle of Menage a Trois gone. Eyelids are getting heavy.
The Cavs have lost already, and the Indians have won on C.C’s three hit complete game. The Cavs completely blew their chance to win the series, and this city is going to be highly disappointed when the Cavs get smoked at the Palace. Game 7 Sunday. I’m going to bet it’s not much of a game.
Watching Mavs/Spurs in an effort to find baseball highlights. Not working. Tim Duncan is going to be elinminated from the playoffs.
Brian ia playing with the tv again. Whatever.
Don’t whatever me! Trying to find baseball. Nothing. Setteling for Seinfeld. It’s on for five minutes and now over. Going back to the TV.......
This Dell is kinda nice.....Mel is M.I.A....Dude, I got a Dell! Woo hoo!
Mel is back...one moment please.....
I’M BACK BABY!
So, Tam’s baby shower is tomorrow and I think we are all ready. And while I was MIA I was putting on Pjs and going potty. So, whatever.
The keyboard isn’t that hard. I think I have the feel of it. I like this dell
I am now going to dictate what brian tells me to type....without looking.
Is that the new camry. Il ie the new camyr. Sue said I could get one of thsoe. It isn’t the camry. Eljreoithpoiweythiehrfr
Brfian says tweezers and nasal spray will get you out of anything.
Rise and shine forecast.
Oh dude, don’t be that guy
munching......
More munching.....
Munching....
Hey that andersson verajon guy looked like a douche.
I gotta duck
I think I may have missed some stuff but I
am not sure.
Someting about pita chips that hits the spot.
Dave Letterman is still funny.
...Mel goes to open more wine....lets see if Brian drinks any.
Brian says he won’t have anhy.
Mel opens wine.
Brian says "well, maybe a little."

Dude, we're getting a Dell, and other stuff

2006-05-15T14:16:00.000-04:00

I killed our Gateway computer. Not sure how I did it, but I did. On Thursday night I loaded MS Works so that we had a word processing program. The CD I used actually came with the computer. The old Gateway couldn't handle it and she rolled over and died. We can't even get the beyotch to turn on. So today I ordered a Dell laptop. I am SO excited. I have wanted a laptop for years. I can't wait to experience the freedom of computing from wherever I please! I may get my lawn chair out and go sit in the driveway and do some stuff on the new computer.

In other news, I haven't been taking my meds (lexapro). Not an intentional thing. I ran out. Forgot to call in refill and then forgot to pick up the refill. Let me tell you, by today I could totally feel the difference. I sort of noticed over the weekend. I went to Hillarities Comedy Club on Friday night and started crying at the opening video thingy they had about Moms. Luckily it was dark and no one saw. Think I was pretty much ok on Saturday, though I did nap most of the day. Sunday (y'day) I cried several times. Once was from the awesome gift my Niece Julia gave me. Then driving home after leaving my family while reflecting on what a perfectly lovely day it was.....even if I am not technically a Mom. Started crying. Then this morning driving to work they were doing this recap thing of Len Barker's perfect game 25 years ago and I STARTED CRYING! Hmmmm, think something is up? Oh, did I mention that the crying is mixed in with complete irritability? And no, I am not having PMS - that was last week. And though I'm sure he'll disagree, the hubby could have been a little more loving and stuff yesterday. I am always ultra sensitive on Mother's Day anyway, but this year was worse. AND I am the stepmom of his kids. He walks in, gives all the ladies a kiss and tells them Happy Mother's Day (yep, I'm literally the only woman there who is not a mother). He doesn't even kiss me!!! MY Mom had to say, Uh Dave she is a STEPMOM. Then I got a peck on the cheek, but no happy day wishes. Whatever.

So, I started wondering why the hell I was feeling this way. That is when I realized that I hadn't taken my meds in at least 5 days. Yep, made sure I picked that refill up today. So, for all of you out there wondering in the back of your heads if the meds really do help - they do. I don't like feeling the way I felt the last few days. Hopefully I'll be back to my medicated normal self in a few days!

Until then, stop looking at me like that you fucktard before you make me cry and then I'll have to kick your ass!

Just call me O.J.

2006-05-10T09:13:00.000-04:00

Holy shit people, my morning commute is insane lately. Yesterday was both sad and awesome all at the same time. I was starring in my very own Hertz commercial. I left the house early, about 10 minutes earlier than normal. Traffic on 480 was horrible. So, that set me back. I got off the freeway and did my best Nascar weaving in and out of traffic. Finally made it to work and had about 6 minutes to park and sprint to the time clock (you know, because of those phucking points if I am tardy). At the light that I need to make a right at to get to my garage some dumbass bus driver is just sitting there blocking the road (sidenote: are ALL RTA drivers just phucking retards? Is that a requirement to be a bus driver???). So, I punch the gas and get out in the left lane to go around the bus and make a right. As I'm getting ready to play chicken with an oncoming car so that I can turn left into my garage some pedestrian comes strolling directly into where I need to turn. Whatever, I turn anyway almost hitting her (actually I didn't mean to almost hit her and I did mouth "sorry" to which she responded somewhat negatively so I yelled "well get out of my way you stupid bitch" but I don't think she heard me). FINALLY I get in my garage and I'm down to about 5 minutes left to park and run. As I am going up the ramps I get stuck behind some bunghole waiting for a spot. I try to pass him, but the jerk pulling out of the spot doesn't stop when I'm nearly behind her and I have slam on my brakes and reverse. UGH. I finally get around these assclowns and am heading up another ramp at warp speed when I pass an open spot. I slam on the brakes and reverse (I did actually look behind me) when I see a car has sped up trying to get the spot. Uh, hell no McDouchebag, I'm getting that spot. So, I rubbed him a little - hey rubbin' is racin' and I'm racin' the clock and a dictator. I get the spot. I take literally 3 seconds to grab my purse and lunchbag and the sprint begins. I jumped over an old lady, I knocked over some dude with a walker and I think I may have spit on the jerk on the lower level who cost me precious minutes and I arrived at the time clock. Clocked in at 8:36. I had a full minute cushion! People, that is some skill right there!

Also, I'm pretty sure this woman was the reason for the bad traffic on 480.

I do? Nope, you can't.

2006-05-05T11:05:00.000-04:00

Good news for young girls, but very bad news for Nick.

Infected Pus Bag

2006-05-02T19:48:00.000-04:00

(title - doing my part to become number one on the google search for infected pus bag since this is Ubie's dream for me)

Also, it is how I would recently describe my job. Sad day today - I began to update my resume. I love my "job", love the doctor I work for and my co-workers. However, we have now come under the rule of an evil dictator. For example, if we are late we get a point. If we call in sick (time that we are in theory entitled to) we get 2 points and if you don't call in at least 2 hours before your scheduled start time - yep another point. It is bullshit. I have worked at my job for 6 years. I have always been a team player. I have always received excellent reviews. My coworkers come to me with questions, problems, etc. I feel that I am an asset to my company. And now I have to worry about running from my car to the time clock. Oh, and get this. We are now only allowed to clock in at certain time clocks. I am so fucked. Now, most of you will say "Hey Mel, suck it up. Get to work on time. Don't call in sick. Don't rock the boat." Of course I try my hardest to get there on time, but let's remember that I drive over an hour each way to work. The slightest traffic delay and I'm screwed. I know, my choice. How about a little flexibility though? I work on average 9 hours a day. Last Friday my doc gave me a last minute project and I stayed late - an hour late. Had to change my dinner reservation with my Dad and my hubby - do I get to give them a point? Fuck no.

Anyway, if anyone knows of any job openings let me know. My resume will be updated and I'm ready to go. I'd like to get a job closer to home (Stow Hudson area) so that I am not spending on average 3 hours in the car per day....also, it would save me gas to be closer!

Sorry to whine, but it sucks that when something isn't broke management does their best to break it.

No, not yet.....please!

2006-04-28T10:22:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you guys, but I am not ready for this. I've seen the commercial for this movie maybe 3 or 4 times and each time I am reduced to tears. I am just not ready to go see a movie about one of the worst days in America's history. Before you all start with your arguments, I am not saying that the movie should not have been made or that no one should go see it, I'm just saying that I personally am not ready. When I went to therapy last year I discussed this with my therapist, the fact that I can't seem to move on with regard to 9/11. The fact that anytime I watch anything about it I sob for all those lost, all the suffering of that day and the days that followed. I don't know if I'll ever not cry and feel such loss when I think about that terrible day. Apparently I am normal - at least the therapist said so. And I was beginning to think about it less and I was beginning to move on, and then out of no where BAM I saw that commercial. All of it came flooding back in on me and overwhelmed me. Actually, I was pretty surprised at my reaction. I mean, the tears were instantaneous, right along with that feeling of sadness. I posted a poem I wrote on the 1st anniversary of 9/11. I thought by writing that poem and sharing it I would feel better. I guess I did a little.

Who knows, maybe I should go see the movie, cry my eyes out the entire time (not a plan, I just know that I will) and get it out.

Our Shadow.....

2006-04-24T15:35:00.001-04:00

Shadow is fine!!! Woo hoo. Dave spoke with the vet today. The biopsy came back negative, it was benign. Phew. So, the growth may come back, but it isn't going to kill her, unlike my wheels when it comes to possums.

Will post more later. Wanted to share the news, and thanks all for your good thoughts and well wishes.

The week in review.

2006-04-21T12:10:00.000-04:00

Monday
worked
had dinner with my good friend Kelly at Cheesecake Factory
killed a possum on my way home

Tuesday
worked
Shadow went to the vet - teeth cleaning went well. We won't have the results on the mass in her mouth for another few days. The doc did say he didn't like the looks of it.

Wednesday
worked
bowled - over average all three games. Not bad for the last night of bowling

Thursday
worked (clearly I do this too often)
met Dave, Sue, Brian, Rachel, Roberta and Robbie at Harry Buffalo for dinner before going to Hillarities. Had an awesome time

Friday
working
found out John was in the same place last night and we didn't run into each other. that sucks nads.
hid Lo Lo's wallet while at lunch and I think she had a mini-stroke. Sorry again Lo Lo.
no plans tonight! woo hoo! If any of you bitches are in the Stow area feel free to pop in!

Do possums go to heaven?

2006-04-18T10:16:00.000-04:00

I sure hope so because I hit one last night. I am so upset about it. It is the first time in almost 20 years of driving that I've hit anything. If I wasn't on antidepressants I'd be sobbing everytime I thought about it. It was probably a momma possum out getting food for her babies and now I've killed her. Ugh. I've killed many things in my life including bugs, brain cells, taste buds, a good song when I've tried to sing along, but never an animal. I am beside myself. If only I had swerved or slammed on my breaks or left the gas station 5 minutes earlier or later that little innocent animal would still be alive. I know this probably sounds trivial to many of you. Not to me. I killed another living, breathing creature and I feel horrible.

On another note, please keep my dog Shadow in your thoughts today. She is at the vet having her teeth cleaned and having a growth in her mouth removed and tested to see if she has cancer.

Easter is comin'

2006-04-12T15:13:00.000-04:00

When I was a little girl my Grandfather took my nail clippings, dug a hole next to the garage and planted them. He told me that if we watered it a hand would grow. Do you know that I checked every time I went there to see if the hand had grown yet. I'm not sure what story he told me once I picked up on the fact that the hand wasn't growing. I remember when we would go visit my grandparents on our first evening there Grandma would have made either fried chicken or spaghetti. That was always our first night meal. Also, my Grandfather would take me to Faye's Drugstore. I remember once he bought me Mexican jumping beans. Man, those beans were the shit. I lost my first tooth at their house. Biting into an apple I think. I remember cutting my finger pretty good while trying to cut a piece of watermelon - my mom was pissed! Also this is the first place I ever had bagels, and I loved them! I can remember where the candy and gum dish was also, in the back of the kitchen in the pantry in a small dish. Not much to choose from, but it was always there.

They lived in a duplex, sort of, in Ilion New York. They had a full 3 bedroom house and attached to the other side were like 2 apartments or something. This is where we celebrated Easter every year. My Aunt Pat and cousins Chris and Jodi would be there, and all of us from Ohio - my Dad (they were his parents), my Mom, my sisters and me (my brother wasn't born yet) and I think for most of those years my Mom's Mom would come out too (Grandma K). Man, those were great times. One year the "Easter bunny" hid an egg that wasn't found until the next year in one of the floor lamps. That was nasty! I can remember sitting in the front room where the organ was and that is where we slept. Easter was like Christmas back then. Seemed like an endless supply of candy in our baskets. And toys. We would wake up Easter morning astonished at the kitchen table and all of the baskets and all of the loot!

I miss those days. I miss my Grandparents. I miss the bump in the sidewalk down the street that you could jump your bike if you hit it fast enough. I miss Lee who lived next door and I kind of had a crush on him. Mostly I miss all of us being together. Holidays aren't the same anymore. I wish I was a kid again. I wish if I was a kid again I could appreciate those times.

It started out ok.....

2006-04-09T17:29:00.000-04:00

but then I effed it all up. Friday started pretty well. Got to work on time. Did some work and then hustled out of there a little after noon. Went to the Embassy Suites and waited for Dave, Sue and Brian. While I was waiting I checked us in. Everyone got there and we got ready for the game. Up until this point I hadn't eaten anything, drank a pot (or more) of coffee and taken 2 cold pills. Genius. So, we get to the game and immediately scope tables at the Birds Eye bar for Sue and Brian to enjoy the game from. Finally found a table and chilled out waiting for the first pitch. Dave went and got a bratwurst. I decided to start with a beer and eat later. Later never came, but lots of beer did. I never made it to our seats, I sat at the bar with Sue, et al. We had a blast. After the game we headed back to the hotel for the Manager's happy hour. I still hadn't eaten anything. Had a few (don't know how many) glasses of wine. Then headed back to the room. I never left the room. I think I showered and got dressed and then was done in. Sent Sue, Brian and Dave off to dinner without me. I woke up at some point and tried to get ready again to meet them out. That didn't work out so well either. So, I called it a night, after calling them several times just to check in.

So, I took a perfectly lovely evening and turned it to shit. Great. I apologize to Sue, Brian and Dave for being such a loser. Also, I would like anyone out with me in the future to remind me to eat before I fuck up another night.

At least this didn't happen to me......

Home Opener, Baby!

2006-04-07T11:11:00.000-04:00

In just a few short hours I will be sitting in right field with a hot dog and a beer watching the Indian's home opener! I am so excited, well other than the predicted rain, wind and snow I'm excited. Dave and will be in section 102 row 2 (practically sitting on the field) so watch for us on T.V. Brian and Sue are up in no man's land and will try to move down closer to us. After the game we'll be heading over to the Embassy Suites for the Manager's happy hour. Then we'll go to our rooms, beautify ourselves and head off to dinner at Great Lakes Brewing Company. What we do after that is anybody's guess. We have the whole night and city of Cleveland ahead of us. I brought the fanciest outfit for tonight! If Brian remembers his camera maybe you'll see it on Monday.

Peace out bitches and I'll catch you later.

P.S. GO TRIBE!

Just remember, you could have it worse. A lot worse.

2006-04-06T11:45:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to post this for quite some time. I was going through some old emails and came upon it. This was written by one of our past surgical residents who is now a staff surgeon in New Orleans. This is his experience with Katrina.

For what its worth, here is what I did/saw.

We found out about the storm on Saturday morning. We were at a downtown hotel for a meeting, and our babysitter called and said she needed to evacuate, and when were we coming home. We left the meeting and went to our house. We had some friends leaving for Mobile (I know, still close but the baby can’t deal with the car for long), so Charlotte and Heyward left Saturday afternoon. They went to Lee and Libby Thompson’s house. I went to the grocery store and bought water and ice. Saturday night, I moved a lot of furniture around, tied all of the patio furniture together, and ate dinner. Sunday, I boarded up the windows on the house. My neighbors had been offered a flight on a private plane out of town. They planned to take their car to the airport, and to expect it to be lost. I offered to drive them there so their car wouldn’t be destroyed. It turned out that I had to pick up an Irish widow, her two cats, and a birthday cake also. Anyway, we got her, her stuff, and my neighbors in the car and went downtown to put their cars in a deck. As we left downtown, the airport was closed due to high winds. The cats were going crazy. So, we headed back to the deck, they and the Irish widow got in their car, and they headed for Monroe, LA. I went back home, threw some clothes in a bag, and went to the hospital. Sunday afternoon was one of odd nervous excitement, kind of like pregame jitters in high school.

Monday morning we were all up early. I had slept in my office in a recliner. At sunrise, the wind was really whipping. Through the morning, it just got worse. Big sheets of metal were getting pulled off of the roof of the hospital, and the building was leaking from odd places due to the force of the wind. Power went out sometime around 7 or 8 am. My office faces the Mississippi river, and I could barely see it for most of the morning. It is only about 300 yards away. When I could see it, it had 4-5 foot waves on it, whitecaps, and it was even with the river levee behind the hospital. It didn’t come over, though. The river was not in flood, the wind was just pushing the water that hard. The eye went by around 10:30 am, and then it got nasty again for a while. Around 2:30 I left the hospital. There were still tropical force winds, but I went over to the levee with my mountain bike and walked down it towards the city. It was blowing too hard to ride, and raining. Once I got to St. Charles/Carrollton intersection, I was able to ride mostly, but there were HUGE oaks down everywhere, so despite riding on both sides of the street and in the neutral ground, I had to get off and push some. I swung by some friends houses to check on them, and they were mostly ok. No roofs sucked off, but many, many trees down on houses and lots of broken windows. I got to my house, and it was pretty ok. Two broken windows (sucked out, not blown in), lots of trees down, and some roof damage. I rode around my neighborhood some, and it was tough going with all the trees. I went back home, texted with some friends out of town, and went to bed.

Tuesday, I rode down to the garden district to check on a friends parents. Cell service had been weak Mon afternoon, and by Mon night all that worked was data (text, Blackberry email). By Tues am that was dead too. My friends parents weren’t at home, so I went to the hospital. It was like a Dutch oven, hot as hell and so humid the floors were slick. We had power for lights and elevators, but no A/C. The patients were being well cared for, but the nurses and staff were all drenched in sweat. Most were wearing shorts or cut-off scrubs. There were fans around, but they were just pushing hot humid air. I hung out at the hospital, but there really wasn’t much for me to do. I had expected some sort of mass casualty incident, but at that stage no one could get anywhere, and with the temp and humidity changes in the hospital, the sterility of our gear was in question. Clearly, no heart surgery was going to happen, but I still remember how to pulse irrigate a leg wound. Any way, it was hot as hell and there were lots of surgeons standing around, so I got back on my bike. I later found out that they did three cases that day. So, Tuesday afternoon I went back into the city. I did find my friends parents then, and they were fine on 4th street in the garden district. They had communicated with their daughter. It was then that we heard about the levee breech, and the city flooding. So, I rode further downtown to check it out. The intelligence of this decision is debatable, I know. So, I rode down St Charles. Along the way, I saw people looting every rite-aid and store. They were stealing tv’s, and one lady was pushing a grocery cart filled with bud lite and coors lite. One image that really stuck with me was of crews of young guys in small pickups loaded with stolen stuff, riding in back with the back end almost dragging the ground they were so loaded. It reminded me so much of the pictures of Somalia and of the “technicals” that the dudes there rode around in. The office depot had been cleaned out, and there was a freight palette leaning against the door so people could climb in. I saw one lady with her child in the baby part of a shopping cart loading stuff though the door of a rite aid into the cart. I made it past Poydras almost to Canal, which is where I saw my first police personnel. The water was getting deep, and they were trying to keep people out of that area. They were swamped in every sense of the word. There were dozens of people milling around, going down alleys and side streets. There just wasn’t much they could do. I rode back to the friends parents house. Things were collapsing rapidly. Looters had stolen all of the guns from the wall mart, and were robbing people on Jackson Ave, and shooting at firemen. It was somewhat dicey. I was seeing more and more “technicals”. After conferring with the parents, I rode back to my house. Once there, I moved all of the pictures and chairs from the first floor to the second, and did some other stuff. I hid the silver and the china. I was eating dinner, trying not to use the hospitals resources, and listening to the am radio. It was then, around 8pm, that I heard that the pump that had been helping keep even with the breech had failed, and that they were expecting 9 feet of water on St. Charles in 12-14 hours. My house is 2 blocks from St. Charles. By then, it was dark, and it was a darkness like camping. The only sounds were of incessant helicopters and occasional gunshots. Between overflights, it was dead silent. No background of airconditioners, streetcars, people, cars, nothing. Hanging out there seemed ill advised at that point. I had wanted to remain to protect my house, and had the necessary means, but wading out in the pitch black at 2:30 am in 4 feet of water was not appealing. There was no moon. I did have my waders, but that didn’t exactly make me feel better. So, around 8:30, I left. I took my bike and the pictures off of the refrigerator, and grabbed some few clothes. It was too dark to ride, and I didn’t want to attract attention by using my flashlight, so I walked. It was about 4 or 5 miles. There were some cars driving around, going from one side of the street, down the neutral ground, whatever. When I could see one coming, I slipped off the side of the road and waited for it to go by. Then I kept walking. Sounds tricky, but really no big deal. Afterall, I could see them long before they could see me, and with all of the trees and stuff down there were plenty of places to duck. Anyway, I eventually made it back to the hospital. I slept from about 3:30 til 6, and then got up. It was so freaking hot and humid that sleeping was a joke.

Wednesday morning, I realized that I was accomplishing little. The hospital was evacuating our VAD and vent patients, and we still weren’t seeing an influx of casualties. FEMA was arriving and setting up stuff around town. I went out and got in my car, which was gassed up. I drove to my house (even looters have to sleep, and I figured that they weren’t typically early risers) and checked it out. There was about 6 inches of water in one street next to my house, but the rate of rise was almost imperceptible. I grabbed a couple of things, and left again. I went back to the hospital, and met up with my partner. His sister and mother and a friend needed an escort out of town, and I was leaving. So, they followed me along river road to the Huey P. Long bridge, over it, and onto US 90W. We went to 310 and then on north on I-55. I peeled off and crossed to see about my grandfather. He is 88 and a hardass. He refused to leave his house, which was powerless but otherwise unscathed. He had a generator that his tractor would power. I got some gas from a step cousin, and drove to Mobile. LA was trashed- trees down everywhere, power poles snapped in half. I must have run over hundreds of power lines. Mississippi 30 miles inland was fine, just no power or gas. I made it to Mobile after about 7 hours with the red light on in my gas gauge. Spent the night with lee and libby, and then drove charlotte and Heyward the next day (Thursday) to Charleston. We are putting H in school here, and Charlotte is trying to get a job. I am going back to New Orleans either Saturday or Sunday.

Productive day at the office.

2006-03-31T13:46:00.000-05:00

Lo Lo decided to make a lovely calendar for us today. It is the schedule of our out patient nurses. It was originally distributed hand-written, but not after Lo Lo got it. Below is our conversation regarding the calendar:

Lo Lo: Attached is an electronic version of R's OPD calendar for April, which she has asked me to distribute.
Have a great weekend! Laura

Mel: Nice calendar, ya suck up douche.

Lo Lo: She was down here and saw it and asked me to pass it out.
I did it for myself b/c the other one was a mess and hard to read.

Oh, and EAT ME

Mel: Right. Probably you were like oh R, look at what I did. And she was all like, you rock let’s kiss. And you were all like, um ok and you can touch my boobs over my shirt. BLECH

Lo Lo: She asked (insert new stupid cube mate name here) if she got the calendar she left on her desk. Stupid cube mate couldn’t find it. R asked me if I had mine. I told her I did, but that I made my own. She asked me to distribute it to everyone via email. Then she touched my monkey and we totally made out.

Yep - just as you all suspected, Lo Lo is a tramp.

Now presenting another finished room...

2006-03-29T13:26:00.000-05:00

We still have a few finishing touches to add, but for the most part our bedroom is done. Dave painted and then sponged. It turned out awesome! We are so planning a slumber party - bring your pillows for the topless pillow fight!

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful

2006-03-28T10:25:00.000-05:00

I'll do anything for a laugh. For the rest of the story, check out Jen's blog. You guys didn't know I was so friggin' hot, did ya?